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Relationship issues

(16 Posts)
nixmcdix Sat 30-Mar-19 18:57:49

AIBU to ask my partner to leave my home when we fight because I need time to cool off and when we fight, that's what helps us discuss the issue calmly later. But recently she's told me she feels insecure in my house now because of the amount of times she's been asked to leave and feels like I'm traumatising her by doing this. It's driving me mental and I don't know if I need to change or if she's just being slightly dramatic. AIBU???

Littleduckeggblue Sat 30-Mar-19 18:58:43

Do you live together?

BadPennyNoBiscuit Sat 30-Mar-19 19:00:05

You keep asking her to leave and you think she's the one being dramatic?
Yabvu and you are not ready to live with other people. Go for therapy and sort out your anger issues.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue Sat 30-Mar-19 19:00:27

Yes, YABU. You are basically banishing her because you had a fight. You need to learn to cope without sending her away.

How on earth would you ever survive in a cohabiting or marital relationship? You wouldn’t be able to send your partner away then.

You are the one that needs to develop appropriate coping strategies.

HarrysOwl Sat 30-Mar-19 19:02:38

This doesn't sound like a healthy response, at all.

How often do you fight, and what about?

bridgetreilly Sat 30-Mar-19 19:02:41

Why aren't you the one leaving the house if you're the one who needs space to calm down?

slashlover Sat 30-Mar-19 19:05:08

But recently she's told me she feels insecure in my house now because of the amount of times she's been asked to leave and feels like I'm traumatising her by doing this.

How often is this happening? If you're asking her to leave a lot then you must be fighting a lot. What would happen if she didn't leave?

nixmcdix Sat 30-Mar-19 19:09:32

No

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Sat 30-Mar-19 19:16:38

She needs to leave you, full stop. You have anger management issues and you need to get those sorted out. Actually you are a danger to others if you are that volatile.

I bet you're a wall puncher.

LL83 Sat 30-Mar-19 19:19:40

Cooling off can be a good idea but you should say I am away out/upstairs to clear my head. Not tell her to go.

And it shouldn't happen often.

Tubeworker Sat 30-Mar-19 21:46:10

yeah that’s nuts. Saying “leave me alone” or “give me some space” would be normal. That’s just saying “I need some privacy to process my feelings” but that usually just means going to different places in the same house.

Saying “get out of the house” is basically saying “when I don’t feel good you don’t have a place here” - which means (and I’m sure she’s thinking) her security depends on your feelings- which are proven unreliable (as are most feelings).

So yes, YABU.

BarrenFieldofFucks Sat 30-Mar-19 21:49:05

Yeah, sending her away each time you get cross doesn't sound great.

Quartz2208 Sat 30-Mar-19 21:49:22

Do you live together or does she have her own place

But yes I am surprised she has not left you

CheekyChappy710 Sat 30-Mar-19 21:51:04

T to the r to the o to the l to the l

SEsofty Sat 30-Mar-19 22:16:10

Does she live with you?

Surely you be the one to leave?

PregnantSea Sun 31-Mar-19 09:16:34

I don't agree that you are danger to others if you need time to cool off before you're ready to talk. For goodness sake hmm

But I do find it very strange that you kick her out. If you want half an hour to clear you head before you talk it through then why don't you leave? Just go for a walk, come back and then talk to her. It is unfair to invite her to stay over and then keep kicking her out everytime you get annoyed. I don't think the relationship will last if you keep doing this.

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