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To think “love” is a load of bollox for most women?!

(467 Posts)
Playtive Sun 31-Mar-19 00:32:11

It’s brightly packaged and sold to us but it’s all nonesense really. Even when you smugly think you’ve cracked it - fast forward 10 years and nope, no you haven’t. It’s all compromise and sacrifice, boredom and indifference.

Men are obsolete. I have my DC, I literally can’t think of a single other reason to want a man around. It’s all bullshit, I wish we never had “Hollywood” this side of the globe - many people would be a lot less disillusioned.

Anywho that’s my rant!

SurgeHopper Sun 31-Mar-19 00:34:15

Yeah totally agree tbh

DarkElf Sun 31-Mar-19 00:36:45

Well. Aren't you a little ray of sunshine? grin

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe Sun 31-Mar-19 00:38:25

That's really sad. I'm sorry you feel that way.

PregnantSea Sun 31-Mar-19 00:39:12

Men are obsolete? Wow. Just imagining the uproar on here if someone said that women are obsolete

ree348 Sun 31-Mar-19 00:41:27

OP you're obviously in an unhappy relationship?

Can't say I've felt like that and I hope I never do.

Playtive Sun 31-Mar-19 00:43:00

Wow. Just imagining the uproar on here if someone said that women are obsolete

I think we’re safe - Men are too desperate for sex and/or offspring for that ever to be so!

WhenISnappedAndFarted Sun 31-Mar-19 00:43:09

I can't say that I feel like that either. I'd hate not to have my DP. We've built a life together over the past eight years and I'd hate not to have that anymore.

RhymingRabbit Sun 31-Mar-19 00:44:31

I think I understand. Romantic love quickly becomes something else... For the lucky ones it becomes companionate love and for the unlucky ones it turns into indifference or even hate.

I honestly think I'm over love. I love my family but if something happened to separate my husband and I, I would NEVER marry again.

Playtive Sun 31-Mar-19 00:47:30

Yes RhymingRabbit you do understand!

feelingverylazytoday Sun 31-Mar-19 02:07:08

I think we're safe. Men are too desperate for sex and/or offspring for that ever to be so
Oh dear. Men can easily buy sex, or use porn, and a lot of them don't want children.

Stargazer888 Sun 31-Mar-19 02:08:40

20 years later and still happily in love. Personally I'm too desperate for sex to ever find men obsolete either. I don't think it's just men who need sex.

Siameasy Sun 31-Mar-19 02:26:27

I get what you’re saying in a way about Hollywood
I think it’s bollocks
I love DH and am happy; I think there’s a tendency to overthink it all. I tell DH he is boring and that I like that. My parents had quite a difficult relationship and I craved mundane so I’ve never had these expectations for anything other than contentment. DH knows this and agrees that it’s the way forward.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom Sun 31-Mar-19 02:26:59

While I agree that the way we are sold love and the Hollywood type with rules and tradition and pressure and the concept of failure if you don't fit into that or things don't work out are not only unhelpful but actually incredibly damaging is absolutely bullshit I strongly disagree with most of the rest of what you said.

Love can be great if it's healthy and equal and a positive, it can enrich your life immeasurably but it's part of a bigger picture. The rest of the areas of a persons life need just as much attention.

If i ended up on my own tomorrow I'd be ok because love is just one part of my life, my partner is someone I choose to share my life with because they bring something positive to it but I don't need them and if it wasn't working or they turned out to not be the person I thought they were then I wouldn't want them in my life anymore, I come first, love is just a (luckily for me) good thing on the list of other really important things.

We as capable adults in the world choose the things we want to learn from it's our job to not just blindly accept the norms but to question them and if they don't fit into a healthy life then to find a different way.

Cecedrake8989 Sun 31-Mar-19 03:12:14

That's really sad! I don't feel that way at all

Adversecamber22 Sun 31-Mar-19 03:36:38

Since when did we have to take notice of Hollywood?

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue Sun 31-Mar-19 03:37:48

I feel very sorry for you that you feel that way. You’re obviously jealous so lashing out but that doesn’t excuse such nasty, sexist language.

I’ve never felt that way. DH and I are childhood sweethearts and still happily in love many, many years later, but even if things didn’t work out I would never find myself with such nasty thinking.

AmyFl Sun 31-Mar-19 03:56:45

I agree OP - like you, I've had my children. It's sweet if women like being in a relationship, but I'm simply not interested, I have plenty of male company, and could marry if I wanted, but choose not to. I am so proud of my independence.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue Sun 31-Mar-19 04:21:58

I am so proud of my independence.

AmyFl What a silly comment. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re not independent, and likewise, being single doesn’t mean you’re independent.

Choosing to be alone is not something to be proud of confused

BitOfFun Sun 31-Mar-19 04:28:59

Love is everywhere, and it's the only thing that really matters when you get down to brass tacks. That said, it doesn't have to be romantic love, and if you've been disappointed in that, I can well understand your anger. Don't close yourself off though: just because a relationship has broken down, it doesn't mean that there was no love in it, or that you somehow "failed".

That was just one part of your life, and there's hopefully a long way to go.

SeaWitchly Sun 31-Mar-19 04:29:05

I understand OP. I have a very nice husband, we complement each other in many ways and enjoy each other’s company.
But if we divorced or separated somehow I am not sure I would ever marry again either.
I have my two DC, good friends and family close by. I enjoy my work and travelling. Why on earth would I ever want another man as a partner? That would feel obsolete to me at this stage in my life tbh.

Mummadeeze Sun 31-Mar-19 04:34:01

I am in a relationship that has turned toxic and I totally crave love. Having lived without it for several years, I want it more than ever. I am surprised the lack of it doesn’t make you aspire to finding it. I know I made a bad choice of partner and So I hope one day I will cherish the chance to make a better choice and find love for myself. It is what keeps me going in a way, the thought of being happy in a new relationship in the future. So no, I don’t really understand. I am not disillusioned because my partner let me down. I still have lots of love in me to share with someone who deserves it.

Choccymmm Sun 31-Mar-19 04:36:34

I sort of agree OP. The way we are supposed to organise our lives according to this disney/2.4kids thing is unrealistic bullshit and particularly problenatic for women imo

greatandpowerfulozma Sun 31-Mar-19 04:40:23

I understand where you’re coming from OP, but I am in the middle of getting divorced so it’s not a huge surprise!
I have my daughter and I love her to bits. I love my family but romantic love at the moment just feels like an exhausting prospect! Spent many recent years trying to make a crap marriage work and lost a lot of self respect on the way. If I’m honest the status of being married and everything looking perfect from the outside was a lot of the reason I was doing it. I didn’t want to let go of my Hollywood happy ending. I’m bloody glad I did though. Sometimes life is better out of a relationship than in one that’s for sure!!

soulrunner Sun 31-Mar-19 04:48:28

Tbh, OP, having worked in International development for the best part of a decade, I can categorically state that the majority of women in the world would be as well off or better off without their male partner so you are DNBU on a general basis.

Romantic love is definitely oversold and I think women are conditioned to overlook a lot of crap to keep the peace - still see so much "that's men hun" re. men being fucking useless twats around the house and with the kids.

Dh is a keeper but like seawitchly I'm "one and done". Happy with my friends, dc and extended family if anything happens to him or to us.

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