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Belittled in front of husbands work colleagues

(53 Posts)
tryingtobereal Sat 30-Mar-19 19:22:25

To be feeling really small.

I work in retail, not my dream job and I’m studying so I can one day find something more along the lines to what my husband does (very skilled office job). But it means I can contribute towards bills and have enough time to spend some quality time with the husband/family. And I actually enjoy selling and helping people.

I was at a dinner party last night, and the host who is a friend we made recently interrupted a conversation I was having with one of my husbands work colleagues to say “ I’m so impressed with you...., you’re not one of those wives who sit on their fat arses, and you work in a shop instead. It’s so impressive you do that, when you could just be at home”. I didn’t think much of it, but if just seemed inappropriate since I was trying to have a serious conversation with this other lady. It also was said in a very patronizing tone and incorrect since I could not do the above even if I wanted to.

Later on in the evening we had to leave somewhat early because I work on Saturdays, we were saying our goodbyes and in a loud tone she said in front of everyone “.....has to leave because his wife works in a shop, and they start really early. Don’t you have to wake up in the early hours? I feel so sorry for you but I think it’s so impressive ....that you do this”.

I guess in word format it sounds silly. I felt so belittled, because it’s already awkward enough for me in these situations when I can’t join in the conversations as I’m not networked in their circles. But it was done in a loud patronizing manner in front of guests and my husbands colleagues. She herself has a top job in the city and everyone in the room is very much on the same line. She does not work with my husband though.

Am I being crazy to feel this way? I can’t shrug the feeling off.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Sat 30-Mar-19 19:25:00

Shes an arse. For what ever reason she felt threatened by you. I hope your DH defended you ?

NCforthis2019 Sat 30-Mar-19 19:38:43

Nah. She’s was an arse, if she really wanted to say how impressive you were (which you are btw) then she could have privately spoken to you. She didn’t have to say it out loud so everyone knew. She was trying to patronise you while adding positives to her sentences.... ‘your so impressive’ to make her look like she’s being all nice to you but I think I’m reality, she’s a jumped up city cow who probably has low self esteem and has to belittle others who has a job ‘lower’ than hers (in her eyes anyway)

I hope your DH put her straight. I could never be friends with someone like that.

And don’t give it another moments thought OP - your are doing a great job - you’re helping with the household expense etc etc. Good luck.

wafflyversatile Sat 30-Mar-19 19:44:30

She was being an arse and I expect the other people know it. Its for her to feel belittled.

BloodsportForAll Sat 30-Mar-19 19:46:39


She had no right to judge you like that. What an awful way to behave.

Chottie Sat 30-Mar-19 19:48:54

I really wouldn't worry about it.

She has just shown everyone exactly who she is. If I had been there, I would have just thought "what what a prize b*tch".

Good luck with your studies - onwards and upwards. smile

Tentomidnight Sat 30-Mar-19 19:55:38

I’m guessing that you are either either fantastic conversationally or very attractive, or both, and she felt threatened by you.
She behaved terribly, but try not to let her comments get to you, she’s not worth the effort.

Knittedfairies Sat 30-Mar-19 20:00:09

Her comments say far more about her than you; I think most of your husband's colleagues will have picked up on that.

Whatdoyouknowwhenyouknownowt Sat 30-Mar-19 20:00:32

I'm a wife who sits at home on her fat arse...

I do a tonne of stuff but she would have judged the fuck out of me then.

She's a snobby git.

OutOntheTilez Sat 30-Mar-19 20:00:56

She’s a horse’s a$$. Sorry, didn’t mean to insult horses.

She’s passive-aggressive and for whatever reason feels the need to belittle others to make herself feel better and look important. It’s very adolescent behavior, and she’s pathetic. She’s shown her true colors, and if the other people there are decent people, they’ll recognize this and see her for what she is.

You are doing wonderfully, taking care of your family emotionally and financially. Good luck to you star

SeventhWave Sat 30-Mar-19 20:11:42

"Yes, I enjoy the job, although it can be stressful at times - you wouldn't believe the number of condescending, patronising customers we get who look down their noses at us and treat us like servants because we only work in a shop"

Notcontent Sat 30-Mar-19 20:22:18

Yes, she was being a bitch. But other people would have noticed, as it sounds like they were a bunch of reasonably intelligent people...

As others have pointed out, she must have felt threatened by you. Or she is having a hard time and wanted to take it out on someone.

GreatDuckCookery Sat 30-Mar-19 20:24:30

Spiteful cow. I hope everyone else could see what she doing? The problem is her OP. Please don’t let this get to you.

ReallyReallyNo Sat 30-Mar-19 20:26:54

What a fucking twat! Obviously very threatened by you for some reason so is trying to disarm you and make you feel inadequate. If she ever does it again say “what an odd thing to say!” Make this face hmm and carry on your conversation.

HotSauceCommittee Sat 30-Mar-19 20:31:46

I think this reflects on her, not you. She might like the money and the working lifestyle, but you like your job, you’re studying too, there’s nothing wrong with that but I get the impression that you think there is.
My OH is a professor and earns three times as much as me. My job is interesting and sounds sexy to others, so no problem with friends, family and HIS colleagues, but if it comes out at work about what he does, some of my colleagues looked really surprised as if it to “a professor? With YOU?”. I actually say it out loud for them and it just amuses me now. Your life works for you and if you are happy, just ignore the knobheads and enjoy life.
I’d get some friends and some wine and tell them about what was said, so you can have a debrief, a laugh and slag her off a bit.

katseyes7 Sat 30-Mar-19 20:36:01

Ah, "one of those". l worked (briefly) in an M & S food hall. Most people were lovely, but you did get the odd one like her who treated you like a Victorian kitchen maid, looked down their nose at you, and behaved as if you should be tugging your forelock and curtseying.
lt says a lot more about her than it does about you. And other people will know that too. lgnore it.

Funkyferret Sat 30-Mar-19 20:39:50

Ugh. I think we've all met her type before in different capacities. Unfortunately, she doesn't realise that everyone like you, working in retail (bricks and mortar or online), hospitality, etc, who are not "sat at home on their fat arses" make her little world go round.

DemelzaPoldarksshinerrefiner Sat 30-Mar-19 20:52:12

If I was a fellow guest I would have called her out ( and forego any further invitations ) only once you had departed. Retail and hospitality roles are very nuanced positions so she has already displayed she’d be suitable for neither - utter arse that she is.

rwalker Sat 30-Mar-19 21:12:02

Wouldn't give it a second thought. Think people will remember her being a bitch rather than your career choice .

TheSecondMrsAshwell Sat 30-Mar-19 21:12:18

Anyone could take her place and she knows it. You, on the other hand are making your way. You and your DH will be a team to reckon with. I know you're not doing it in case your DH does a runner, but if he does, you will be able to stand on your own two feet, which is more than I'm willing to bet she can.

If you were on my dinner party list, I'd be asking you back on a non-school night.

SabineUndine Sat 30-Mar-19 21:15:05

She's a Hyacinth Bucket, I would say. Would refuse invitations in future.

Camomila Sat 30-Mar-19 21:17:43

I think its happened to everyone at some point, meeting a smug/patronising person...I met a lady at a mutual friends party and when describing her job she said 'but I wouldn't expect you to understand' (with a tinkly laugh)

We did the same degree at the same university a year or two apart so I'm not sure why she decided I couldn't understand confused

Bluntness100 Sat 30-Mar-19 21:20:47

Well she was putting you down for a reason. I'm going to go with you're either more attractive than her or as a pp said, were more popular at the event,

She was being a bitch. Don't let her get to you. When people do this, there is always a reason and it's not because you work in a shop.

Whosthebestbabainalltheworld Sat 30-Mar-19 21:29:59

She absolutely did it because she somehow felt inferior/threatened/insecure because of you, either in looks, personality, ambition or whatever.

I’d take it as a compliment OP, and you can be sure it wasn’t missed by the other reasonably intelligent people present. Laugh at her insecurity and move on.

Passmethecrisps Sat 30-Mar-19 21:35:09

She is an enormous arse who everyone else now knows is an enormous arse if they didn’t already.

Smile inwardly at the fact that she only did it because something about you got under her skin.

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