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To be disappointed with the school mums

(353 Posts)
tipsandtricks Sun 31-Mar-19 10:55:21

Supposedly “naice” area, private school (which may or may not make a difference, I don’t know) and some of the mothers are just not nice people!

They gossip, they show off, they try to manipulate the teachers (and it works with some), they do not discipline their children, they are competitive to the point of making nasty remarks to 4 year olds if they have won a prize and their child hasn’t and they flout the school rules (hair length, uniform, no fighting) because they are paying so “what are they going to do?!” 😕

I don’t know what I was expecting but this is like a group of mean girls who have had children and still think they are in the playground.

7circlemats Sun 31-Mar-19 10:56:47

Having money doesn't make you a nice person unfortunately.

tipsandtricks Sun 31-Mar-19 11:04:24

Yes that’s true. In fact I think it brings out the worst in some because they think they can buy anything including the school 😕.

Siameasy Sun 31-Mar-19 11:04:48

I don’t think money makes any difference in fact I went to a private school and some of the girls there were utterly vile in ways that were to do with being wealthy.
However there are vile people in all walks of life and I tend to avoid groups of women and prefer one on one friendships

BertrandRussell Sun 31-Mar-19 11:11:04

Never get this. “School mums” are not a separate species. You are one. There are nice ones and nasty ones. Just like people anywhere else. Hate the “I’m not like those people over there-they’re mundane school mums^“ attitude. All those threads about how people drop people at the gate and run because why would they want to mix with ^school mums....ugh.

DarlingLittleBabyName Sun 31-Mar-19 11:19:42

I know EXACTLY how you feel OP.
I have a four year old who goes to private school and even in reception the mums are so snobby!
my goddaughter, who I see as a daughter since her mother has passed away and I live with, goes to a private secondary schools and all the mums gossip to no end. I'd say don't be a part of it and teach your kids not to grow up like that. just shows that their bored with their own lives! x

PhilODox Sun 31-Mar-19 11:23:16

No, you're right, all adults women who happen to be mother's should be kind, polite and friendly and stepford at all times, shouldn't they? hmm
I mean, because they're all the same and interchangeable?

bunchoftulipsanddaffs Sun 31-Mar-19 11:26:42

Some of them are on this thread 😂

Decormad38 Sun 31-Mar-19 11:28:18

The comments on here make me laugh. Like you actually did think if you have more money you / others will be nicer people! You do realise having more money generally makes individuals less nice ! Think Ghandi. Think Mother Theresa!

BertrandRussell Sun 31-Mar-19 11:30:06

“Think Ghandi. Think Mother Theresa!”

Neither particularly nice people, to be fair!

LaurieMarlow Sun 31-Mar-19 11:31:23

I’m confused as to why you would think more affluent people would be ‘nicer’. There are good people and arseholes at every income level.

BirdieInTheHand Sun 31-Mar-19 11:32:19

This is not my experience at all.

My DC attend three separate private schools and I couldn't have hoped for a more welcoming, friendly group of mums. Some are my closest friends.

This idea that all "school mums" are some homeogenous group is surely just lazy thinking?

Decormad38 Sun 31-Mar-19 11:32:35

Ok but worked tirelessly for the good of those in poverty and I’d certainly prefer to chat to Ghandi that a bunch of cliquey school mums!

Villanellesproudmum Sun 31-Mar-19 11:33:14

At my daughters old prep school some of the parents and teachers would go on holiday together, unsurprisingly those children would win the school prizes. The PTA parents held all the power. I ignored it and just concentrated on my own daughter and her education. It was frustrating and one particular girl used to bully others and openly state nothing could be done because the teachers were their friend. Not all the parents were like it and that’s what kept us there I did make some good friendships. I can understand your frustration.

juneau Sun 31-Mar-19 11:35:07

Why would you think that just because people have money to pay for private school that they're going to be nicer people? Of course they aren't! In fact, they're extremely likely to have this fucked up sense of entitlement that so upsets you. I advise you not to get too involved, particularly with the unpleasant ones, and to seek out some kindred spirits (there will be some nice parents in there somewhere), and just make the best of it. These are people who happened to give birth at the same time as you and they, like you, can afford and have chosen this particular school. That is all you have in common with them. So stop expecting that they'll be a certain way.

Decormad38 Sun 31-Mar-19 11:35:34

There’s another thread on her about someone wanting to be friends with their childs teacher. Most of the teachers agreed it is unprofessional- seems to be the norm in some places!

Fatted Sun 31-Mar-19 11:37:18

What's the difference between 'school mums' and 'mums'. There are groups of women who bitch, infight, manipulate and look down on others everywhere. Regardless of having children and regardless of whether or not they send their kids to school.

tipsandtricks Sun 31-Mar-19 11:39:57

Only on Mumsnet would certain posters make an issue out of the semantics.

To be clear, I am not disappointed with other people, female or not, mothers or not, in my life... just the ones at school. Hence, school mums.

BertrandRussell Sun 31-Mar-19 11:42:28

“At my daughters old prep school some of the parents and teachers would go on holiday together, unsurprisingly those children would win the school prizes.”

Actually I do think that’s pretty surprising......

jacks11 Sun 31-Mar-19 11:49:46

To be fair, I don't think OP said the people should be nicer because it was a private school.

OP, as it's a private school I would say if you aren't happy with the school, or more specifically their enforcement of school rules and some parents being overly influential over certain teachers, then move your DC to somewhere you feel more suitable. Or bring it up with the school.

I'm not being snippy- my DC are at private prep- but as you ARE paying for it then move if you really aren't happy. Or speak to the school re your concerns about teachers treating some pupils differently depending on who their parents are. That's part of the good thing about having a choice, if you don't like it the answer is to vote with your feet.

Margotshypotheticaldog Sun 31-Mar-19 11:50:43

What did Ghandi do??

GreatDuckCookery Sun 31-Mar-19 11:53:51

They can’t all be like that surely?

Hoppinggreen Sun 31-Mar-19 11:54:23

School Mums are people, some people are saints, some people are entitled arseholes and most people are somewhere in between.
My dd is at a Private School and I’ve seen no worse or better behaviour generally between there and State school parents.
My teacher friends ( State) have all heard “ I pay taxes so I pay your wages” or similar at least once in their careers

BertrandRussell Sun 31-Mar-19 11:55:10

“What did Ghandi do??“
Rugged the raffle so that the “alpha mums” won all the prizes, and made sure his niece was Mary...

jacks11 Sun 31-Mar-19 11:57:07


You do realise having more money generally makes individuals less nice

Absolute rubbish. There are unpleasant people at all income levels, just as there are lovely people from all backgrounds. If you had any sense you wouldn't judge people based on their income but on who they are and how the conduct themselves. The women OP is posting about are clearly not particularly nice and act like spoilt children- and I wouldn't personally have much time for them.

However, your post is pretty unpleasant in itself. I don't see how crap like this is worse than belittling people who are in poverty or on low incomes solely because of their financial position.

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