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To be disappointed in DH

(115 Posts)
Whatkatyforgottodo Sun 31-Mar-19 08:29:02

Just had to practically kick my husband out of bed to make me breakfast in bed with DD that he’d promised me for mother’s day. Not the start to the day I’d hoped for. So AIBU to be a bit disappointed?

sakura06 Sun 31-Mar-19 13:55:37

@MilesJuppIsMyBitch 💐 for you. And 💐 for all the mums today.

CostanzaG Sun 31-Mar-19 12:32:57

lexiloo no but having a partner that gives a shit is a big deal... For some of us anyway.

timeisnotaline Sun 31-Mar-19 12:27:05

No Lagunabubbles, not just because of biology. Because biology and my personal experience of pregnancy and babies means it’s much harder for me that first year. When they are older we will even out, but I’m not a natural at home mum and struggle dueimt pregnancy and with babies, I’ve struggled with post birth recovery. I do nights as much as I can because dh works but it’s bloody hard as our baby never slept. When the kids are older I will expect much more low key, but for now yes this is a bit shit for me and he can say thank you. I don’t give a shit if anyone thinks that’s needy and entitled, that’s the opposite of how anyone would describe me in real life.

Lexilooo Sun 31-Mar-19 12:24:29

The important thing is that you have your babies and they are healthy and happy. Maybe get some perspective, is a card and coffee in bed really that big a deal?

Vulpine Sun 31-Mar-19 12:00:04

And the cynical people who say its just a hallmark day - yes it's commercialised but it's not the cards I care about, it's the words written in those cards by my kids.

MsHybridFanGirl Sun 31-Mar-19 11:54:13

NotReady - your post is lovely and is exactly what my family is like - showing your love and appreciation.
My daughter has a volunteer/coaching job on Saturdays and has saved her "wages" to get me things. The planning and thought of it all means more than the actual stuff. Xx

MilesJuppIsMyBitch Sun 31-Mar-19 11:49:20

I came on MN this morning specifically to find this (sadly annual) thread, as my DH has been spectacularly shit, and I'm feeling very sorry for myself.

It's the first time he's done nothing, so I've just had that sinking feeling growing, as the penny dropped.

I was diagnosed with cancer last year, and had loads of chemo, so I'm more than usually wobbly.

thanks to the rest of you in the same boat.

I'm booking myself a massage this week.

LagunaBubbles Sun 31-Mar-19 11:44:32

mark father’s day but not the same way, as we have babies and dp didn’t have hg, push them out, spend months recovering while spending all day every day with baby and toddler and all night up every 2 hours at least with the baby

I was just about to say no-one is coming across as needy and entitled on this thread until I read this. So Mums should be spoiled more than Dad's just because of biology? What a crock of crap. Thankfully me and DH are partners in every sense of the word.

As to everyone feeling in appreciated, no it's not too much to expect but that seems indicitive of the relationship in general, not just Mothers Day, so why put up with relationships like this??

ZigglesAndPaws Sun 31-Mar-19 11:38:04

Thank you 81Byerley!

missmoz Sun 31-Mar-19 11:29:55

Some right snarky people on this thread.

If someone has given birth to and raised your kids it's really not a big ask to facilitate making their day a little bit special as a thank you...some people are happy with a small gift and card, for other people a cup of tea and a lie in would mean more...wouldn't say anyone here was asking for the "red carpet treatment"

sakura06 Sun 31-Mar-19 11:27:57

I feel your pain. My kids tried to wake my DH 3 times. No stirring. Hadn't helped them buy anything. Didn't even make me a cup of tea. Argument is 'You're not my mother.' Yes, but I did grow your children and push them out of my vagina, so would it kill you to get up and make me a cup of tea once a year? 😡

mondaysaturday Sun 31-Mar-19 11:25:28

YANBU. I'm pretty pissed off at DH too. It's my first mother's day and he just handed me a cup of coffee and some pound shop looking "mummy's first mother's day" necklace thing. I'm severely allergic to nickel so I can't even wear it even if I wanted to.

Otherwise nothing, no lunch plans, no card and he booked himself a two hour driving lesson for this morning so that's him just fucked off out.

ScabbyHorse Sun 31-Mar-19 11:25:25

Happy Mother's Day to everyone. Enjoy your children and have fun with them rather than focusing on what your partner has or hasn't done.

Pa1oma Sun 31-Mar-19 11:22:38

I can’t believe all the naysayers on these threads. So curmudgeonly about everything. Who cares if Mother’’s Day is manufactured or not? Should we never celebrate anything then? What’s the harm in having a nice day?

I had a lovely breakfast in bed - fruit, hot cross buns and coffee. Why not? I make DH and the kids breakfast every other day. I had beautiful flowers; chocolate; a Molton Brown, Oud and set and a set of 4 cocktail glasses. I’m just getting up now and we have lunch booked in A Moroccan restaurant at 3pm. DH normally goes cycling, but not today.

And yes, I do similar for him on Father’s Day. It’s not that hard to make people feel appreciated is it? Plus the kids love it.

TomorrowsDiet Sun 31-Mar-19 11:21:11

To all feeling sad and unappreciated, don’t stay in and do chores. They will keep till tomorrow.

DH has taken both of my little ones out! Usually he just takes the toddler. Today is the first time he’s had the baby on his own for more than an hour. Actually MIL is with them. I had to pack the bags and help get them ready, but I’m so happy and peaceful being on my own for the first time in 11 months!! I’ve made myself a sausage sandwich and I’m going to buy a big Sunday paper and read it in peace at the garden centre with CAKE (many pieces of cake).

Happy mother’s day ladies xx

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant Sun 31-Mar-19 11:17:08

MummyofLittleDragon, he was having them on Friday night, on Thursday night she said she was going away to see her mother who doesn’t live locally. She says her mum is unwell, but she is unwell everytime exw wants to get her way.

I don’t know what to believe anymore, but even if she is truthfully unwell, why would she book an event 2 hours away from her mum’s house that takes most of Mother’s day? It is not the kind of thing you can book at the last minute. I think she filled the weekend with commitments long before BF asked her if she wanted to have the kids on mother’s day.

81Byerley Sun 31-Mar-19 11:15:47

ZigglesAndPaws Happy Birthday!

81Byerley Sun 31-Mar-19 11:12:00

Greggers2017 Don't stay at home doing housework...go out and do something nice for yourself, and definitely don't be at home when they all get back!

NotReadyForThisX2 Sun 31-Mar-19 11:11:50

I'd be disappointed too Op. I don't think putting in a little bit of effort to show appreciation to the mother of your children is too much to ask.
I got flowers, chocolates and a card (with Ds's little handprints inside) this morning, had a lie in and Dp made me pancakes for breakfast (not eaten in bed because I'm messy). We're going out for a walk soon and Dp is making Sunday dinner later, we've got my mum and his coming along too.

I also don't get the 'you're not his mother' quotes either. My mum was a single mum and every year from as far back as I can remember up until me being old enough to do something myself, my grandad would take me to choose a card and a small gift, flowers/chocolates etc for my mum. My grandparents really didn't have a lot of money so Mother's Day/Fathers Day, adult birthdays were never a big occasion with lots of money spent or anything, but there was always some thought and a little extra appreciation shown.
Even now despite me and my mum doing something for my grandma, my grandad still gets her a card and her favourite chocolates for Mother's Day. Every year she says "oh you shouldn't have you silly man, I'm not your mother" ever year he says "but you're the mother of my child and I appreciate you for that".

Maybe I'm biased but I think it's really lovely and sweet. And I know for certain my grandad taught me far more about how a husband and father should be than my own dad did. I expect and want my Dp to be that role model for our Dc.

Vulpine Sun 31-Mar-19 11:08:16

We both make a fuss of each other on mothers day and fathers day. The kids love it too. Never under stand why people are so down on celebrating others. It's a lovely thing to do.

CostanzaG Sun 31-Mar-19 11:05:01

Of course all families are different.. which is why it is quite mean to call women who expect Mother's Day to be acknowledged as needy.
I expect my DH to pull his weight, to acknowledge birthdays and other occasions just as I acknowledge the same for him....that's not needy . It's being appreciative and showing you care and love each other.

As it happens my DH makes a big deal of Mother's Day for me because I lost my mum suddenly 10 years ago and knows how much I miss her.... especially now I'm a mum myself.

The whole 'why would your DH buy you a card....you aren't his mother' is the biggest load of bullshit. You do realise the card isn't from him don't you? They are facilitating your children and teaching them the importance of showing appreciation.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant Sun 31-Mar-19 11:00:13

I think I’m going to follow your advice Newme... forget about Queen, I am heading to Home Sense to buy that office chair in loud flowery velvet nobody likes and I love (pray is still there!) smile

DuggeesWoggle Sun 31-Mar-19 10:59:56

Yes we are going to plant some seeds and then take a small gift round to my mum. Have a good day all flowerswine

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 31-Mar-19 10:59:26

I am surprised at the number of posts saying the other parent is not responsible for buying a card / present. Quite frankly the day for me is about getting our children to pause and learn gratitude. Something, which needs to be taught again and again. Parents aren’t robots and it does children a lot of good to realise this. .

NotSure
Could your dp just not have taken the children? The mother swapped then booked them. This looks rather preplanned to spoil the day.

I really like the post above about the 12 yo ds getting something for his mum (chocolates?) and doing all the jobs. Sorry I can’t find the post again.

tomhazard
My dd is 10 nearly 11, it still wouldn’t occur to her to get me a present. Different personalities.

CardsforKittens Sun 31-Mar-19 10:58:42

My ex, for all his faults, still acknowledges that I’m the mother of his children. He’s taken them on holiday to visit his own mum this weekend, but he organised cards and flowers from the kids to me before leaving. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to be appreciated as a mother by the other parent of your children.

flowers and chocolate for everyone, especially the unappreciated.

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