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To roll my eyes after joining an app specifically to meet other mums?

(85 Posts)
daphine2004 Sun 31-Mar-19 00:57:08

I’ll probably get flamed as I feel a bit of a bitch, but I can’t believe some people.

As this is my second pregnancy I downloaded an app to meet other new mums rather than go back to the NCT, but I couldn’t believe some of the posts, comments responding to posts and general profiles of some people. Examples are:

1. In relation to a six month old baby “baby’s first McFlurry”
2. In relation to a four month old baby “when did you start giving your baby juice?”, responses: “two months as they wouldn’t drink water”
3. In relation to a four month old baby “I know people are funny about weaning before six months, but when did you start weaning?”

I could go on, but I’ll stop. A lot of the posts were from young first mums (I felt old but I’m only 33!) and I just kept rolling my eyes in disbelief.

Has anyone come across an app to meet other parents who may be more Mumsnet than NetMums?

GPatz Sun 31-Mar-19 02:03:13

I guess these sort of comments just help advise you as to whether you would be a good match as mum friends. I would only tend to make contact with mums who share the same sort of parenting style to me, otherwise the friendship is unlikely to work out well.

Playtive Sun 31-Mar-19 02:05:40

YANBU just avoid and try NCT again - if you’re BF I find most will share your outlook...

Siameasy Sun 31-Mar-19 02:20:35

It sounds really er basic altho there was one mum like that in my NCT giving her DS sugar water, bragging about cutting corners with formula prep, picking fights with strangers and calling the baby a little bastard. Surprised the NCT lets these people inwink

CrabbyPatty Sun 31-Mar-19 04:52:25

That's the real world I'm afraid. I'm on one of those apps and I'm a 34 year old MC sling wearing, breast feeding, attachment parent but I'm also a paediatric nurse so I'm well aware these people exist. I imagine it attracts some quite vulnerable young women who don't have the same role models we do.

HennyPennyHorror Sun 31-Mar-19 05:19:44

You're in the wrong group OP.

Bibijayne Sun 31-Mar-19 05:23:34

I think I know the app and YANBU I found a lot of the posts were along those lines. I uninstalled pretty quickly!

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 31-Mar-19 05:31:50

Wow I feel like I live in a bubble now. I have heard the horror stories of some parents giving babies puréed McDonald’s when instructed to give them what you eat.

Was that post about water recent? It’s winter and I thought pre weaned babies potentially only need a little water on very hot days. If baby is thirsty and won’t drink water, wouldn’t a small drink of watered down formula be better than juice? I breastfed so never had that issue.

cloudymelonade Sun 31-Mar-19 06:27:27

I tried meeting other expectant mums through apps, through NCT, pregnancy yoga, baby first aid classes, anywhere pregnancy related you could possibly think of! Didn't click with anybody at all and found similar things annoying that you've listed.

One day, found myself throwing up in a toilet cubicle in Tesco next to a fellow mum to be doing exactly the same! You'll find friends in the strangest places...

Crustaceans Sun 31-Mar-19 06:38:51

Watering down formula is not a good idea @Mummyoflittledragon. If they’re thirsty, babies will drink water. But sometimes people project their own aversion to water on to their children (and create one in them by doing so).

user1480880826 Sun 31-Mar-19 07:17:37

You’re better off meeting new mums at nice baby groups. That’s where I met a really nice group of mums when I had my first baby.

Someone in my NCT group gave her son sugar water to stop him feeding overnight so NCT is not free from idiots.

Noonooyou Sun 31-Mar-19 07:28:43

I think you're being quite judgemental. They are just asking for advice. People will always do things differently to others. I often see people giving their babies baby juice in a bottle. I personally wouldn't but I also wouldn't judge someone for it. To be honest, you sound like the sort of person I wouldn't want to hang out with as id be fearful of you judging every choice I made. It's hard enough being a parent as it is without people being judgy about 'young mums'

3in4years Sun 31-Mar-19 07:39:58

Baby and toddler groups is where I met all my friends.

BeanBag7 Sun 31-Mar-19 07:45:08

If you're planning to breastfeed have a look for breastfeeding support group nearby. I met loads of people through ours, mostly with similar lifestyles and outlooks to me, and babies close in age.

Camomila Sun 31-Mar-19 07:49:48

You could sign up to pregnancy yoga, the mums I met at baby yoga were all really nice.
Acquanatal (is that a word?!) classes would probably have similar mums too.

Ihatehashtags Sun 31-Mar-19 07:54:51

Yeah those examples sounds extreme but maybe they are also rolling their eyes at others. Like @crabbypatty you seem to think your ways are best? I’m a 32 year old mum, I can’t stand slings, didn’t breast feed and don’t believe in attachment parenting. I’m still a great mum. I feel your comment is condescending.

coffeecoffeecoffee4 Sun 31-Mar-19 08:29:02

I'd not give up on the app just yet. It's the same people who pop up on my feed allot. Young mums, who use it as social media rather than to actually meet people. Sadly some of them aren't as well informed/read as others. 🙈 But there's also lots of other mums on the app who don't necessarily post. If you skim the profiles and send a couple of messages you might be surprised by what you find.

I used it after my first pregnancy. Ended up meeting up with a few random mums in my local park. Kept it a weekly thing, inviting anyone who fancied it along. We were all different in our own wee ways but it was lovely to get out and have a gab. Used it again after my 2nd and met a couple of nice people for walks, soft play etc. Don't give up just yet! 😊

FrozenMargarita17 Sun 31-Mar-19 08:40:52

I downloaded a mums app when I was in the throes of pnd. I only met with one person from it, and she was so wonderful and glamorous and said 'how easy is this' and 'isn't it just the most wonderful job in the world' and 'it's not hard to do anything is it! I don't understand why people complain!' and kept talking about how she was at work already etc and how she loved her job and she did coffee mornings every week that she had lots of mums come to. I never met her again and didn't want to see anyone else and months later I realised she was MLM and that's why she wanted to meet me. I felt really taken advantage of.

Livingoncake Sun 31-Mar-19 09:01:56

@crabbypatty
If you’re a paediatric nurse, hopefully you know that mums who don’t breastfeed didn’t necessarily make that choice out of youthful ignorance or the lack of a proper role model.

Sure, breastfeeding is nature’s way, but since nature failed to properly develop my breasts at puberty, I had to find another way. I wish people would stop holding breastfeeding up as the morally correct choice. Many women can’t, either because nature fucked them over, or because the breastfeeding support they received post-birth was inadequate or non-existent. It doesn’t make us crap mums.

daphine2004 Sun 31-Mar-19 09:10:17

@Mummyoflittledragon tees that was a recent post about water.

@Ihatehashtags and @Noonooyou
I never once said in my post that my way was best and in fact I never advocated a right way. I guess I am judgemental at the things I read and I probably have grouped young mums together as they were the majority on the app. The examples I listed are all from that group. FYI I don’t wear slings, I did breastfeed for a short time and will be formula feeding this time. I also don’t do attachment parenting.

I had such a good experience with NCT last time and we are all still good friends now, four years on! I’ve also got a good network of other mums, but the issue is when I am on mat leave everyone is back at work.

I will have a look at NCT again and I know you get some characters there. We went to one of their first aid courses for babies and it was mixed with other groups. A mum introduced me to her hand puppet and went on to say that within her group they went to the local hospital one day just so they could give the kids peanut butter and be in he right place in the event of a reaction... NOT judging, just found it a bit different.

@coffeecoffeecoffee4 thanks for that. I’ll give it a tad longer.

@FrozenMargarita17 that’s disappointing, but I do understand how you may have felt. I had PND with my first but wasn’t diagnosed until he was nine months old. I just felt robotic in what I had to do and crap most of the time. The only person who knew was my partner as I didn’t have to have my guard up. What does MLM mean?

Dramatical Sun 31-Mar-19 09:17:19

You say you want to meet mums, but it's important to remember you will not get on with everyone simply because they are mums. Being a parent is one of the most bizarre ways to connect with people tbh. Have you any interests outside of being a mum that could lead you to new people, who may also happen to be parents?

Happyspud Sun 31-Mar-19 09:20:22

Maybe you’re in the right group and they could (gently) do with your help.

KnitterOfSocks Sun 31-Mar-19 09:20:35

One in my NCT group weaned her son at 6 weeks onto chocolate mousse because he loved them apparently.

daphine2004 Sun 31-Mar-19 09:27:36

@Dramatical I know, just because we are mums doesn’t mean we will get on.

Unfortunately I don’t have time for hobbies anymore as I work full time and travel quite a bit, so I squeeze in what I can, when I can. It’s annoying and I only have my weekends which is family time. However I’m joining pregnancy yoga next week which runs on a Saturday morning.

EncroachingLoaf Sun 31-Mar-19 09:32:18

I know which app you mean I think op. I get what you mean but to be honest I think I have rolled my eyes a lot more at things my NCT group say/do.

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