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I farted on his teacher

(72 Posts)
notsosureaboutthatthough Sat 30-Mar-19 20:54:54

Help meeeee

I bumped into my sons teacher in the toilets of Sainsbury’s OF ALL PLACES.
It was an awkward “oh hello” moment. She’s washing her hands, I bend down to reshuffle all my carrier bags that are hanging off my hands and with my arse in her direction I FUCKING FARTED.
I hate my pelvic floor and I hate my arse.
It was so loud and I looked at her right after. Why did I do that?! And she pretended not to see me looking and went about drying her hands but she couldn’t have missed it for the world.
I have parents night on Tuesday.
I would rather live in Sainsbury’s toilets forever than see her again.

She farts too, right?blush

SomewhereInbetween1 Sat 30-Mar-19 20:56:44

Oh OP 😂 We've all got an horrendous farting story, and now you do too!

Itssosunny Sat 30-Mar-19 20:59:15

OP, you should write it here

WhiteDust Sat 30-Mar-19 20:59:17

She was probably mildly amused and forgot about it 5 mins later.
Don't worry about it OP. She's not going to chat about it at P eve.

Itssosunny Sat 30-Mar-19 20:59:57

Not write of course but read to see that there are worse moments.

BlueMerchant Sat 30-Mar-19 21:00:49

That's hilarious.
Your Ds will be forever known as 'the one with the farty mum'.shock
Only kidding.

MeOldBamboo Sat 30-Mar-19 21:00:59

You can NEVER go into school again. wink. I have just read this out to my DH and we have roared with laughter. Thanks for cracking us up!!!

Bobbycat121 Sat 30-Mar-19 21:01:03

I dont have any embarrassing fart stories. Nothing like that has ever happened to me, feel lucky I dont struggle holding them in! I would be mortified sorry op!

Sparklesocks Sat 30-Mar-19 21:01:45


notsosureaboutthatthough Sat 30-Mar-19 21:07:33

If she was known for having a good sense of humour, I might go to parents evening and say “ hey oop, il try not to fart on you this time”

But she’s really not.
And I probably wouldn’t anyway.

She probably thinks I was bursting on a big shit. I stayed I there for ten minutes as I didn’t want to pass her again. Then I remembered parents night

junebirthdaygirl Sat 30-Mar-19 21:09:09

I am a teacher and wouldn't give a dam if one of my parents farted in my presence. The only thing l hate and fail to understand is parents swearing when they are talking to me about their children. Otherwise l wouldn't blink an eye. We get used to that with kids as you have to completely ignore farting in class or there would be uproar with the others laughing. I always give a cold stare to any sign of merriment and plough straight on.

Imfinehowareyou Sat 30-Mar-19 21:11:04

She's a teacher. She spends all day having to breathe in kids' farts and pretend it doesn't bother her. It's normal for her sadly speaks from experience

Itssosunny Sat 30-Mar-19 21:14:12

I am a teacher and wouldn't give a dam if one of my parents farted in my presence.

The teacher may think that her DC is just like his/her mumgrin
The kids fart like hell, don't they. The classrooms often are so stinky.

BlueMerchant Sat 30-Mar-19 21:14:23

'I'll try not to fart on you...'
Ha ha ha ha ha hagrin
Please say that and report back.

Claire90ftm Sat 30-Mar-19 21:21:26

I'm sorry OP, but tbh, if an adult farted ON me, I'd be pretty disgusted. I'm sure she's looking forward to seeing you after the incident as much as you're looking forward to seeing her.

Fresta Sat 30-Mar-19 21:22:03

I bet she's going to tell her colleagues in the staffroom about it though grin

7circlemats Sat 30-Mar-19 21:22:02

😂 I'm a teacher OP, this would have made me laugh so much and I'm afraid I would tell everyone 🤦‍♀️

LarryGreysonsDoor Sat 30-Mar-19 21:24:40

Human beings fart. It’s life.
Children fart all day long.
It’s especially bad if they have assembly after lunch and they are all sitting cross legged on a hard floor. It reverberates.

Tinkoschminko Sat 30-Mar-19 21:26:06

I’m a teacher and you would be my favourite parent if you made a joke about it.

StarlingsEverywhere Sat 30-Mar-19 21:26:18

I farted on my midwife’s hand when she checked my stitches the day after DS was born. I did say “I’m going to fart!” but it was literally a second before. She gave me the dirtiest look! You’d think it would be an occupational hazard!

Littlefish Sat 30-Mar-19 21:27:12

That will definitely be talked about in the staffroom!

Potatonose Sat 30-Mar-19 21:42:08

You should have smiled after looking her in the eye.

notsosureaboutthatthough Sat 30-Mar-19 21:50:28

Should I make a joke? Maybe then she will think I’m weird and it’s likely to happen again.. and what would I even say. “Hi how are you, good day shopping? Sorry I ruined it by farting on you”

Oh no they are all going to be talking about me aren’t they.

The rhymey surname I have that works great with ‘fart’ is coming back to haunt me from the depths of childhood playground jokes.


SmarmyMrMime Sat 30-Mar-19 21:51:46

She'll be used to farting.
Before I identified my IBS triggers, if I could feel one brewing, I'd stand near the silly boys and let them fight over the glory. They only rumbled me the once grin

notsosureaboutthatthough Sat 30-Mar-19 21:52:06

You should have smiled after looking her in the eye

Ok that made me laugh.
What, like a slow creeping sideways glance type smile.. eyes following her all the way out the room

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