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I farted on his teacher

(72 Posts)
notsosureaboutthatthough Sat 30-Mar-19 20:54:54

Help meeeee

I bumped into my sons teacher in the toilets of Sainsbury’s OF ALL PLACES.
It was an awkward “oh hello” moment. She’s washing her hands, I bend down to reshuffle all my carrier bags that are hanging off my hands and with my arse in her direction I FUCKING FARTED.
I hate my pelvic floor and I hate my arse.
It was so loud and I looked at her right after. Why did I do that?! And she pretended not to see me looking and went about drying her hands but she couldn’t have missed it for the world.
I have parents night on Tuesday.
I would rather live in Sainsbury’s toilets forever than see her again.

She farts too, right?blush

SomewhereInbetween1 Sat 30-Mar-19 20:56:44

Oh OP 😂 We've all got an horrendous farting story, and now you do too!

Itssosunny Sat 30-Mar-19 20:59:15

OP, you should write it here

WhiteDust Sat 30-Mar-19 20:59:17

She was probably mildly amused and forgot about it 5 mins later.
Don't worry about it OP. She's not going to chat about it at P eve.

Itssosunny Sat 30-Mar-19 20:59:57

Not write of course but read to see that there are worse moments.

BlueMerchant Sat 30-Mar-19 21:00:49

That's hilarious.
Your Ds will be forever known as 'the one with the farty mum'.shock
Only kidding.

MeOldBamboo Sat 30-Mar-19 21:00:59

You can NEVER go into school again. wink. I have just read this out to my DH and we have roared with laughter. Thanks for cracking us up!!!

Bobbycat121 Sat 30-Mar-19 21:01:03

I dont have any embarrassing fart stories. Nothing like that has ever happened to me, feel lucky I dont struggle holding them in! I would be mortified sorry op!

Sparklesocks Sat 30-Mar-19 21:01:45


notsosureaboutthatthough Sat 30-Mar-19 21:07:33

If she was known for having a good sense of humour, I might go to parents evening and say “ hey oop, il try not to fart on you this time”

But she’s really not.
And I probably wouldn’t anyway.

She probably thinks I was bursting on a big shit. I stayed I there for ten minutes as I didn’t want to pass her again. Then I remembered parents night

junebirthdaygirl Sat 30-Mar-19 21:09:09

I am a teacher and wouldn't give a dam if one of my parents farted in my presence. The only thing l hate and fail to understand is parents swearing when they are talking to me about their children. Otherwise l wouldn't blink an eye. We get used to that with kids as you have to completely ignore farting in class or there would be uproar with the others laughing. I always give a cold stare to any sign of merriment and plough straight on.

Imfinehowareyou Sat 30-Mar-19 21:11:04

She's a teacher. She spends all day having to breathe in kids' farts and pretend it doesn't bother her. It's normal for her sadly speaks from experience

Itssosunny Sat 30-Mar-19 21:14:12

I am a teacher and wouldn't give a dam if one of my parents farted in my presence.

The teacher may think that her DC is just like his/her mumgrin
The kids fart like hell, don't they. The classrooms often are so stinky.

BlueMerchant Sat 30-Mar-19 21:14:23

'I'll try not to fart on you...'
Ha ha ha ha ha hagrin
Please say that and report back.

Claire90ftm Sat 30-Mar-19 21:21:26

I'm sorry OP, but tbh, if an adult farted ON me, I'd be pretty disgusted. I'm sure she's looking forward to seeing you after the incident as much as you're looking forward to seeing her.

Fresta Sat 30-Mar-19 21:22:03

I bet she's going to tell her colleagues in the staffroom about it though grin

7circlemats Sat 30-Mar-19 21:22:02

😂 I'm a teacher OP, this would have made me laugh so much and I'm afraid I would tell everyone 🤦‍♀️

LarryGreysonsDoor Sat 30-Mar-19 21:24:40

Human beings fart. It’s life.
Children fart all day long.
It’s especially bad if they have assembly after lunch and they are all sitting cross legged on a hard floor. It reverberates.

Tinkoschminko Sat 30-Mar-19 21:26:06

I’m a teacher and you would be my favourite parent if you made a joke about it.

StarlingsEverywhere Sat 30-Mar-19 21:26:18

I farted on my midwife’s hand when she checked my stitches the day after DS was born. I did say “I’m going to fart!” but it was literally a second before. She gave me the dirtiest look! You’d think it would be an occupational hazard!

Littlefish Sat 30-Mar-19 21:27:12

That will definitely be talked about in the staffroom!

Potatonose Sat 30-Mar-19 21:42:08

You should have smiled after looking her in the eye.

notsosureaboutthatthough Sat 30-Mar-19 21:50:28

Should I make a joke? Maybe then she will think I’m weird and it’s likely to happen again.. and what would I even say. “Hi how are you, good day shopping? Sorry I ruined it by farting on you”

Oh no they are all going to be talking about me aren’t they.

The rhymey surname I have that works great with ‘fart’ is coming back to haunt me from the depths of childhood playground jokes.


SmarmyMrMime Sat 30-Mar-19 21:51:46

She'll be used to farting.
Before I identified my IBS triggers, if I could feel one brewing, I'd stand near the silly boys and let them fight over the glory. They only rumbled me the once grin

notsosureaboutthatthough Sat 30-Mar-19 21:52:06

You should have smiled after looking her in the eye

Ok that made me laugh.
What, like a slow creeping sideways glance type smile.. eyes following her all the way out the room

notsosureaboutthatthough Sat 30-Mar-19 21:53:11

Smarmy no that’s evil 😂

Bobbycat121 Sat 30-Mar-19 21:56:38

I definitely wouldnt forget it, I would think about it everytime I seen you 😂

lotusbell Sat 30-Mar-19 21:57:11

I farted while having my c section, and in my drugged up state nervously laughed and said "oops, I farted" Surgeon just smiled and carried on grin

DisastrousBee Sat 30-Mar-19 22:02:56

Aiming for classics, ending up following through.

wearenevergettingbacktogether Sat 30-Mar-19 22:03:11

"Bobbycat121 Sat 30-Mar-19 21:56:38
I definitely wouldnt forget it, I would think about it everytime I seen you 😂"

Yeah, sorry, I agree. My cousin farted in the cubicle next to me about 20 years ago and I still remember the exact conversation we were having over the cubicle wall at the time.

LorelaiRoryEmily Sat 30-Mar-19 22:06:20

About 15 years ago I walked in the door of the beauty salon I used to go to. As I closed the door a massive sneeze came out of nowhere and I farted at the same time. 😳 really really loud and so smelly. I was mortified. She pretended not to hear and I had to swallow my laughter and shame. 15 years ago and I’m still mortified.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea Sat 30-Mar-19 22:06:52

You've just reminded me of the time a guy who is/was very, very senior to me in our profession was doing a site visit with me.
'Sadeyed? Come over here, what do you think that might be?'
<me, looking at him as he is talking, paying very close attention because he is very, very senior>
At exactly the moment he said 'that' he lifted his arm, shifted his weight slightly and let out the most fantastic fanfare of toots from his very lovely arse.
Me: mmmpppppp, notsureactuallycouldbeanythingohlookatthatoverthere

And then I faked a sneezing fit. He knew. I knew. He knew I knew. I still cry laughing over it even now. He is now my DP, and no, I've never mentioned it grin

LarryGreysonsDoor Sat 30-Mar-19 22:09:28

I used to work in a very posh department store.
I spent a long time serving an older Lady (and I mean Lady) and she spent the entire time farting. I figured she was unwell or had some kind of problem but it was very hard not to giggle.

Potatonose Sat 30-Mar-19 22:12:35

@notsureaboutthatthough a slight smile and then just say 'this weather we're having.'

Gone4Good Sat 30-Mar-19 22:13:02

As an old lady I can inform you we tend to have not only weak farting clappers but poor hearing. It makes for an embarrassing combination.

Potatonose Sat 30-Mar-19 22:13:41

When I was in hospital recently everyone was bloody farting, it was like blazing saddles. One woman kept spraying her body spray.

Schlerp Sat 30-Mar-19 22:16:54

Person farts in toilet shocker...

If this had happened at parents night, in Waitrose, at the PTA I’d understand the but we go to the toilet because that’s the one place we can do these things without judgement.

However you said you farted on the teacher. Were you rubbing your arse against this person in the toilet? cos that’s weird however you frame it.

That said I find farts hysterical and would have crumpled with laughter after making some ridiculously childish comment like “ooh c#” or “the bag pulled my finger”. I like to (and this may be identifying to some) vocally rate other’s farts from the safety of my cubicle. 2/10 poor show etc.

Own toilet noises and smells when in a toilet. Have pride in your expulsions, rate them!

littledoll33 Sat 30-Mar-19 22:17:10


Mumsymumphy Sat 30-Mar-19 22:18:51

Arise Dame FartyMum, for that is what you shall now forever be known as in the staffroom.

Itssosunny Sat 30-Mar-19 22:19:27

You should have smiled after looking her in the eye

No. Should have looked at her and said, "I beg your pardon?"

Itssosunny Sat 30-Mar-19 22:20:38

I knew one person who couldn't hold her carts after the cancer treatment. She was very embarrassed.

BrokenWing Sat 30-Mar-19 22:24:35

I bare arse farted into the face of the anesthesiologist while he was telling me to stay still and was midst sticking a needle into my spine for my epidural 😳. Too much gas probably...

VanillaBlossom Sat 30-Mar-19 22:27:52

😂😂 I bet she loves you now though!.
You will seem so human her than some scarey parent. (I'm sure there will be a bond there somewhere now 😉 )

Monday55 Sat 30-Mar-19 22:29:27

Forget the staffroom...It'll be in the school's newsletter next week.

LarryGreysonsDoor Sat 30-Mar-19 22:31:23

If this had happened at parents night, in Waitrose, at the PTA I’d understand

It was in Sainsbury’s, which is nearly as bad as Waitrose.

Grumpelstilskin Sat 30-Mar-19 22:31:54

I'd tell her at least, you weren't near a naked flame grin

PinkiOcelot Sat 30-Mar-19 22:32:09

You’re going to have to move schools OP. It’s the only option. She’ll definitely be dining out on that take in the staff room.

FlutterShite Sat 30-Mar-19 22:32:16

Potatonose "a slight smile and then just say 'this weather we're having.'" grin grin

ASauvignonADay Sat 30-Mar-19 22:35:11

Yeah I'd make a joke about it - if a parent did this and made a joke about it next time I saw them I'd think it was hilarious but respect them for it!

Topseyt Sat 30-Mar-19 22:38:24


PauciloquentBumfuzzle Sat 30-Mar-19 22:50:26

Spelling 'hey oop' like this is way more embarrassing than farting!

Obi73 Sat 30-Mar-19 22:59:08

Chances are if the dryer was on she didn’t hear - you’re fine xx

HelpIcantfindaname Sat 30-Mar-19 23:06:25

Other way round for me - I'm the teacher who got embarrassed talking to a parent out of school. This parent is a gp at my practise. I usually avoid seeing him as I taught his son.
A couple of summers ago I'd not long met my partner & we were going on our first weekend away... only it was going to be the wrong time of the month. So I rang the surgery to see if I could get a pill to stop my period. The receptionist told me a gp would phone back....
Yes, it WAS THAT DAD....and he wanted to know why I wanted the tablet...and his daughter was starting school in my class the following week!!!!!
Think it would have been less embarrassing to have farted!

Ihavealwaysknown Sat 30-Mar-19 23:06:30

Definitely just woken DH up laughing at this thread.

As a very professional teacher 😂 I would certainly be sharing this incident with my colleagues... sorry Ms. Flatulence.

Although as PP has said, at least it was in the toilets and not at parents evening!

PantTwizzler Sat 30-Mar-19 23:12:43

Ah the thread title alone has made me chuckle!

Poor you OP. We're all human. Everybody farts!

MummytoTw0 Sat 30-Mar-19 23:18:54

I'd move my kids to a different school lol

BloodsportForAll Sat 30-Mar-19 23:22:26

I am the kind of person who is mortified if I do anything rude or toilet related etc within earshot of anyone.

But I grew up not kNowing I have lactose intolerance and I am was a windy person.

I've had to use my extroverted introvert super skills to be able to make loudish comments about that sort of thing.

It helps.

Ella1980 Sat 30-Mar-19 23:25:28

I'm a primary teacher myself so used to hearing farts. It's an integral part of our profession!

BloodsportForAll Sat 30-Mar-19 23:25:55

We can email our kids teachers both at the primary and secondary, here. I would be emailing, or writing a small note, just saying you were and still are utterly mortified about what happened the other day when you bumped into each other and that you needed to day something because it was causing you a great deal of anxiety. And that you're sorry and hope it can be wiped from the record before parents eve.

PositiveVibez Sat 30-Mar-19 23:28:17

Reminds me of when Alan Partridge let off in a tax inspectors face 🤣

Sorry OP.

You're going to have to front it out

Weirdlookingbricks Sat 30-Mar-19 23:29:35

Yep that'll be all round the staffroom on Monday.

nicenewdusters Sat 30-Mar-19 23:41:36

Perhaps put a whoopee cushion on your chair when you sit down opposite her at parent's evening? After she looks at you in horror you can whip it out and ask her if she remembers you from Sainsburys ?!

She'll either think you're insane, one of the Krankies, or a good laugh. Either way you'll still be known in the staff room as the Sainsbury's farter grin .

nicenewdusters Sat 30-Mar-19 23:46:07

Just remembered what my daughter affectionately refers to as "Grandma's tennis fart". Delivered as she lunged across the garden for the ball. She was completely oblivious to it. My daughter still laughs about it - it was about 6 years ago.

Justaboy Sat 30-Mar-19 23:50:03

If you know ANYONE who does not fart then will you let medical scienctists know as somehow basic human bioligy has been changed!

That could be an important discovery!

In the meantime;

Wherever you be let your wind go free
In church or chapel

Let it RATTLE!

HarrietSchulenberg Sun 31-Mar-19 02:09:22

I work in a secondary school. I farted audibly in a Y8 Maths lesson . Everyone heard but nobody knew who it was until I blushed and someone piped up, "Miss, was that YOU?".
They'd forgotten it by Y11, I think.

OohYeBelter47 Sun 31-Mar-19 09:41:32

It happened to me when I was in labour and the midwife was up close peering in, she looked disgusted, I was mortified and apologised - still cringe 20 odd years later....

ladygracie Sun 31-Mar-19 09:47:46

I’m a teacher and genuinely wouldn’t dream of telling any of my colleagues if that helps at all.

Itssosunny Sun 31-Mar-19 09:49:36

It happened to me when I was in labour and the midwife was up close peering in, she looked disgusted, I was mortified and apologised - still cringe 20 odd years later

Many ladies during the birth poop a bit so don't understand why the midwife was so shocked by the fart.

Taneartagam Sun 31-Mar-19 09:53:09

Don't bring it up! She might not have heard you and then you'll have to explain and it will be awkward times three!

Friendabc Sun 31-Mar-19 09:53:40

Someone farted in yoga yesterday.
I must admit I dread darting in yoga all that bending down and deep inhaling.
Op, I wouldn't mention it.

CandyCreeper Sun 31-Mar-19 09:57:35

Many ladies during the birth poop a bit so don't understand why the midwife was so shocked by the fart.

I can believe she looked disgusted tbh, I remember when I had my son I was begging for the toilet (number 2) but because I had an epidural they wouldnt let me, the room had several people in as it was a difficult birth and my son got stuck, all I remember is one of them screaming at the top of her voice “omg shes doing a poo!” in pure disgust. Still pisses me of now wish I had said something but was too out of it!

Back to the op no I wouldnt mention it!

Itssosunny Sun 31-Mar-19 10:05:00

CandyCreeper, the midwife sounded like she shouldn't be a midwife if she was shocked by the poo. In some countries to prevent pooping during the birth the midwives perform enemas. This is what I have read somewhere.
Anyway, back to the OP. Hope she is alright during the parent meeting. I would behave like nothing had happened. It didn't happen.

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