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Would you let your child sleep over at this persons house? [Trigger warning added by MNHQ: mentions of child abuse]

(423 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

GunpowderGelatine Sat 30-Mar-19 08:35:42

Say you have a very close family member who is knowingly married to a peadophile. He has never been arrested, charged or convicted but only because his victim has never gone to the police, but the wife is aware of the accusations and you are 100% certain they're true.

Say your DD (6) has purposefully never met this man for this reason, but the wife visits from time to time but she has never looked after your DD alone.

If the wife - who again is very closely related to you - of the accused paedophile asked if she could have your DD overnight where she's staying nearby, what would you say? You don't suspect this woman of abuse yourself and and she is staying at another family members nearby, which is where the sleepover would happen? And, wether your answer is yes or no, what is the reason?

I ask because I am in this situation and without giving details (though I've posted before about this man) I need to know if I'm making the right decision in what I've decided about the sleepover

Mememeplease Sat 30-Mar-19 08:43:16

No. She's already proved she's willing to overlook serious things. So she'd certainly overlook less serious, but nonetheless worrying things too.

SharkSave Sat 30-Mar-19 08:43:22

Nope nope nope

Holidayshopping Sat 30-Mar-19 08:43:35

You say that you believe the accusations are 100% true, but does the wife? Does she think they are lies? Or does she accept he is a paedophile but she is staying with him anyway?

No, I wouldn’t be letting my child go round but I presume you have already talked about this and you have made your feelings very clear?

alrightdoll Sat 30-Mar-19 08:43:58

Absolutely fucking not and she would have been cut off from my children well before now for marrying him knowing what he is. She is also disgusting. No no no no no.

Mylittlepony374 Sat 30-Mar-19 08:44:03

Not a chance. Never.

ElizabethMainwaring Sat 30-Mar-19 08:44:20

No. I remember your previous post about this I think. Was it about six months ago? Anyway, it was a unanimous no vote then too. I can pretty much guarantee that it will be a litany of no's here.

Nowordsleft Sat 30-Mar-19 08:45:05

Why is she asking to have your child overnight? It’s no anyway.

GucciDay Sat 30-Mar-19 08:45:11

It's worrying you even have to ask tbh.

lunar1 Sat 30-Mar-19 08:45:13

No chance, her moral compass is way off what's ok, there is no way on earth I would trust her judgment regarding my children. Even if she left him I still wouldn't allow it. Something is not quite right about a person who can overlook this.

SoyDora Sat 30-Mar-19 08:45:34

No. She’s proved herself to have bad judgement and morals.

TeddyIsaHe Sat 30-Mar-19 08:46:29

Why would you even consider this? Seriously?

Dramatical Sat 30-Mar-19 08:46:30

Fucking hell, absolutely no way.

I do hope you are not the wife in the situation

SlipperyLizard Sat 30-Mar-19 08:46:38

Nope, never, not in a million years.

FrozenMargarita17 Sat 30-Mar-19 08:46:41

Sorry I got to 'paedophile' and had my answer already. Definitely not.

BlueJava Sat 30-Mar-19 08:47:29

Obvioulsy I wouldn't let my child go. It's not even about being reasonable or unreasonable - it's common sense.

SlipperyLizard Sat 30-Mar-19 08:48:11

The reason being that if she’s knowingly married a paedophile I could not trust her judgement to keep my child safe from anything.

GenuineKlatchianPottery Sat 30-Mar-19 08:48:30

Hell no!
And I’d be steering well clear of anyone who is knowingly associated with a peadophile.

Disfordarkchocolate Sat 30-Mar-19 08:49:03

No. And they would be told not to ask again or contact would be reduced. They need to have it made clear to them that being with a known paedophile negatively impacts on their relationship with children.

GwenCooper81 Sat 30-Mar-19 08:49:05

Nope. Her moral compass is skewed if she's stopping with a paedophile. Very poor boundaries. No no no.

Didntwanttochangemyname Sat 30-Mar-19 08:49:15

Fuck No.

kaldefotter Sat 30-Mar-19 08:49:28

Never, ever, ever. You must protect your DD, and not allow this to become an "in". Don't let your guard drop with your relative. You can't trust her. And you don't need to justify your decision to her either.

formerbabe Sat 30-Mar-19 08:49:37


YourSarcasmIsDripping Sat 30-Mar-19 08:49:49

I assume the OP already said no, but there's pressure being put on/made feel guilty as in this instance it would be at someone else's house, she wouldn't be solely in charge and she's not the one accused.

Despite all that, it would still be a hell no from me because her priorities and judgement are fucked.

DelilahTheSlagFromTheBible Sat 30-Mar-19 08:50:35

Absolutely not.

EleanorOalike Sat 30-Mar-19 08:51:30

Unfortunately, I’ve got some paedophile apologists in my life at the moment. They disgust me, as does this woman.

If she is ok with being in a relationship with a known paedophile then imo she’s also not a safe person to have around a child and my answer would be a firm no.

She’s neither the child’s mother nor father. She doesn’t need overnight access to your little girl. The fact she’s trying to get it concerns me.

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