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DD spending all her money on boyfriend

(14 Posts)
whatacrapusername2306 Sat 30-Mar-19 16:16:26

Helpful advice would be really appreciated. In a nutshell, DD 17 has a boyfriend, also 17. Both in further education, she has a part time job, he doesn’t. She doesn’t speak to me about anything to do with him, she can get very annoyed if I ask any questions. I know they have been together since just before Xmas. I have met him many times and he has always been very polite and pleasant. However, she pays for absolutely everything. Meals out, clothes, his fags, gives petrol money to his mates when they pick her up etc. When I have spoken to her she insists she doesn’t, but I have seen her bank statements which say otherwise. She will soon be taking her driving test and wants a car, but she has absolutely no money left each month. Our relationship can be a little broken sometimes, one minute she wants my advice on things, the next she hardly utters a word. Typical teenage behaviour. How do I go about telling her basically he is a bum and she could do far better? I think the relationship is more on his terms in regards to seeing each other etc. I didn’t think it would last as long as it had to be honest and I can see she is totally smitten confused

Seniorschoolmum Sat 30-Mar-19 16:21:25

I think she’ll work it out for herself when she wants a car and can’t afford a deposit or insurance.
I’d wait for the truth to dawn. It won’t take long.

Worriedwart18 Sat 30-Mar-19 16:22:30

You're going to have to leave her to it. She will soon learn in her own time that money doesn't stretch as far as she likes. The more you go on at her the further you will push her away and make her boyfriend seems irresistable. It sucks but sometimes they need to learn the hard way.

PabloTescobar Sat 30-Mar-19 16:25:46

Oh crikey. Well. She's 17 and if she's smitten then I think there may be not much you can do, especially if she's being economical with the truth when you talk to her. If you're too anti you risk pushing her further away from you and closer to him.

They say love is blind and that's never more true that when you're a teenage girl, I don't think. Probably all you can do is be ready to pick up the pieces when the wheels fall off. It's a hard lesson but one she will have to learn first hand, as did we all.

TeenTimesTwo Sat 30-Mar-19 16:30:37

I would say that if she wants a car she needs to save for it.
- to buy the car
- to tax and insure it
- to petrol in

girlwithadragontattoo Sat 30-Mar-19 16:51:13

Why are you reading her bank statements? She's basically an adult.

Petalflowers Sat 30-Mar-19 16:55:04

I don’t you can tell her that he’s a bum, and can do better. Love is blind at that age.

However, the amount of money she is giving him is concerning. Why is she funding everything. Is he subtly a controlling bf. He can seem lovely, but behind the scenes is subtly controlling her. What happens when she doesn’t pay?

StrippingTheVelvet Sat 30-Mar-19 16:56:26

She's too old for you to be keeping tabs on her bank statements. Also, how do you know she's not putting petrol on card whilst they're all giving her cash? Or that she's buying her own cigarettes? Hard as it may be, she's almost an adult so you need to step back before she pushes you away next year.

villainousbroodmare Sat 30-Mar-19 16:58:25

She'll have to learn herself, hopefully very soon. In the meantime I sincerely hope that she has foolproof contraception in place.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Sat 30-Mar-19 17:16:08

According to MN gives petrol money to his mates when they pick her up etc. she'd be a CF is she didn't do petrol money !

TBH she's probably smoking too, you just think the cigs are for him . …. and I had a boyfriend at 17 who had the fashion sense of a blind man , I too clothed him appropriately!

I'm curious thought how you know what she is spending money on - bank statements wont break down to items just amounts at the venue. Actually HOW is she buying fags ? both of them are under 18 , how is this going across her bank statement ? She either has false ID or cash is going to a third party to buy them.

Anyway, she'll learn.

StillCoughingandLaughing Sat 30-Mar-19 17:17:43

I’m afraid you lost the argument when you read her bank statements.

Lizzie48 Sat 30-Mar-19 17:34:26

She's virtually an adult so you need to back off and let her make her own mistakes. Reading her bank statements really isn't on. hmm

PillowTalker Sat 30-Mar-19 17:58:24

Let her work it out and be there for her when she does.

Its hard to watch but I expect she'll side with the BFriend at the moment.

It will dawn on her eventually

sueelleker Sat 30-Mar-19 19:01:21

Just don't give/lend her money when she's skint.

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