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I farted on his teacher

(72 Posts)
notsosureaboutthatthough Sat 30-Mar-19 20:54:54

Help meeeee

I bumped into my sons teacher in the toilets of Sainsbury’s OF ALL PLACES.
It was an awkward “oh hello” moment. She’s washing her hands, I bend down to reshuffle all my carrier bags that are hanging off my hands and with my arse in her direction I FUCKING FARTED.
I hate my pelvic floor and I hate my arse.
It was so loud and I looked at her right after. Why did I do that?! And she pretended not to see me looking and went about drying her hands but she couldn’t have missed it for the world.
I have parents night on Tuesday.
I would rather live in Sainsbury’s toilets forever than see her again.

She farts too, right?blush

Itssosunny Sun 31-Mar-19 10:05:00

CandyCreeper, the midwife sounded like she shouldn't be a midwife if she was shocked by the poo. In some countries to prevent pooping during the birth the midwives perform enemas. This is what I have read somewhere.
Anyway, back to the OP. Hope she is alright during the parent meeting. I would behave like nothing had happened. It didn't happen.

CandyCreeper Sun 31-Mar-19 09:57:35

Many ladies during the birth poop a bit so don't understand why the midwife was so shocked by the fart.

I can believe she looked disgusted tbh, I remember when I had my son I was begging for the toilet (number 2) but because I had an epidural they wouldnt let me, the room had several people in as it was a difficult birth and my son got stuck, all I remember is one of them screaming at the top of her voice “omg shes doing a poo!” in pure disgust. Still pisses me of now wish I had said something but was too out of it!

Back to the op no I wouldnt mention it!

Friendabc Sun 31-Mar-19 09:53:40

Someone farted in yoga yesterday.
I must admit I dread darting in yoga all that bending down and deep inhaling.
Op, I wouldn't mention it.

Taneartagam Sun 31-Mar-19 09:53:09

Don't bring it up! She might not have heard you and then you'll have to explain and it will be awkward times three!

Itssosunny Sun 31-Mar-19 09:49:36

It happened to me when I was in labour and the midwife was up close peering in, she looked disgusted, I was mortified and apologised - still cringe 20 odd years later

Many ladies during the birth poop a bit so don't understand why the midwife was so shocked by the fart.

ladygracie Sun 31-Mar-19 09:47:46

I’m a teacher and genuinely wouldn’t dream of telling any of my colleagues if that helps at all.

OohYeBelter47 Sun 31-Mar-19 09:41:32

It happened to me when I was in labour and the midwife was up close peering in, she looked disgusted, I was mortified and apologised - still cringe 20 odd years later....

HarrietSchulenberg Sun 31-Mar-19 02:09:22

I work in a secondary school. I farted audibly in a Y8 Maths lesson . Everyone heard but nobody knew who it was until I blushed and someone piped up, "Miss, was that YOU?".
They'd forgotten it by Y11, I think.

Justaboy Sat 30-Mar-19 23:50:03

If you know ANYONE who does not fart then will you let medical scienctists know as somehow basic human bioligy has been changed!

That could be an important discovery!

In the meantime;

Wherever you be let your wind go free
In church or chapel

Let it RATTLE!

nicenewdusters Sat 30-Mar-19 23:46:07

Just remembered what my daughter affectionately refers to as "Grandma's tennis fart". Delivered as she lunged across the garden for the ball. She was completely oblivious to it. My daughter still laughs about it - it was about 6 years ago.

nicenewdusters Sat 30-Mar-19 23:41:36

Perhaps put a whoopee cushion on your chair when you sit down opposite her at parent's evening? After she looks at you in horror you can whip it out and ask her if she remembers you from Sainsburys ?!

She'll either think you're insane, one of the Krankies, or a good laugh. Either way you'll still be known in the staff room as the Sainsbury's farter grin .

Weirdlookingbricks Sat 30-Mar-19 23:29:35

Yep that'll be all round the staffroom on Monday.

PositiveVibez Sat 30-Mar-19 23:28:17

Reminds me of when Alan Partridge let off in a tax inspectors face 🤣

Sorry OP.

You're going to have to front it out

BloodsportForAll Sat 30-Mar-19 23:25:55

We can email our kids teachers both at the primary and secondary, here. I would be emailing, or writing a small note, just saying you were and still are utterly mortified about what happened the other day when you bumped into each other and that you needed to day something because it was causing you a great deal of anxiety. And that you're sorry and hope it can be wiped from the record before parents eve.

Ella1980 Sat 30-Mar-19 23:25:28

I'm a primary teacher myself so used to hearing farts. It's an integral part of our profession!

BloodsportForAll Sat 30-Mar-19 23:22:26

I am the kind of person who is mortified if I do anything rude or toilet related etc within earshot of anyone.

But I grew up not kNowing I have lactose intolerance and I am was a windy person.

I've had to use my extroverted introvert super skills to be able to make loudish comments about that sort of thing.

It helps.

MummytoTw0 Sat 30-Mar-19 23:18:54

I'd move my kids to a different school lol

PantTwizzler Sat 30-Mar-19 23:12:43

Ah the thread title alone has made me chuckle!

Poor you OP. We're all human. Everybody farts!

Ihavealwaysknown Sat 30-Mar-19 23:06:30

Definitely just woken DH up laughing at this thread.

As a very professional teacher 😂 I would certainly be sharing this incident with my colleagues... sorry Ms. Flatulence.

Although as PP has said, at least it was in the toilets and not at parents evening!

HelpIcantfindaname Sat 30-Mar-19 23:06:25

Other way round for me - I'm the teacher who got embarrassed talking to a parent out of school. This parent is a gp at my practise. I usually avoid seeing him as I taught his son.
A couple of summers ago I'd not long met my partner & we were going on our first weekend away... only it was going to be the wrong time of the month. So I rang the surgery to see if I could get a pill to stop my period. The receptionist told me a gp would phone back....
Yes, it WAS THAT DAD....and he wanted to know why I wanted the tablet...and his daughter was starting school in my class the following week!!!!!
Think it would have been less embarrassing to have farted!

Obi73 Sat 30-Mar-19 22:59:08

Chances are if the dryer was on she didn’t hear - you’re fine xx

PauciloquentBumfuzzle Sat 30-Mar-19 22:50:26

Spelling 'hey oop' like this is way more embarrassing than farting!

Topseyt Sat 30-Mar-19 22:38:24


ASauvignonADay Sat 30-Mar-19 22:35:11

Yeah I'd make a joke about it - if a parent did this and made a joke about it next time I saw them I'd think it was hilarious but respect them for it!

FlutterShite Sat 30-Mar-19 22:32:16

Potatonose "a slight smile and then just say 'this weather we're having.'" grin grin

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