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AIBU?

So upset about scar on DS

126 replies

fblue · 29/03/2019 21:34

My 2 yo fell on a sharp metal scooter (which my DH had left lying around) and hit his eyebrow. It could have been his eye, we were lucky, and I thought that it was just a scrape and it would heal fine.

For three weeks we have been caring for the wound with Vit E, coconut oil, plasters, and I even bought some special mittens so he would stop picking on the scab before naps and bedtime.
The whole time I was hopeful that because it looked like just a scrape, most of the hairs on the eyebrow would have not been affected and the scar wouldn't be visible.

Today, however, when it is at last almost healed, I could take a closer look and touch the scar, and to my horror I have realised that the skin had actually been cut and folded partially into the wound, so the scar is much worse than I thought, there is a lump under the skin and the hairs won't be growing because the outer layer of the skin is not there anymore!

I feel so guilty that we didn't take him to A&E when it happened, because they would have been able to unfold the skin and stretch it over the wound, and the scar would be much smaller.

I am struggling now, not only with the fact that he will now have a very visible and uneven scar in his eyebrow, but that I did not do enough to prevent it.

I realise that this is not a serious problem, the scar is not even very big, and that he may not care at all as he grows up, but I feel very guilty and sad about it. I am also angry with DH for living the scooter lying around when in the past I warned him not to do it. Any advice on how to move on?

OP posts:

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Bookworm4 · 29/03/2019 21:37

The wound needed cared for for 3 weeks and no point you thought to pop to GP? How big is it?

Tavannach · 29/03/2019 21:37

Take him to your GP and see what they advise.

ShinyMe · 29/03/2019 21:38

I've got a scar in the middle of my forehead from when I fell flat on my face as a small child. I was too scared to let the doctors stitch me up, and had a massive tantrum so just had a plaster, which left me with a scar. I like it now, it's part of my face.

He'll be able to use it to swap stories when he's older anyway.

Dermymc · 29/03/2019 21:39

Realistically nothing you can do about it now. Forgive, forget and move on. It was an accident. He has a cool story for when he is older!

Drogosnextwife · 29/03/2019 21:40

I wouldn't worry, I've got one on my eyebrow from falling on the fireplace when I was 2, hasn't bothered me. Also got a very noticeable one on my top lip from falling when I was 16! That doesn't bother me either.
DP has scars all over him from fighting with his brother when he was younger, they don't fuss him at all.
Accidents happen and you need to cut DH some slack.

fblue · 29/03/2019 21:41

The wound is about 1cm long at most, and he kept picking at the scab but it didn't really "need care" for 3 weeks, we have just been putting Vit E, coconut oil, etc to minimise scarring.

Like I said, it was not a big wound but I think it has scarred much worse than it needed to.

In any case, I have posted this here to get some advice on how to move on, not to have people criticise me and try to make me feel worse! Please be kind.

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 29/03/2019 21:41

Over time it will become a quirk of his face.

It will also fade as he grows.

I felt awful when dd1 got a scar on her forehead as a baby, now it is just part of her.

It wasn't deliberate. Most people have a small scar somewhere.

Lifecraft · 29/03/2019 21:41

Girls love a scar. He'll be fighting them off when he's a teenager.

justforthisnow · 29/03/2019 21:42

Any reason you didnt bring him to GP when initial injury happened? If worried about facial scarring, the earlier seen the better, so can refer to plastics if necessary. Same happened mine, A&E, paper stitches, then plastics 12 hours later with hidden suturing. Offered laser if still an issue when older.

Mammajay · 29/03/2019 21:43

Fblue you did what you thought was right so don't feel guilty. My daughter got bitten on the face by the baby minder's dog and I felt guilty for years, but it serves no purpose. As a loving parent you did your best.

fblue · 29/03/2019 21:43

justforthisnow, I misjudge the severity of the wound, I am kicking myself about it now. I thought it was just a shallow scrape.

OP posts:

GarthFunkel · 29/03/2019 21:44

DD had a massive scar on her cheek from some child gouging a chunk out of it when she was 2. I was sooo pissed off this child had destroyed my babies face but it faded and was gone by the time she was 8. There's time yet.

ElektraLOL · 29/03/2019 21:45

If you're worried about scarring, try some Bio oil when it starts to heal. I can understand how you feel - I child at school accidentally clawed my daughters face because she was messing around and joking but it's caused a scar and I am cross about it.

Butterflycookie · 29/03/2019 21:45

1cm scar is nothing really. I know many people that have scars on their face from when they were younger. There are worse things to be worried about

Alsohuman · 29/03/2019 21:46

I'm quite fond of the scar that runs through my eyebrow. It's been there since I was three and I can't remember not having it.

TheInvestigator · 29/03/2019 21:46

Holly Marie combs (actress) has a scar through her eyebrow from falling as a child. It hasn't done her any harm!

Graphista · 29/03/2019 21:46

Scars are part of life.

I've a few plus birth marks inc on my face, my sister has scars from chicken pox among other things and my brothers covered (adrenaline junkie who's been in a fair few scrapes). None of us have found them a problem.

Holly Marie combs And Balthazar Getty both have scars similar to your sons, hasn't done them any harm at all.

justforthisnow · 29/03/2019 21:47

No need to chastise yourself now.
If I were you, I'd consider a plastics referral, even at this stage, and take it from there. Happens us all.
A wound that needs minding for 3 weeks though is not normal, so if it happens again consider a GP visit.

nutsfornutella · 29/03/2019 21:48

My teen dd did something similar at age 3. She calls it her Harry Potter scar (it's not lightning bolt shaped.) I wondered if it would bother her as she grew up but she's noticed that everybody has imperfections like blemishes, freckles and scars and realizes that while noticeable, it's not a big deal.

Coincidentally her Dad has a scar on his eyebrow and to amuse the kids he'd make up stories about wrestling with bears or encountering the Gruffalo in the woods etc He's equally not bothered by it.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 29/03/2019 21:48

I cannot recommend bio oil for scars enough.
However, by the he is even midway through childhood I doubt there’ll be anything to see.

JassyRadlett · 29/03/2019 21:49

My youngest had surgery on his face when he was 18 months. We were advised to do scar massage twice a day with cream to smooth it out as it healed and prevent it hardening and being raised long-term.

Massive pain in the neck at the time but totally worth it. His scar is now nearly invisible.

Graphista · 29/03/2019 21:49

X post theinvestigator

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KurriKurri · 29/03/2019 21:49

It will fade as he grows - my DD fell when she was 5 and split her chin open right across the bottom of her face, - it's virtually invisible now she is grown up and it was a very red looking scar for a good while afterwards. His face is smaller than it will be too - so the scar will stay the same but his face will grow - so it won;t show so much.

I would give the surgery a ring - let them take a look, just to check it's not infected in any way, or he hasn't got a bit of grit or anything in it, and ask their advice about moisturizing etc to help it fade.
Honestly very few children get through childhood without the odd scar, especially if they are active kids. They love showing them off and comparing them when they get older.
A scar never held Harrison Ford back ! - your little boy will be fine - three weeks is very early days - it will still look very visible at the moment, but it will fade.

daffodiltalk · 29/03/2019 21:50

In any case, I have posted this here to get some advice on how to move on, not to have people criticise me and try to make me feel worse! Please be kind.

In the kindest way possible, your DH deserves to be spared the criticism now too.

I wonder if anything could be done to help? Perhaps pop him to the gp?
If nothing can be done then please allow yourselves to move on, it was an accident

Dramatical · 29/03/2019 21:50

Quite bizarre that you put all those products on an open wound to prevent scarring but didn't give a second thought to potential infection

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