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I farted on his teacher

(72 Posts)
notsosureaboutthatthough Sat 30-Mar-19 20:54:54

Help meeeee

I bumped into my sons teacher in the toilets of Sainsbury’s OF ALL PLACES.
It was an awkward “oh hello” moment. She’s washing her hands, I bend down to reshuffle all my carrier bags that are hanging off my hands and with my arse in her direction I FUCKING FARTED.
I hate my pelvic floor and I hate my arse.
It was so loud and I looked at her right after. Why did I do that?! And she pretended not to see me looking and went about drying her hands but she couldn’t have missed it for the world.
I have parents night on Tuesday.
I would rather live in Sainsbury’s toilets forever than see her again.

She farts too, right?blush

notsosureaboutthatthough Sat 30-Mar-19 21:53:11

Smarmy no that’s evil 😂

Bobbycat121 Sat 30-Mar-19 21:56:38

I definitely wouldnt forget it, I would think about it everytime I seen you 😂

lotusbell Sat 30-Mar-19 21:57:11

I farted while having my c section, and in my drugged up state nervously laughed and said "oops, I farted" Surgeon just smiled and carried on grin

DisastrousBee Sat 30-Mar-19 22:02:56

Aiming for classics, ending up following through.

wearenevergettingbacktogether Sat 30-Mar-19 22:03:11

"Bobbycat121 Sat 30-Mar-19 21:56:38
I definitely wouldnt forget it, I would think about it everytime I seen you 😂"

Yeah, sorry, I agree. My cousin farted in the cubicle next to me about 20 years ago and I still remember the exact conversation we were having over the cubicle wall at the time.

LorelaiRoryEmily Sat 30-Mar-19 22:06:20

About 15 years ago I walked in the door of the beauty salon I used to go to. As I closed the door a massive sneeze came out of nowhere and I farted at the same time. 😳 really really loud and so smelly. I was mortified. She pretended not to hear and I had to swallow my laughter and shame. 15 years ago and I’m still mortified.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea Sat 30-Mar-19 22:06:52

You've just reminded me of the time a guy who is/was very, very senior to me in our profession was doing a site visit with me.
'Sadeyed? Come over here, what do you think that might be?'
<me, looking at him as he is talking, paying very close attention because he is very, very senior>
At exactly the moment he said 'that' he lifted his arm, shifted his weight slightly and let out the most fantastic fanfare of toots from his very lovely arse.
Me: mmmpppppp, notsureactuallycouldbeanythingohlookatthatoverthere

And then I faked a sneezing fit. He knew. I knew. He knew I knew. I still cry laughing over it even now. He is now my DP, and no, I've never mentioned it grin

LarryGreysonsDoor Sat 30-Mar-19 22:09:28

I used to work in a very posh department store.
I spent a long time serving an older Lady (and I mean Lady) and she spent the entire time farting. I figured she was unwell or had some kind of problem but it was very hard not to giggle.

Potatonose Sat 30-Mar-19 22:12:35

@notsureaboutthatthough a slight smile and then just say 'this weather we're having.'

Gone4Good Sat 30-Mar-19 22:13:02

As an old lady I can inform you we tend to have not only weak farting clappers but poor hearing. It makes for an embarrassing combination.

Potatonose Sat 30-Mar-19 22:13:41

When I was in hospital recently everyone was bloody farting, it was like blazing saddles. One woman kept spraying her body spray.

Schlerp Sat 30-Mar-19 22:16:54

Person farts in toilet shocker...

If this had happened at parents night, in Waitrose, at the PTA I’d understand the but we go to the toilet because that’s the one place we can do these things without judgement.

However you said you farted on the teacher. Were you rubbing your arse against this person in the toilet? cos that’s weird however you frame it.

That said I find farts hysterical and would have crumpled with laughter after making some ridiculously childish comment like “ooh c#” or “the bag pulled my finger”. I like to (and this may be identifying to some) vocally rate other’s farts from the safety of my cubicle. 2/10 poor show etc.

Own toilet noises and smells when in a toilet. Have pride in your expulsions, rate them!

littledoll33 Sat 30-Mar-19 22:17:10


Mumsymumphy Sat 30-Mar-19 22:18:51

Arise Dame FartyMum, for that is what you shall now forever be known as in the staffroom.

Itssosunny Sat 30-Mar-19 22:19:27

You should have smiled after looking her in the eye

No. Should have looked at her and said, "I beg your pardon?"

Itssosunny Sat 30-Mar-19 22:20:38

I knew one person who couldn't hold her carts after the cancer treatment. She was very embarrassed.

BrokenWing Sat 30-Mar-19 22:24:35

I bare arse farted into the face of the anesthesiologist while he was telling me to stay still and was midst sticking a needle into my spine for my epidural 😳. Too much gas probably...

VanillaBlossom Sat 30-Mar-19 22:27:52

😂😂 I bet she loves you now though!.
You will seem so human her than some scarey parent. (I'm sure there will be a bond there somewhere now 😉 )

Monday55 Sat 30-Mar-19 22:29:27

Forget the staffroom...It'll be in the school's newsletter next week.

LarryGreysonsDoor Sat 30-Mar-19 22:31:23

If this had happened at parents night, in Waitrose, at the PTA I’d understand

It was in Sainsbury’s, which is nearly as bad as Waitrose.

Grumpelstilskin Sat 30-Mar-19 22:31:54

I'd tell her at least, you weren't near a naked flame grin

PinkiOcelot Sat 30-Mar-19 22:32:09

You’re going to have to move schools OP. It’s the only option. She’ll definitely be dining out on that take in the staff room.

FlutterShite Sat 30-Mar-19 22:32:16

Potatonose "a slight smile and then just say 'this weather we're having.'" grin grin

ASauvignonADay Sat 30-Mar-19 22:35:11

Yeah I'd make a joke about it - if a parent did this and made a joke about it next time I saw them I'd think it was hilarious but respect them for it!

Topseyt Sat 30-Mar-19 22:38:24


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