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Friend being unreasonable.

(10 Posts)
Friendabc Sat 30-Mar-19 17:26:36

Im getting married soon. My dd asked if she could arrange my hen do and it involves a few nights away.
All good. As I understand that's not for everyone another friend had organised a separate hen do which is just for the evening to a town not too far away. I don't know all the details but do know that she's consulted my other friends and arranged it to suit everyone.
Now the issue is this.
I have 3 very good friends, I'll call them A B and C.
We all live spread out with A and C living the furthest apart and me in the middle.
We've been away together on lots of occasions and have similar tastes/interests.
B is coming to my overnight hen do.
C isn't coming and I didn't expect her to as she is breastfeeding.
A isn't coming and has given several differing reasons.
C is coming to the night time hen do.
B can't come due to being away.
I thought A would come as ,without outing myself, it is the type of thing she is usually up for plus it's no further away than I went for her 2 hen dos.
To be honest I could have done without going on her 2 hen dos but the second one was only for the 4 of us as B couldn't make the main one.
B works away for a living so has lots of commitments hence why she isn't coming to my evening hen do.
Now I went on both of A's hen dos because if not it would have meant only A and B going as C was heavily pregnant and I didn't want to let A down.

Now the 4 of us are having a get together and it's transpired that A is arranging it as my hen do!
I've told her that I already have 2 hen dos and her response was im not coming on your other hen dos!
Her dh is working and I know he has lots of money and pays for virtually everthing, she has told me. So it's not a lack of money.
He will be working the evening of the 2nd hen do.
she doesn't have any dependants.
Now she has arranged for us to go to a remote place and have cocktails and a meal. It's a 45 minute drive for friend C and too far away for either C or I to pay for a taxi.
It's also a very corporate/wedding type place and not somewhere you'd go for a cheap night/catch up type thing.
It's also very expensive.
When I asked how we would get there/home she replied that her dh would take her and bring her home!

I'm quite annoyed as
1) I don't need or want another hen do.
2)it's not very kind booking somewhere that only suits her.
Also C has messaged me to ask what's going on. She was unaware that A is not going on the hen do and was asking me why. She also says it's far too expensive for her.
I've sent a message to the group saying I'm not going. B and C have both responded saying we will meet in the middle and go to a cheap pub.
A has not responded.

Is there something im missing?
I don't w any to fall out with A but even my easy going dp thinks she's acting very odd.

Sorry for the long post.

talkingjapeneseireallythinkso Sat 30-Mar-19 17:31:48

does it have to be over several nights as that is confusing in itself and i can see why people might be alittle less than thrilled.

DanglyBangly Sat 30-Mar-19 17:32:12

I don’t think you’re unreasonable not wanting it but I hope you messaged her privately first and thanked her for the kind thought, rather than just saying you weren’t going on a group message?

Drum2018 Sat 30-Mar-19 17:38:25

Leave her to stew. She couldn't make the 2 hen do's already organised, for whatever reasons, so she thinks it's ok to go ahead and organise a 3rd one? Is she annoyed that she wasn't asked to be involved in organising the first 2? You are right to decline, as were C and B, as it's a lot of cost to put on people.

Friendabc Sat 30-Mar-19 17:54:11

I'm totally fine with people not being able to go to the overnight one, fine.
The other one is not over night and transport is arranged so it's just for one evening.

No I didn't message her privately.
For one, she didn't tell me about not coming to the overnight one, my dd did.
2 she only told me about not coming to the evening one after arranging a separate do herself!
So no I really don't feel bad about not telling her separately as she didn't bother to do the same for me.
I'm also miffed because she kept asking me to go on hers when none of our mutual friends were going but I still made the effort.

I don't think she's miffed about it organising it herself either.

Friendabc Sat 30-Mar-19 17:56:28

Just to clarify the 4 of us had arranged a catch up on this date anyway but I was thinking a few drinks in a pub not cocktails and a meal miles away in a wedding type place with nobody there but err wedding guests!

KarmaStar Sat 30-Mar-19 18:40:09

Is A sulking because she wasn't asked to arrange a hen do op?I can't think of any reason for her to be acting this way.
Don't waste too much time dwelling on it.this is your special time to enjoy your upcoming wedding.
I'd have an open chat with her face to face and try and settle things so she doesn't turn around and not attend the wedding.But if she does not cooperate and remains incommunicado then I'd let her get on with it.
Have a wonderful dayflowers

QueenEhlana Sat 30-Mar-19 19:00:37

Does A have a free meal or discount voucher for the fancy place? I know someone who would use a 25% off voucher, when out with 3 other people and expect their meal free rather than the discount be shared out.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse Sat 30-Mar-19 21:00:07

Like the Grange Hill kids... just say no

Friendabc Sun 31-Mar-19 09:47:38

Thanks for the replies.
I still haven't heard from friend A.
The voucher theory might be correct, I hadn't thought of that .

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