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Helping your married dd

(407 Posts)
MrsCasares Fri 29-Mar-19 19:24:33

Just canvassing opinions as don’t want to be an interfering mum.

Dd and her dh both work full time. Dd gets into work about 7.30am and doesn’t finish until after 7pm. Same goes for her dh.

They have no kids yet.

Aibu to offer to come in on a Friday and clean their house (for free) so they have the weekend to relax.

I am retired so have plenty of me time.

TatianaLarina Mon 01-Apr-19 17:33:08

Must be Buckingham Palace then because my parents’ care Home was the best in the county and it was half that.

There isn’t a best in the country - there are Care Home awards top 20 for large medium and small care homes providers, there’s the Which list. In the SE 50 grand a week doesn’t even you through the door of a decent care home.

Hazlenutpie Mon 01-Apr-19 17:31:05

FFS, people who go to work don’t make that much mess in the first place. Do they really need mummy to come in and clean up after them? For the love of god, these are perfectly healthy adults we’re talking about! What is wrong with you people?

GreatDuckCookery Mon 01-Apr-19 17:29:34

I’d expect her DH to step up

And what if she didn’t have a DH? Would you still sit back and see her struggling holding down a full time job with young dc?

GreatDuckCookery Mon 01-Apr-19 17:27:43

It affects the children - they see that unpaid domestic drudge is what women do, and earning and palming off cooking and ironing onto women is what men do

Nope. They might see their granny helping their mum and dad out and caring for them while they’re at work.

Strange outlook you have there I have to say.

Hazlenutpie Mon 01-Apr-19 17:24:30

Would you see your adult DD struggling then

I’d expect her DH to step up first but honestly unless one of them is seriously ill or something, I’d be astonished if my DD struggled with the basics of looking after herself.

My children were taught from an early age to clean and tidy up after themselves. They can all cook and they know how to load the washing machine. As parents, it’s part of our job to teach them independence.

GreatDuckCookery Mon 01-Apr-19 17:24:25

That’s fine if you’re so well off you can afford them on your current finances, or you don’t mind ending up in a dump

Fret not. That isn’t going to happen.

TatianaLarina Mon 01-Apr-19 17:23:26

How does that affect anyone else?

It affects the children - they see that unpaid domestic drudge is what women do, and earning and palming off cooking and ironing onto women is what men do.

Alsohuman Mon 01-Apr-19 17:21:57

Must be Buckingham Palace then because my parents’ care Home was the best in the county and it was half that. I’m off to Switzerland when the time comes, that’s £8k including cremation.

pigsDOfly Mon 01-Apr-19 17:19:34

I think this thread has gone completely off on a tangent.

The original question was about doing housework for two healthy adults with no children who it appears are unable to cope doing their own housework because they get tired.

Now everyone's posting about women helping out single mothers with children who are working full time, disabled family and so on and so on.

There's a massive difference between someone's mother helping out with childcare and all that that entails when people have no other support, and the OP cleaning the home of a young couple who have no other responsibilities than themselves and the bit of cleaning that a home needs when it's empty most of the time.

TatianaLarina Mon 01-Apr-19 17:19:29

She could be out earning money for her care home fees! It’ll be a cold day in hell before I’d do that.

That’s fine if you’re so well off you can afford them on your current finances, or you don’t mind ending up in a dump.

I’ve just put my elderly aunt into the most amazing care home - but it’s over a 100 grand a year.

Alsohuman Mon 01-Apr-19 17:18:53

She could. But she doesn’t want to. How does that affect anyone else?

TatianaLarina Mon 01-Apr-19 17:14:48

I strongly suspect that your and my idea of well off is not the same, however it’s irrelevant - she could doing paid, rewarding work rather than skivvying for a man who apparently can’t be arsed to skivvy for himself.

GreatDuckCookery Mon 01-Apr-19 17:08:22

Erm she doesn’t need to earn money! She’s actually very well off!

Alsohuman Mon 01-Apr-19 17:07:21

Jesus, is this what it’s come to? She could be out earning money for her care home fees! It’ll be a cold day in hell before I’d do that. I see OP hasn’t been back other than to report her walk by the Med - doesn’t sound very down trodden by drudgery to me.

GreatDuckCookery Mon 01-Apr-19 17:05:32

His MIL wouldn’t expect her DD to pay for someone to do what she’s doing is she what His MIL wouldn’t have it any other way. is referring to.

TatianaLarina Mon 01-Apr-19 17:01:59

^ His MIL wouldn’t have it any other way.^

Wtf has it got to do with her? She’s not married to him.

ILoveBray Mon 01-Apr-19 17:01:12

No way. I know you're trying to be nice, but I think it's a terrible idea.

Also, 2 grown adults (without any children) should be able to keep their own home clean, even if they both have full time jobs.

It's part of being a grown up, and I think that doing things like this for your adult children is almost a disservice to them. It doesn't encourage them to stand on their own two feet really, and what you often end up is them having a sense of entitlement because of it.

TatianaLarina Mon 01-Apr-19 17:00:54

So she's looking after his children until well into the evening not to mention cooking and ironing. Blimey, what a total mug. I'd suggest he dips into his pocket and pays for some domestic help if he can't cope...diddums

Basically this MIL is working long hours for the family, while this man advances her career. She could be could be earning good money, adding to her pension and her care fees in later life. You can bet he’s not going to fork out for her after she’s spent years working for him for free.

I’d expect a working mother who got home at 8 with her kids to have batch cooked food she could heat up ASAP. I’ve no idea why a man couldn’t do that.

GreatDuckCookery Mon 01-Apr-19 16:56:08

This is only when his wife is working away. His MIL wouldn’t have it any other way.

GreatDuckCookery Mon 01-Apr-19 16:54:37

I don’t know any adults who struggle to keep their house clean. Or walk their dogs. Or make casseroles. My family is very close - that’s no justification whatsoever

It’s not necessarily about them struggling though, the woman I know who walks her DDs dogs does it so she doesn’t have to when she gets home as she’s busy with small children. She doesn’t have her own dog now as it died last year so she enjoys getting out and seeing her old dog walking friends and goes for a coffee along the canal with them. Win win for everyone.

formerbabe Mon 01-Apr-19 16:49:04

Sometimes he’s not back till 8pm after picking the dcs from MILs

So she's looking after his children until well into the evening not to mention cooking and ironing. Blimey, what a total mug. I'd suggest he dips into his pocket and pays for some domestic help if he can't cope...diddums

GreatDuckCookery Mon 01-Apr-19 16:42:33

How totally pathetic

Not so. If his wife is working away and he’s back late why would he not let his MIL make their evening meal? Sometimes he’s not back till 8pm after picking the dcs from MILs, would you really expect small children to have to wait while their dad sorts dinner?

What’s it to you anyway? Why does it piss you off so much?

MillyMollyMandie Mon 01-Apr-19 16:05:31

Generally people who have new babies/many children to take care of/illness/depression

And all the rest.

formerbabe Mon 01-Apr-19 16:03:25

Yet there are plenty of threads here suggesting plenty of people do

Generally people who have new babies/many children to take care of/illness/depression

MillyMollyMandie Mon 01-Apr-19 16:00:56

I don’t know any adults who struggle to keep their house clean. Or walk their dogs. Or make casseroles.

Yet there are plenty of threads here suggesting plenty of people do.

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