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AIBU to not see my mum tomorrow?

(8 Posts)
PaintingOwls Sat 30-Mar-19 16:49:19

DM was abroad for most of March and I wasn't sure when she would be back.

A couple of weeks ago I made plans to meet a friend for lunch on 31/03.

DM came back 2 days ago with almost no warning and is upset that I didn't "save" the day for her in case she was back and is saying that it's because I hate her and she's obviously a bad mother confused

dustarr73 Sat 30-Mar-19 16:52:19

Go with your plans,maybe next year h will let you know when she will be back.

BricksInTheWall Sat 30-Mar-19 16:53:37

Why can't you see her before or after your lunch? I agree she shouldn't have expected you to save the date or lay on the emotional blackmail, but if you really wanted to see her you could.

SnuggyBuggy Sat 30-Mar-19 16:53:56

Has she always been a drama queen?

Mummymummums Sat 30-Mar-19 17:00:00

Depends on your relationship with her. I was close to my DM so would have checked what she was doing for sure before making other plans. If you checked and she was non-committal then YANBU. If you didn't check at all then you're either not close in which case YANBU or if you're close I'd say you should've asked.

PaintingOwls Sat 30-Mar-19 17:10:50


Why can't you see her before or after your lunch?

Because we live 2 hours away from each other. We can't just catch up, it always has to be at least a half a day thing or else it feels like a waste with a four hour round trip which can be pretty tiring.

My brother is taking her out to lunch, so it's not like she's going to be on her own.


Well. Kind of. I am either a cruel daughter who doesn't love her or the best angel that God has sent her. There is no in-between.


I don't really think we have a normal relationship and I find it easier to get on with her with lots of time between meetings (see comments above).

I have to manage our communications very carefully because if I reach out too much then she will up the ante and before I know it she will be calling me every evening and texting all day, it's suffocating.

Conversely, if I don't call her often enough she will say things like "oh I thought you had forgotten about me, you have your own life now and don't love me you don't want to talk to an old granny* like me." when I do get round to calling her.

*she is not actually a grandma, she just refers to herself as such when she's trying to milk some sympathy

gobbynorthernbird Sat 30-Mar-19 17:18:41

She's being ridiculous. I get on really well with my mum, but she lives about an hour away and I'm only seeing her this weekend because she's coincidentally in my area anyway.

Mummymummums Sat 30-Mar-19 17:36:26

Given that info OP YANBU and as your brother is seeing her it sounds like she's a fan of emotional blackmail

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