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To be disappointed in DH

(115 Posts)
Whatkatyforgottodo Sun 31-Mar-19 08:29:02

Just had to practically kick my husband out of bed to make me breakfast in bed with DD that he’d promised me for mother’s day. Not the start to the day I’d hoped for. So AIBU to be a bit disappointed?

JonSlow Sun 31-Mar-19 08:33:32

Why did you have to?

glasshalf Sun 31-Mar-19 08:38:03

Be grateful he actually did , my OH is still lying there totally forgotten it's Mother's Day right now.

Lala503 Sun 31-Mar-19 08:38:59

I feel you. Been up since 6.30 with DS which obviously feels like 5.30...
DH has just woken from his nice lie-in in the spare room. Flopped on the bed with me and moaned how he still feels tired after 10 hours sleep.
I stared at him. He has just lumbered downstairs to make me a coffee and yes- I had to ask first angry

Stopandlook Sun 31-Mar-19 08:39:54

How rubbish! Not that much to ask.

stayathomer Sun 31-Mar-19 08:43:21

Just enjoy the day! I had to mention it was mother's day as the kids came in and tell them daddy was helping them make breakfast. They dragged him out of bed. I'd say this is more the case then those ads where the dad and it's appear at the foot of the bed with everything you can imagine!!

PoppyHxx Sun 31-Mar-19 08:45:14

My partners now playing his games just like every morning while im in bed and the babys sleeping in her cot. Can tell my very first mothers day is going to be very special 😪

Perty01234 Sun 31-Mar-19 08:48:11

I would just count your blessings, you have little ones that love you unconditionally. Far lucky than those who are struggling out there... treasure them and make memories with them today rather than being hung up on not getting a brew or having to make brekkie

Dramatical Sun 31-Mar-19 08:49:01

So AIBU to be a bit disappointed?

Of course you are. You are not even out of bed yet and already on a downer for the day!

Are you always so negative?

Decormad38 Sun 31-Mar-19 08:49:48

It’s always been the girls who have mobilised dh when they needed his help with mothers day. Now one is at uni coming home later and the other no longer needs him so she’s just brought in a lovely home made card and making me a cuppa.

Nathansmommy1 Sun 31-Mar-19 08:50:00

My dp thinks nothing of occasions, even though i dont want much from them, a card would be nice. BUT luckily my 5 year old has taken after me, when we were out yesterday I told him he could get a happy mothers day canvas to paint for his Nanny and then he said he wanted to get one for me too so that was my present this morning. Dp didn't get a card as usual and he's had to go out to work unexpectedly for a couple of hours, so I got up and cooked breakfast for me and ds and now ds has said I can watch what I like on tv for the day smile. If you don't expect anything from your dh then you won't be disappointed, I make my own happiness

Nanny0gg Sun 31-Mar-19 08:51:42

Are you always so negative?

Maybe she has cause to be.

exLtEveDallas Sun 31-Mar-19 08:52:39

I'm the first one up (as always) and today will be just like any other Sunday except we are going out for breakfast at 10am (because DD is in at gym comp at 1pm so we'll be out the rest of the day). I suppose I'm 'lucky' in that I've never really set much store in Mother's Day - I like a card from DD but even then it wouldn't be the end of the world if I didn't get one - I know she loves me.

I sympathise with those who do feel it's a big day though, and I hope you are made to feel special.

Dramatical Sun 31-Mar-19 08:54:17

Maybe she has cause to be

Maybe she does, that's kind of why I asked.

givemesteel Sun 31-Mar-19 09:09:18

Well I'm up with my dc but in bed (they're watching cartoons on ipad = great parenting) whilst dh is asleep.

It honestly doesn't really bother me, we're a partnership, and I'm just better in the morning than he is but he's great at doing stuff they love like taking them swimming or to the playground and I get the breaks then.

Obviously if your dh has form for being shit that's one thing. But if you're both pulling your weight and trying then it's better to not get into a grump about a very small thing.

Thatoneoverthere Sun 31-Mar-19 09:14:09

Just remember this come father's Day, not in a petty way just in a 'this is how we treat mother's and father's day' and wait until your kids get older and make mother's day what you want flowers

Whatkatyforgottodo Sun 31-Mar-19 09:17:12

Thanks for all your comments. I’m glad I’m not the only one! He’s generally pretty good although I’ve been getting a bit annoyed with him recently, I think he thinks we have a fair division of housework etc and I don’t and so this morning just felt like the straw that broke the camels back! He’s looking after the kids downstairs now though while I relax in bed so he’s redeeming himself! grin

KnitterOfSocks Sun 31-Mar-19 09:22:34

Mine disappeared off to a rugby tournament (he coaches U9's) with our son about 8.30 leaving me to take the girls to rugby for their groups so I'm currently freezing my ASS off sulking about my lost hour of sleep...

PurpleCrazyHorse Sun 31-Mar-19 09:24:15

Bit similar here, but after the momentous Mother's Day a few years ago where dinner was DH cooking frozen fish and chips (just the standard ones we usually have, not even anything nice), I now tell him what I want for dinner (or he's free to book something!).

I think it's just the lack of appreciation and thought in general, rather than lack of gift/breakfast/cuppa.

Marchinupandownagain Sun 31-Mar-19 09:24:22

"DP didn't get a card" - why should he, you're not his mother?

AlphaJura Sun 31-Mar-19 09:25:42

I had to ask last night if mine was going to get up and make me a cup of tea this morning (I normally do it every single morning). He said he felt a bit put out because he was 'planning' to anyway. I woke up because the baby woke up and banged her head on her cot so had to get her out. I then had to change her nappy while he was still struggling to get up. Then I took her downstairs because she was getting bored. I've gone back up and he has brought me a cup of tea but no idea if anything else is planned and I hope he's getting the baby some breakfast and milk. I suppose I'd better give him a chance! My other 2 dcs are with their dad but I shall see them later. Dd has already given me a card and some chocolates. Not sure if ds will bother. I don't expect much, but to not have to get up and do everything would be nice. Hope you have a good day. thanks

Peachy92 Sun 31-Mar-19 09:27:04

Nope not UR! My 1st one too and did he offer to do the early feed? No. He knows all I've wanted for 3 months is a lie in without being the one to jump up for our DS. But he bought cards so he thinks that's more important, buying stuff is easier. He also reminded me when I pointed this out that "I wanted a baby".... yes dear I did, I just didn't realise I was a single mum! I stupidly thought we'd SHARE responsibility of him 🙄

Dramatical Sun 31-Mar-19 09:27:04

"*DP didn't get a card" - why should he, you're not his mother?*

Presumably because the 5yo can't just nip out and buy one? It's kind of normal for one parent to buy the card for the small child to give to the other?

Angellucy07 Sun 31-Mar-19 09:28:43

Some of are single mums and just a normal day for us.
It doesn't bother me in the slightest.
I'm just happy with the cuddles and the cards my children have made.

Lllot5 Sun 31-Mar-19 09:29:05

All this angst about a day. How are you treated the other 364? Well? If not that’s your issue.

CostanzaG Sun 31-Mar-19 09:30:03

You are not being unreasonable and neither are all the other posters whose partners can't be arsed to make some effort on Mother's Day.
The very least you should be able to expect is a lie in and some breakfast.

What sort of message is this teaching your children?

Hope you all manage to have a lovely day

greeneyedlulu Sun 31-Mar-19 09:32:07

Yes I've got the hump a bit this morning too. I was up with DS at 7.30 making his breakfast and my partner was still in bed and I've come down to barely any breakfast stuff, ds had the last of the bread, so now need to nip to the shop.
I begrudge this more as my partner is currently out of work so I've told him point blank he is in charge of the running the house, I'm not working a full time job, whilst pregnant and doing everything around the house including meal planning and shopping!!
And the only 'gift' I have is the £3 token gift I paid for from DS's school which I got so he didn't feel left out at school. So I have a nearly dead bunch of daffs and a cupcake that's been shoved in at the back of the wardrobe since Friday.
What's more annoying is thinking that today would be any different, that's where I've gone wrong hmm

Futureisland Sun 31-Mar-19 09:34:59

8:30 (when it would have been 7:30) is pretty early? Did he know you were awake? Maybe he was trying to give you a long lie or were you already up?

CostanzaG Sun 31-Mar-19 09:36:18

nathansmommy I know we are all responsible for our own happiness but it's not too much to ask that a partner would want to make you happy too. It's outrageous that he doesn't get you a card.

polarpig Sun 31-Mar-19 09:39:06

It's outrageous that he doesn't get you a card.

No it's not. OP isn't his mother.

whiskeysourpuss Sun 31-Mar-19 09:39:11

DD stayed out last night, I got a text saying "happy Mother's Day I'll be home just after 11" & DS is still zonked... if I want a cuppa I'll be making it myself (which to be fair means it will at least be drinkable).

It's just another day in this house. I find if you set the day up as something special & expect all the hallmark shite then you'll just end up disappointed.

LadyMonicaBaddingham Sun 31-Mar-19 09:39:44

I'm enjoying the peace and quiet while they're all still in bed. I made myself a naice coffee and bunged some frozen croissants in the oven. Drank my coffee, made another one and I am now MNing with crumbs everywhere and apricot jam all round my mouth... grin

pictish Sun 31-Mar-19 09:41:01

Do you all mark Fathers Day the same way? Not being’s a genuine ask.

MrsRhubarb Sun 31-Mar-19 09:44:38

This is my fifth Mothers Day, and is the best one so far. This is entirely thanks to school! God bless DD's tacher, who has drilled into the entire class that mummy must be allowed to stay in bed all day, and have breakfast and everything else brought to her. DD does everything her teacher tells her, so has been telling DH about this all week and what she needs him to do. He doesn't dare risk the hysterics that would be involved if he was the one that spoilt it! I have had to negotiate to be allowed to sit on the sofa, as I was a bit bored upstairs, and that has been permitted as long as I have a blanket so I can pretend it is a bed. I am giving her teacher a high five on Monday morning!

AwdBovril Sun 31-Mar-19 09:45:14

I have had to get up with DD this morning because DH has again not slept well. (Chronic insomniac.) I can hear him moving about upstairs now though. DH did at least get me something this year though, usually he doesn't because "I'm not his mother"... bloody cheek. Soon gets the hump if I don't do something for Father's day though!

CostanzaG Sun 31-Mar-19 09:45:50

polarpig no but he’s the father of a 5 year old who presumably can’t just pop to to shop? The card is from the child not him but he needs to facilitate that.......or do we all need to wait until our children have their own money and can shop independently before we get card and gifts from them?

CostanzaG Sun 31-Mar-19 09:47:55

Do you all mark Fathers Day the same way? Not being’s a genuine ask.

Of course....100%.

polarpig Sun 31-Mar-19 09:49:35

.or do we all need to wait until our children have their own money and can shop independently before we get card and gifts from them?

No, not at all. They can draw us pictures and so on can't they? I have pictures on my fridge/bedroom wall that my DCs did when they were about that age.

CostanzaG Sun 31-Mar-19 09:53:27

What about when they are babies polar? It’s really not too much of an ask for the father of your children to buy you a card on mother’s day.

The whole ‘ but you aren’t my mother’ is just lazy bullshit.

Joebloggswazere Sun 31-Mar-19 09:54:37

Oh Jesus Polarpig, buying a card for your child to give their mother is called being nice and a caring partner. That is the bare minimum effort you should expect and anything less is just shitty. No, I am not my OHs mother but he is a loving caring husband and always gets me a card and present off the kids, because it’s a nice thing to do.

HennyPennyHorror Sun 31-Mar-19 09:55:40

I just can't care about a manufactured's made up!

howabout Sun 31-Mar-19 09:55:42


I had to tell my teenager that the Weather man reminded me at bedtime I was getting an hour less in bed unless I was a Mum in which case I was getting breakfast in bed.

Was just as nice even though I had to agitate for it.

Ok101 Sun 31-Mar-19 09:56:38

Meh. I have 3dc pregnant with dc4. He told them he will take them to get flowers tomorrow. I said not ti worry. We are having a normal day at work as dh has to go to work. Especially as it is mothers day and a busy day for the business. Not bothered. Kids made a card at school. I was pleased with that. Its just another day. Fathers day is treated the same

CostanzaG Sun 31-Mar-19 09:57:07

hennypenny so are most things....doesn’t mean they aren’t nice!

Dramatical Sun 31-Mar-19 10:02:26

so are most things....doesn’t mean they aren’t nice!

It does mean it's not worth getting upset about. It's one day. Last Saturday I landed a long lie followed by breakfast in bed. It was just pure chance that DH got up and I stayed sleeping. That meant more to me that a forced long lie on a specific day ever will.

Dramatical Sun 31-Mar-19 10:02:43

*worth getting upset about blush

Dramatical Sun 31-Mar-19 10:03:11

Ignore that! My first was correct blush

HennyPennyHorror Sun 31-Mar-19 10:03:32

Cos well they're not nice if the people who are supposed to display their love for a certain person on a certain day don't do it. YOu can't make people participate. If they don't feel the urge...they don't feel the urge.

CostanzaG Sun 31-Mar-19 10:06:29

I think it is worth getting upset about. It’s utterly shit to know that your partner can’t be arsed to make a tiny bit of effort.....yes it should be a regular occurrence and work both ways but it doesn’t mean it isn’t rubbish to be ignored on Mother’s Day.

Friendabc Sun 31-Mar-19 10:07:09

Mothering Sunday is not a manufactured day!
It's been around since Roman Times and was a day out aside for children to acknowledge and spend time with their mother/family.
Once the Romans left Britain the tradition was continued. It gave working children the chance to go home from their service jobs and see their mother.
Otherwise they didn't get a day off.
Fathers day is a manufactured day.

Willow2017 Sun 31-Mar-19 10:07:33

DP didn't get a card" - why should he, you're not his mother?

The standard sarcastic put down to amy mum feeling a bit unappreciated every sodding year on mn.

My ex may not have been perfect but when kids were small he always took them to buy me a card and gift for mothers day just as i did on fathers day. That's just what parents do if the kids cant go themselves.
Why is that such a difficult concept for sone people? Its one day a year ffs.

MajesticWhine Sun 31-Mar-19 10:09:52

OP, if it makes you feel any better, I am still waiting for a cup of tea. DH has gone cycling and the kids are all still asleep. No sign of a card.

Sunshinegirl82 Sun 31-Mar-19 10:10:44

I don't get the "it's just a day" narrative. If it matters to you then it should matter to your partner. Even if they think it's a total load of hallmark bullshit.

Is it really that difficult to go to Tesco for a card and a box of chocolates, get up with your own kids and make your partner a cup of tea? Are people's standards so low that to want that is being grabby and unreasonable?

I get circumstances (work, kids clubs etc) might not always permit it but for most it's a perfectly achievable demonstration of appreciation.

Obviously it has to be taken in the context of the relationship as a whole but I don't understand what's so difficult about it.

WillGymForPizza Sun 31-Mar-19 10:11:03

Christ, some of you sound so bloody needy. It's just a day, a religious festival that's been hijacked by card and gift companies. Thankfully my DM has always been happy with a card and small gift.

Expecting breakfast in bed?! Honestly, get over yourselves!

DizzyPhillips Sun 31-Mar-19 10:11:45

No complaints here. I’m still in bed and DH has been downstairs with the two kids since half seven 🙌🏻 I am furious about the loss of an hour of my lie in though.

rcp27 Sun 31-Mar-19 10:11:56

My dh rarely makes an effort for occasions such as this or birthdays.
I was up four times with the baby and then the 3 year old was up at 5. Didn't get so much as a Happy Mother's Day as I walked down the stairs.

Going to book my self a spa afternoon one Saturday and he can have both children by himself!

Friendabc Sun 31-Mar-19 10:12:25

I also agree with the op.
If your dp cannot be bothered to get up with the dc and set an example that it is not just a woman's job to do all the domestic grunge work on one day then what type of a dp is he.
Fair enough if your dp pulls his weight with childcare and all domestic chores.
However I'm willing to bet that the ones who don't make any effort to sort out their own dc on this one day a year, don't do it on the other 364 days either.

Kind, considerate partners are kind and considerate all the time.
The I'm is not asking for a diamond ring and a brand new car, she just wants her dp to set a good example to the dc and make her a drink and breakfast!
Jesus is that too much to ask?

Nishky Sun 31-Mar-19 10:12:47

I picked up four slightly tipsy teenage girls who all chorused ‘Happy Mother’s Day’when car clock passed midnight. Got to bed at 1:00/2:00.

Teenage son wished me Happy Mother’s Day when I woke him for football. Now about to watch him play.

Loving my Mother’s Day so far.

pointbla Sun 31-Mar-19 10:15:04

I got my own cards and balloons for the kids and booked restaurant so kids enjoy the day. confused

Nishky Sun 31-Mar-19 10:16:02

Although I have not covered myself in glory as I had to text my own mum yesterday to admit that I hadn’t posted her card as I was seeing her Friday night and I forgot to take it.
Hope the flowers I ordered soften the blow

CostanzaG Sun 31-Mar-19 10:16:18

willgym it's hardly needy to want a cup of tea and some toast in bed! It's a nice gesture.

Mumof3needswine Sun 31-Mar-19 10:19:59

I feel a bit disappointed today . Partner volunteered to do a night shift last night got in at 7 trashed the kitchen making him self some food and woke the kids up . Then climbed into bed with out a word . Got up to give the kids breakfast and make a brew and hes moved the cards so now ghe kids dont know where they are. He will now sleep till 6 leaving me to deal with his mum this afternoon sad

MsHybridFanGirl Sun 31-Mar-19 10:22:55

Growing up, we always made occasions out of mother's/father's day, Easter etc.
When I was with my ex he wasn't used to any of that and my mum used to buy me something (from my daughter) for Mother's Day. Even when my ex started buying me stuff she carried on the tradition; we just like celebrating certain days and making them feel a bit more special than others.
My dd (13) has been saving her pocket money and I woke up today to balloons all over my bedroom, flowers, cards (even one from our puppy!) little toiletries etc and she has baked me some cupcakes. She has been planning it for a while and the effort she has made (the thought she has put into it for me) means the world.
I would also be happy with a card and bunch of flowers, it's the sentiment behind it that counts.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant Sun 31-Mar-19 10:23:16

Oh well OP, I feel your pain. I dread mother’s day as it is always a bitter sweet experience I would rather it didn’t exist.

We are reading in bed (that is, my teen, the dog and me) after having breakfast in bed, after reading a long letter from my son thanking me for giving him a normal childhood despite all the very difficult times we had managed to get through together. We have not seen his dad for 10 years. I’m reassured he is alive as he is still paying maintenance and I get monthly rants from the ex MIL about how on Earth can he be so good in business and abandon his kid like that to raise the son of his new partner. (I much rather she didn’t try to be so supportive)

On the other side, that boyfriend of mine who had kindly offered to swap days with his ex so she could spend the day with her kids is away as the mum resents my existence so much, she has cancelled at the last minute but ensured she booked the kids in activities for the whole weekend including an even today, an hour from here, which extends until late afternoon and she wouldn’t let us know the times until last night . So she didn’t get to have breakfast or lunch with her kids but succeeded in also having my day ruined (we had booked to go out for lunch). He has sent me flowers to make me feel better at the whole thing, but...

Despite the flowers, the cards and the breakfast... I would much rather prefer today was a Tuesday.

emmaxlouise88 Sun 31-Mar-19 10:24:34

I would be feeling exactly the same as you OP. DH is currently downstairs with DS4 and DS1 making me a bacon sandwich. All my idea and he was moaning a bit yesterday about him not getting a lie in because I said I'm having one today! Yes he moaned..but hey at least he is doing it wink Enjoy your day!!

charliebear78 Sun 31-Mar-19 10:25:02

Just remember and do the same for Fathers Day! Simple ha

Jaffacakebeast Sun 31-Mar-19 10:26:34

I’m a single mum so had many years with nothing, but this year, (he’s 12) I’ve had chocolates and a card delivered to my bed, told to live like a teenager, he’s doing all the chores and looking after the dog, I can Netflix or read all day in bed, he’s also told me there’s a tub of salted caramel ice cream in the freezer, best Mother’s Day ever

PolarBearBubbles Sun 31-Mar-19 10:26:57

I got up at 7 (so actually 6) when DC woke as DH took 15 minutes to go when they were awake and calling so I was too awake to go back to sleep and have a lie in.
Made myself breakfast, then DH told me I should take DD (14 months) to her swimming lesson instead of him. Eventually agreed he would take her but then told DC that mummy would have lunch ready for when everyone got back hmm
I did get a lovely handmade card and bunch of tulips from DC... aka my sister, nothing to do with DH!

tomhazard Sun 31-Mar-19 10:28:35

Yeah I think YABU. Small children are unable to show genuine gratitude, they shouldn't have to. Your are not your husband's mother so why should he make you stuff?

My DD is 6 1/2 and made me a lovely card because she is getting to the age where she gets it a bit. She asked DH to buy some chocolate she could give me so he did - he wouldn't have done if she hadn't asked because I'm not his mum. DS is 3 and didn't make or do anything, because he's 3. DH made them breakfast because it's his turn to do so - not because it's mother's day! I find adult women who obsess over this pretty silly. Maybe if your children were quite a bit older and capable of gratitude then it would be fair enough to expect something, but not from really young children or your husband.

WillGymForPizza Sun 31-Mar-19 10:28:41

Constnz. Yes it is. Who even eats in bed anyway? It's messy and unhygienic.

Never come across so many needy, whingy mothers as I have on here today. There's another thread currently moaning about teenage kids not yet being out of bed. Thankfully the mum's I know in real life are happy with a gift and card from their children.

QueenKubauOfKish Sun 31-Mar-19 10:29:40

flowers for everyone who’s feeling upset (well for everyone!)

No dp here, I no longer have to watch ex snoring on mother’s day morning. My mum used to be really manipulative about Mother’s Day so I avoid putting any pressure on anyone, but 9yo dd has made a card and made me coffee this morning, and we’re going for a picnic.

Hope everyone has the best day possible. If your dp isn’t interested, focus on your dc or just yourself.

ScafellPoke Sun 31-Mar-19 10:30:08

I think yabu only because I don’t give a monkeys about mothers day.

CostanzaG Sun 31-Mar-19 10:34:28

Not one person on here has come across as needy or whingy.....
Is it really too much to expect some acknowledgment on Mother's Day?

I get that breakfast in bed isn't for everyone but I don't think it's an unnecessary expectation to have a lie in and some breakfast! Bloody hell!

Greggers2017 Sun 31-Mar-19 10:35:41

My elder two are at their dads no messages from them.
My step-daughter has gone out swimming, no message from her.
I'm heavily pregnant and partner has gone out cycling and to the pub with his mates. I've been left to do housework 🙄

CurlyWurlyTwirly Sun 31-Mar-19 10:38:46

I’m separated and DS is with his dad today. My mum ( in another country) sent me a card, and I had a little cry when I spoke to her. I’m in my 40s and she’s in her 70s. You never stop being a mum whatever your age or circumstances.

timeisnotaline Sun 31-Mar-19 10:39:26

I mark father’s day but not the same way, as we have babies and dp didn’t have hg, push them out, spend months recovering while spending all day every day with baby and toddler and all night up every 2 hours at least with the baby, he only gets up when I’m desperate and I ask him. So although he’s great with feeding and looking after and taking the kids out, I expect him to make mother’s day special. And he knows if he doesn’t he's lead parent nights then if it’s not worth a day’s effort to say thanks, so he falls over himself to make it a nice day.

CurlyWurlyTwirly Sun 31-Mar-19 10:40:40

@Jaffacakebeast 💕 lovely of your DS

ScafellPoke Sun 31-Mar-19 10:40:49

No you haven’t greggers!!! As if your dh is going to go out cycling and expect you to stay at home and do the housework!! That’s your own doing!... Go out for the day, go to a cafe, cinema, walk, whatever. You don’t need to be doing housework hmm

DuggeesWoggle Sun 31-Mar-19 10:41:50

MajesticWhine my DH is also out cycling although he did get up with the 3 year old this morning and I almost always get a cuppa in bed every day anyway. And I did tell him to go as he might as well. No card or gift as usual. Last year I kicked off and he bought me some nice foodie bits and bobs on the way home from his bike ride (yes he went on mother's day last year as well).

I do feel conflicted about mother's day. On the one hand I feel extremely lucky to have a healthy, happy, charming son and another child on the way and I don't feel I need manufactured displays of affection from DH. But on the other hand he knows by now that I love little gestures of appreciation and why is it so hard for him to just bloody well go and get something to say 'i appreciate all the work you do'? He just says he can never think of anything and what do I want? I want you to take 15 minutes away from thinking about sodding bikes to actually consider what might make his wife and the mother of his children happy and for me not to have to think of my own gift again? And to show an example to DS of not taking me for granted.

Plus then you get all the 'ooh did your boys spoil you?' at work and you have to just say no and pretend you don't mind.

So yes I guess it does matter a bit to me!

WillGymForPizza Sun 31-Mar-19 10:43:29

But it is quite needy to expect acknowledgement from a partner, as has been said. You are not their mother so why would they get you a card and present? Most children will make Mother's Day card in school or at nursery/playgroup which I think are far nicer than Shop bought ones!

All families are different and not everyone thinks Mothers Day is a huge deal. My DM has never expected the red carpet treatment, and neither did my grandmothers!

Greggers2017 Sun 31-Mar-19 10:43:50

@ScafellPoke house is disgusting so needs doing. Unfortunately I cannot drive at the moment due to an illness. I have got the food shopping coming and have ordered myself some nice things for later. They're secret. Nobody knows about them ha!
Wouldn't mind with the cycling normally but he was on a uni reunion all day yesterday 🙄
I am however wallowing in the bath at the moment x

ZigglesAndPaws Sun 31-Mar-19 10:44:19

Received a card today from my two stepdaughters. Never hadn’t one before other than joke one from the dog, and certainly didn’t expect one, as I appreciate I’m not their mum!

We made cards and presents for their mum when they were with us last weekend and made one for my mum whilst ‘supervising’ (just wanted to glue and stick tbh), so they knew my plans for today, and they’ve picked and posted a card that ties in with the quite odd and specific activity we’re up to.

Made me cry, little buggers 🥰 and on my birthday as well!!! Lol

Greggers2017 Sun 31-Mar-19 10:45:01

@DuggeesWoggle what is it with Sunday's and cycling 🤦🏼‍♀️

Februaryblooms Sun 31-Mar-19 10:45:35

I know how you feel.

Mine is fast asleep on the couch, the kitchen is a shit hole and he hasn't changed the bin because he's been too busy playing call of duty in to the early hours of the morning to bother having a quick tidy after himself.

I made DS his breakfast now I'm currently drinking a cuppa I've made myself, eating cereal, scowling at the snoring lazy bastard on the sofa.

haba Sun 31-Mar-19 10:49:48

No input from DH as per hmm

Children had organised a lovely card, and DD (13) just came and read the book that she's writing to me smile which is pretty special, as she's usually very secretive about things until they're perfect finished.

JaffaCakeBeast you might be doing it alone, but you're obviously doing it right! thanks

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant Sun 31-Mar-19 10:50:45

But it is quite needy to expect acknowledgement from a partner, as has been said. You are not their mother so why would they get you a card and present?

Because the kids cannot drive themselves to buy the card or afford the present? Because you are taking the lion’s share of the responsibility to raise the kids that also belong to him? Because he will be an arse when you and the kids “forget” it is Father’s Day?

My father was like that, my mother was not his mother and he hated busy restaurants so he preferred my mother cooked something especial to eat at home. Not a card, not a flower... all on his own terms and for his own convenience based on the phrase “your mum is not my mum”. I really can understand my mum being such a floormat to follow through..

keepforgettingmyusername Sun 31-Mar-19 10:51:17

Mine is sitting on the sofa watching golf and whinging about being hungry. I said 'maybe you should make breakfast then since it's mother's day'
He has not made breakfast. I don't imagine the day is going to improve so might as well forget about it.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant Sun 31-Mar-19 10:52:01

Can’t understand, meant to say. She was a strong capable woman, I cannot imagine why he put up with such crap for the sake of equality.

DuggeesWoggle Sun 31-Mar-19 10:53:11

Greggers I knew when I was first going out with DH that he was into cycling (mountain biking) but I think it's only when you have kids that you realise how much time it takes up - endless bike faffing, the lengthy rides themselves, then the cleaning afterwards, route planning, signing up to events that require extensive 'training'. I am happy he has a hobby that keeps him fit (and sexy grin) and he doesn't go out drinking or anything like that but you do very quickly work out your place in the hierarchy - bikes, then us (no matter how much he would try and deny it)!

Newme19 Sun 31-Mar-19 10:58:00

Shake off that negative I am about to. We are not in some godforsaken place (I hope) … Put on some loud music and dance like you just don't care. Make your little one giggle; make the day so happy that the little one will always remember you as a happy Mum. Dress and get out of the house. No housework unless the world will end if you don't. Bye I'm off to play Queen & shower.

CardsforKittens Sun 31-Mar-19 10:58:42

My ex, for all his faults, still acknowledges that I’m the mother of his children. He’s taken them on holiday to visit his own mum this weekend, but he organised cards and flowers from the kids to me before leaving. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to be appreciated as a mother by the other parent of your children.

flowers and chocolate for everyone, especially the unappreciated.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 31-Mar-19 10:59:26

I am surprised at the number of posts saying the other parent is not responsible for buying a card / present. Quite frankly the day for me is about getting our children to pause and learn gratitude. Something, which needs to be taught again and again. Parents aren’t robots and it does children a lot of good to realise this. .

Could your dp just not have taken the children? The mother swapped then booked them. This looks rather preplanned to spoil the day.

I really like the post above about the 12 yo ds getting something for his mum (chocolates?) and doing all the jobs. Sorry I can’t find the post again.

My dd is 10 nearly 11, it still wouldn’t occur to her to get me a present. Different personalities.

DuggeesWoggle Sun 31-Mar-19 10:59:56

Yes we are going to plant some seeds and then take a small gift round to my mum. Have a good day all flowerswine

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant Sun 31-Mar-19 11:00:13

I think I’m going to follow your advice Newme... forget about Queen, I am heading to Home Sense to buy that office chair in loud flowery velvet nobody likes and I love (pray is still there!) smile

CostanzaG Sun 31-Mar-19 11:05:01

Of course all families are different.. which is why it is quite mean to call women who expect Mother's Day to be acknowledged as needy.
I expect my DH to pull his weight, to acknowledge birthdays and other occasions just as I acknowledge the same for him....that's not needy . It's being appreciative and showing you care and love each other.

As it happens my DH makes a big deal of Mother's Day for me because I lost my mum suddenly 10 years ago and knows how much I miss her.... especially now I'm a mum myself.

The whole 'why would your DH buy you a aren't his mother' is the biggest load of bullshit. You do realise the card isn't from him don't you? They are facilitating your children and teaching them the importance of showing appreciation.

Vulpine Sun 31-Mar-19 11:08:16

We both make a fuss of each other on mothers day and fathers day. The kids love it too. Never under stand why people are so down on celebrating others. It's a lovely thing to do.

NotReadyForThisX2 Sun 31-Mar-19 11:11:50

I'd be disappointed too Op. I don't think putting in a little bit of effort to show appreciation to the mother of your children is too much to ask.
I got flowers, chocolates and a card (with Ds's little handprints inside) this morning, had a lie in and Dp made me pancakes for breakfast (not eaten in bed because I'm messy). We're going out for a walk soon and Dp is making Sunday dinner later, we've got my mum and his coming along too.

I also don't get the 'you're not his mother' quotes either. My mum was a single mum and every year from as far back as I can remember up until me being old enough to do something myself, my grandad would take me to choose a card and a small gift, flowers/chocolates etc for my mum. My grandparents really didn't have a lot of money so Mother's Day/Fathers Day, adult birthdays were never a big occasion with lots of money spent or anything, but there was always some thought and a little extra appreciation shown.
Even now despite me and my mum doing something for my grandma, my grandad still gets her a card and her favourite chocolates for Mother's Day. Every year she says "oh you shouldn't have you silly man, I'm not your mother" ever year he says "but you're the mother of my child and I appreciate you for that".

Maybe I'm biased but I think it's really lovely and sweet. And I know for certain my grandad taught me far more about how a husband and father should be than my own dad did. I expect and want my Dp to be that role model for our Dc.

81Byerley Sun 31-Mar-19 11:12:00

Greggers2017 Don't stay at home doing housework...go out and do something nice for yourself, and definitely don't be at home when they all get back!

81Byerley Sun 31-Mar-19 11:15:47

ZigglesAndPaws Happy Birthday!

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant Sun 31-Mar-19 11:17:08

MummyofLittleDragon, he was having them on Friday night, on Thursday night she said she was going away to see her mother who doesn’t live locally. She says her mum is unwell, but she is unwell everytime exw wants to get her way.

I don’t know what to believe anymore, but even if she is truthfully unwell, why would she book an event 2 hours away from her mum’s house that takes most of Mother’s day? It is not the kind of thing you can book at the last minute. I think she filled the weekend with commitments long before BF asked her if she wanted to have the kids on mother’s day.

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