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Mother's Day and mil

(21 Posts)
rapsberrypepsi Sat 30-Mar-19 12:18:22

Please don't flame me!! But it's more of a wwyd-
Basically with mother's day coming up ex partner ( who at moment is still living with me, very raw/new breakup this is another thread ) hasn't mentioned buying his mum anything from dd, should i mention to him that he should? Let him get on with it? Or just go and get something from dd ( she's only 1 ) to give to her grandma? Knowing him he will get a mum card and sign it from me him and dd- he is yet to tell them we are no longer together but is putting it off!! I don't want dd name in a Mother's Day card she isn't her mum
Fwiw ex mil has interfered a hell of a lot in our relationship turns nasty when I don't give her her own way, has been quite sneaky and I blame her for some of the relationship fail, not sure if it's relevant but last Mother's Day was my first Mother's Day and she came round accepted gifts and not once mentioned anything to me ie did I have a nice first Mother's Day etc!! Just looking to see what others would do in this shit situation ?

CalmdownJanet Sat 30-Mar-19 12:20:45

Of course not, it's mother's day not grandmother's day or mother in law's day, it's totally up to him to buy his mother something

PrinceOfPies Sat 30-Mar-19 12:20:51

Leave him to it.

He can buy a present and your mil isnt stupid enough to think your one year old signed a card. If he doesn't he will learn and she will realisewho was the one making the effort before.

areyoureallysaying Sat 30-Mar-19 12:21:56

Why would you get something from your daughter to her Gran? It's Mothers day not Grandma day.
I have never sent either my mum or mother in law anything from my two boys.

rapsberrypepsi Sat 30-Mar-19 12:22:41

Thankyou for your replies!! I was also invited out for lunch with them but I said no Thankyou as I feel it's my day and I'd like to spend some time with my own mum!!
Last Mother's Day recolved around ex mil and I didn't want this one spoilt xx

rapsberrypepsi Sat 30-Mar-19 12:23:24

Should add, I get my mum something from dd, my mum and dd are extremely close!! Xx

BlueMerchant Sat 30-Mar-19 12:23:32

I wouldn't remind him to get her a card from DD. Especially not if I didn't like her.
He's going to have to start and remember these things himself (or not).

BlueMerchant Sat 30-Mar-19 12:24:54

Yes, I'd sort my own mum a grandmother card though!grin

SoyDora Sat 30-Mar-19 12:26:03

I haven’t got anything from my DD’s for my mum or MIL... they are all very close but it’s Mother’s Day. DH will arrange something from them for me, I will get something for my mum from me, and DH for him mum from him.

pigsDOfly Sat 30-Mar-19 12:27:07

No, it's entirely up to him if he wants to get his mother a card for mothers' day, she's not your mother, so not your responsibility.

As pps have said it's mothers' day not grandmothers' day so your DD really doesn't need to be included on his mother's card.

Let him get on with it.

AuntieStella Sat 30-Mar-19 12:28:52

As you get something for your DMum form your DD, then it seems only fair for her other Grammy to get something too (I think it's fine to include all generations in the maternal line)

But ir's also fine to leave it entirely to STBX to sort it out. It'll be what happens in all future years, after all because as you are splitting up you really won't have in DFpd's paternal family dynamics, and you may as well start as you have to go on (and probably more restful to leave it all up to him)

WeeDangerousSpike Sat 30-Mar-19 12:31:38

I genuinely don't understand why anyone would give a mother's day card to someone that isn't their mother?! I give my mum a mother's day card from me. That's it. DD doesn't give one to anyone but me. It's MOTHER'S day. waits for someone to tell me it's mothering sunday

The only rational exception I can think of is where someone has a genuine mother - child relationship with an aunt or gm or similar.

GreatDuckCookery Sat 30-Mar-19 12:35:24

It’s not grandmothers day is it? Why would you even consider buying her a card from DD, I don’t understand that especially as you aren’t fond of her! Sounds like your ex will sort it anyway.

KathyS901 Sat 30-Mar-19 12:40:59

If you get something for your own mum then it's rude to say that your ex can't put your daughter's name in his mother's Day card for his mum. He should be able to sign things from your daughter too, and he should be able to buy his mother something from your daughter as you have done for yours. BUT it's his responsibility, not yours. If he wants to get something for her then he can, but it's not down to you to do it or even to remind him to (I'm petty but I'd not even remind him if my MIL was horrible!)

Sausagerollers Sat 30-Mar-19 12:44:53

It's his mum, he can sort a present for her or not as the case may be.

Best thing about splitting up is that his family are now none of your concern! 😊

S1naidSucks Sat 30-Mar-19 12:46:12

I bet he’s assumed that your going to sort out the gift for his mother, OP. Was it usually lumped onto you to sort out her gifts? If you want to be kind, you could tell him to sort out his gift for her, just to make an already bad situation less shity. In the kindest possible way, don’t concern yourself with what he writes in the card. Just get on with enjoying your day and your time with your mum.

cantfindname Sat 30-Mar-19 13:04:46

Jeez.. 3 threads all complaining about Mother's Day issues and involving MiLs.

Chill out ladies. Life is far too short to worry about who signs a card etc. Get over it, it's your MiL's day as well, whatever you may think of them.

Life is far too short for all this angst and upsetting each other.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 30-Mar-19 13:05:29

I think if you normally get your mum something from your DD (well, if she's only 1, this would only be the second time but anyway...) then it's reasonable that he sorts something out for his mother from your DD too.
No reason for you to be on the card or involved in any way if you're not together any longer, though.

I don't much like it when grandparents are included on mothers' or fathers' day, UNLESS they are in loco parentis to the children or the adult child is missing for some reason, in which case it's ok.

I don't get MIL anything from our DSs - DH doesn't bother either. Mind you, he barely gets her anything himself! Boys get me something via school, which I sort out and pay for.

jelliebelly Sat 30-Mar-19 13:27:42

It's Mother's Day not grandmothers day!!

PrinceOfPies Sat 30-Mar-19 13:55:19

's Mother's Day not grandmothers day!!

Do you celebrate grandparents day? Most people don't so they do it on mothers day or fathers day. It's not a problem.

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot Sun 31-Mar-19 09:32:19

You don't stop being a mother when you become a grandmother.

I like celebrating the maternal line and would hate to see it truncated, just because person fits more than one role.

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