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Co sleeping with a 1 year old

(31 Posts)
Blue12daisy Sat 30-Mar-19 20:04:22

Hi I am currently co sleeping with my 1.yr old which I have no issue doing however I go to bed when they do around 6.30 to 7. 30 and always have done since they wouldn't settle in the cot from about 6 months, after a holiday where I ended up having to co sleep as the cot supplied wasn't suitable. I go back to work soon and I need to work from home in the evenings so I need to try to be able to put them to bed and work. I would appreciate any suggestions on achieving this without controlled crying which I personally do not want to do. I have tried putting them down asleep and patting them when they wake and this doesn't work. She wakes as soon as I put her in the cot and starts to cry, she really panics which I won't have and pick her up straight away. The health visitors couldn't suggest anything else either and said there is no miracle answer and to carry on as I am if it works. I thought I would try on here in case anyone else has been doing this and perhaps can suggest how they stopped co sleeping. She also stands in the cot and I am worried she will fall and hurt herself, it says not to use bumpers at this age. I have played with her in the cot during the day for her to try to get used to it and it is in our room. She was in the cot from 4 and a bit month in our room but since the hols she hates it, we tried in her room too. I really am not sure what to do.

Waveysnail Sat 30-Mar-19 20:07:54

Do you have a partner? If so could he put her to bed?

I used the pick up and put down method but it can take hours in the beginning.

BoobiesToTheRescue Sat 30-Mar-19 20:08:45

She doesn't need a cot if you want to continue co-sleeping.

You just leave the room once she's asleep. Make the space safe, get a camera monitor, bobs your uncle.

Witchtower Sat 30-Mar-19 20:09:56

My daughter, DD3, slept beautifully from 3months-2years. She has now suddenly decided that she no longer wants to sleep. At first we kept putting her back in her cot but we gave up as we couldn’t be bothered. BUT this does work as we did it with DD1. We just kept putting her back in her cot, took us about 3 hours a night for 2 weeks but we got there in the end.
With DD3 I can’t be arsed to do that again so I lay in the bed next to DD cot until she’s asleep. This doesn’t take me very long.

Goid luck OP!

Bouncebacker Sat 30-Mar-19 20:12:10

Just lie with her until she goes to sleep and then slip away? It does get easier, promise - my four and 7 year olds now both go to sleep by themselves in their own beds - I tried absolutely everything and drive myself demented trying every method under the sun -spent a lot of my first year back after mat leave writing emails on my phone in the dark in my sons room.

A big mattress on the floor in the child’s room (rather than a cot) with a stair gate over the door so I knew they were safe was helpful as they slowly got used to being on their own, and it was easy for me to get in with them - it helped them get used to their own rooms. When a bit older, audiobooks to listen too kept them in bed.

Readysteadygoat Sat 30-Mar-19 20:15:26

I co sleep with my 11 month old. Her cot is pushed up to our bed with a side missing though she's rarely in it. Once she's fallen asleep on our bed I go downstairs until my bedtime. She doesn't really move.
Would that work for you?
I don't think you need to worry about her hurting herself in her cot, she might get a bump but she could do that almost anytime

MustBeAWeasly Sat 30-Mar-19 20:15:44

You've been going to bed that early every night! 😳 Bless you you need some evenings to yourself! I Co sleep 11 month old dd who only falls asleep in our arms so I just breastfeed her to sleep at 7 and slip away when she's asleep. Have a camera set up and a guard round the bed. Then I get a quiet evening and go up to bed later.
Thats when the fun starts 😴

Worriedwart18 Sat 30-Mar-19 20:17:14

Sleepyhead grand. Bloody expensive but worth every penny as my son loves being cosy and close to me.

DontFundHate Sat 30-Mar-19 20:18:25

Yep mattress on the floor, or you could lie in the cot with baby and slip away once they're asleep, that's what I do grin

AlmostAlwyn Sat 30-Mar-19 20:20:19

I cosleep with my 2 year old and just get up once he's asleep. We've got a super king size bed (which isn't too high up off the floor) and a toddler bed guard on my side of the bed. I use a baby monitor app (Dormi, free!) and just go back in if he wakes up (though we're still breastfeeding so it's just 5-10 minutes of boob and I can get away again).

Would just carrying on sleeping in your bed be doable?

JagerPlease Sat 30-Mar-19 20:20:42

Another vote for lie with them until they fall asleep then slip out. This is what I've always had to do with mine and then just leave the monitor on

McMole Sat 30-Mar-19 20:23:08

I cosleep with my 4 year old and now just get up and go downstairs once she's sleeping. When she was smaller she'd take so long to go to sleep that I frequently fell asleep when she did!

keepforgettingmyusername Sat 30-Mar-19 20:24:08

As others, I co sleep with my 2 yo- one side of the bed pushed against the wall and cot on the other side, I just leave him once he's asleep.

HarrietM87 Sat 30-Mar-19 20:29:42

I did this too until my baby was 8 months. He would always wake up when I left so I needed to change things. We did pick up put down for 10 days (picking him up hundreds and hundreds of times), then comforted him in cot without picking up for 10 days (rubbing his back and singing), then did just singing and ssshing for 10 days. Now he just needs a bit of a ssshh and sometimes a hand on his back for a few seconds. He’s 11 months and I’m still breastfeeding. It was a slog but worth it as I never wanted to leave him to cry.

Purplejay Sat 30-Mar-19 20:29:46

Could you go to bed with her and get up once she is asleep? That’s what I did with DS. Once he was about 18m I did it in his bed and then when he woke anywhere between midnight and 6am he would wander through and climb in with me. I found we got the most sleep that way.

CrazyOldBagLady Sat 30-Mar-19 20:30:02

I had problems transferring my son to his cot when he was asleep, until we removed his cot and put in a floor bed. A mattress on the floor would be fine. I can now transfer him with no issues and if he stirs in the night I just lie down with him and feed him back to sleep, then roll away. Its been a complete game changer and I can't recommend it enough.

Cheby Sat 30-Mar-19 20:38:32

Just keep on cosleeping. Hey baby to sleep, then creep out. Or sit up in bed and work on your laptop. I’ve done that more times than I can count. DD2 would just settle if she could have one hand touching me and wasn’t disturbed by my typing or low light.

If you’re worried about her falling out, then either a low bed/mattress on the floor, or bedguards and video monitor set up are your friends.

We had the cot attached to the bed with one side off (google how to side car a cot), gunt super king bed and bedguard on the other side, plus video monitor. The advantage of having a side car cot is they get used to sleeping in the cot while still next to you. We put the side back on the cot when she was coming up to 2, and not long after she started sleeping through. No sleep training or crying involved.

Cheby Sat 30-Mar-19 20:39:21

*giant super king, not gunt super king 😂

SleepyPaws Sat 30-Mar-19 20:49:33

When both my DC were babies I would lie with them until they were asleep then leave them safely on the bed. When they were a little older they would fall asleep in my arms/on the bed then I use to put them down in their cot. If they woke at any point durning the night I'd bring them back in with me.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Sat 30-Mar-19 21:49:39

We did the disappearing chair technique. It does involve crying and isn't gentle but they are in the room with you so aren't on their own and we did pick up and give a cuddle when they were distressed. Can give more info if interested. Went from co sleeping with 90 min wake ups to sleeping all night in town cot in 2 nights!

honorariam Sat 30-Mar-19 21:55:21

Teacher, I'm guessing? I was in the exact same boat. I just didn't take work home. If it wasn't done at school before 4pm, it wasn't done.

Andcake Sat 30-Mar-19 22:02:10

We didn't it a slightly different way..got a normal single for ds room and did cot by side with side off like we'd had for fo sleeping before. I would stay with him until he slept then only go back in if or when he woke in night. It worked wonders at about 15 mo and we never looked back

Saracen Sat 30-Mar-19 23:57:34

Are your working-from-home hours flexible?

If so, you could experiment with different sleep patterns for yourself. Instead of working in the evenings, for instance, sleep for a few hours and then get up and work for a few hours before returning to bed. Assuming you are working in front of a screen, the best schedule in terms of quality of your sleep is probably waking up early to work... but many babies and toddlers aren't sleeping soundly at 3/4/5am so that might not be practical.

OnceUponAFairyTime Sun 31-Mar-19 00:04:10

Let them fall asleep downstairs next to you and then work by their side which is what I do, or work upstairs in the room once they’re asleep? Or if you have a partner can they take over?

Blue12daisy Sun 31-Mar-19 09:45:39

Hi I'm a project manager but my work have said I can leave at 3 to collect my daughter however I need to make up the time at home so I need to try to do 1.5 to 2 hours

Divgirl2 Sun 31-Mar-19 09:55:02

In that situation I would leave them in childcare until normal finishing time. At least where I am it isn't any cheaper to pick them up early, and my son LOVES nursery so even if I do leave work an hour or so early I tend to end up shopping reading in a coffee shop until his normal pick up time.

BarrenFieldofFucks Sun 31-Mar-19 09:56:48

Our 18 month old falls asleep on me then I put him in our bed. We then join him later.
We have attached a toddler bed to the side of out bed for extra space.

Divgirl2 Sun 31-Mar-19 09:58:31

Oh, and I'm still co sleeping with my 1 year old but he's now napping in his cot. I put him down once he's asleep (feed to sleep). Nursery was a game changer for that - he'd never slept in a cot before nursery and now he'll happily go down and stay asleep for hours.

It's a very good nursery.

Blue12daisy Sun 31-Mar-19 18:38:15

Thanks so much for you all taking the time to respond. Really great suggestions too I am so grateful.
I do have a partner but he has never done a night time and I am still feeding my daughter so I doubt she would settle if he tried to settle her. I have dropped the daytime feeds so far and I am going to drop the one after brekky next, then tackle the night time ones which I guess will be the hardest.
My hours are flexible to a point so I can log on early to catch up whilst little one is sleeping if I need to and log on my lap top in the same room once she is a sleep too.
My partner has taken the side off of the cot and it is against our bed now, I am going to try this suggestion first and move the camera from her room into ours so I can attempt to sneak out once she is a sleep. I have a bed guard on the other side of the bed.
I will let you k wk how it goes, thanks again all 👍😄

Blue12daisy Sun 31-Mar-19 18:39:39

My little one starts nursery soon, I am hoping the same thing will happen that you experienced with the cot 👍

Blue12daisy Wed 03-Apr-19 19:06:30

Hi a little update. It has been successful putting my daughter in the cot with the side off against our bed. She has taken a little bit longer to settle but has stayed in the cot all night 👍 she is still waking up approx 4 times to feed or comfort feed so I need to work on this now. I'm thinking perhaps the pillow mentioned might help but it's £205!! Seems very expensive.
I feel we have made a good step forward.
Next steps get brave and leave her once a sleep with the monitor on and gradually stop breast feeding her at night in the hope she will sleep longer. Daytime feeding has stopped now and she has cows milk.
Thanks again all, 😊😊

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