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to be feeling sad this Mother's Day?

(10 Posts)
KelAssouf Sun 31-Mar-19 09:59:42

I left my emotionally abusive ex a month ago today. It was awful, traumatic, and he's still being abusive to an extent. I have a 5 month old baby who I love so dearly, but I feel like I'm failing as a mother. I was reading a post this morning and many people commented advising the OP to terminate her pregnancy because her ex is abusive. Apologies if this is self indulgent/centred of me but it made me feel incredibly sad (even if I didn't disagree) and am feeling extreme guilt about my situation. My son now has an abusive sad, who WILL abuse him also as the courts WILL grant him unsupervised access once he's old enough. I'm looking at Mother's Day posts of happy (seemingly) families and their gifts/flowers/days out etc and feeling envious and sad. I'm just sat here ignoring the barrage of abuse I'm getting from my ex, dealing with my teething grumpy baby by myself and wondering how I got here.

AIBU to be feeling this down? Or am I being selfish, as things could be a whole heap worse? I just don't know what to do. I'm so sad sad

KelAssouf Sun 31-Mar-19 10:02:19

dad not sad

ZippyBungleandGeorge Sun 31-Mar-19 10:06:55

Your DC is very lucky he has a mum who got him out of that situation quickly, you're doing what's right for your child and you should feel so proud of that. Are you getting any support, women's aid etc?

Bobbycat121 Sun 31-Mar-19 10:07:18

Theres a massive difference between a living baby and terminating an unborn baby so you need to stop taking it so personal. You cant be surprised that people are advising someone that being tied to an abusive ex for the next 18 years is going to be awful? and I say that as someone who kept a baby by my abusive ex so speaking from experience.

youknowmedontyou Sun 31-Mar-19 10:10:20

@KelAssouf right look at your baby now....he loves you...you've already got him out of a shit situation.. well done.

Put him in his pushchair, take him for a long walk around the park, sit and have a coffee. Enjoy a walk, then cone home and enjoy your first Mother's Day. thanks

WhiteWine4TheLady Sun 31-Mar-19 10:10:28

It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling a bit raw today.

But honestly, you’ve done the best thing you could possibly do for your DS by taking steps to get out of an abusive relationship that would have done a lot of damage. You’re a brilliant role model to your DS. Keep telling yourself that, because it’s the truth.

There will be hard times ahead, no getting around that. The court process isn’t fun and you are going to need all your strength to put your boundaries in place with your ex and rebuild your life away from him.

But remind yourself why you are doing it. You and your DS deserve better. And just got today, forget all the social media nonsense and portrayal of fake lives.
It’s not helpful. Enjoy your day with your baby. Maybe do something nice together - a walk somewhere pretty? Something nice for dinner?

You’ve taken the hardest step by facing up to and rejecting the abuse. You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for and eventually you’re going to look back st this time in your life and patcyourself on the back for being so strong.

Happy Mother’s Day flowers

Sux2buthen Sun 31-Mar-19 10:11:15

You got here by being the best mum you possibly can be. You've got you and your child into a safer place, that's the most 'mother' thing you can do. Whatever happens you've done the bravest and best thing, that pretty great parenting.
Give grumpy baby some cuddles and sending you virtual thanksfor Mother's Day thanks

Butterflies1 Sun 31-Mar-19 11:58:59

It is totally understandable that you are feeling sad, but you have done the best for your baby and for that reason alone you are a great mother. Sounds like things will be tough but there are so many people on here who can offer good support and suggestions. If you can go out and do something nice with you and baby today please do. It will all be worth it. Please don't feel guilty or be hard on yourself. You are so brave and your baby is so lucky to have you as their mum flowers

KelAssouf Sun 31-Mar-19 20:48:55

I do understand, I guess it's just comments like 'I don't know what possesses these women to procreate with abusive men, it's selfish' etc like it's that simple. I didn't actually realise I was in an abusive relationship until it was too late. It escalated during pregnancy. But I think you're right. I've done the best thing leaving him. I still feel scared and anxious but I am so much freer. Knowing my son won't see his dad abusing his mum is all I need.

Josiebloggs Sun 31-Mar-19 21:09:59

My ex became abusive in pregnancy, I considered an abortion due to his behaviour but couldn't go through with it. Had a hellish year at court which very nearly broke me, he told lie after lie.
He does not see our child now, I am a very happy lone parent, had a lovely mothers day and am so grateful I get to be a mum to my wonderful children.
You have done nothing wrong, your ex might not bother with court or could lose, he could win and then get bored and not see your DC anyway.
Enjoy your freedom and your child, when they are old enough they will appreciate you for getting out of the relationship.

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