Helping your married dd(407 Posts)
Just canvassing opinions as don’t want to be an interfering mum.
Dd and her dh both work full time. Dd gets into work about 7.30am and doesn’t finish until after 7pm. Same goes for her dh.
They have no kids yet.
Aibu to offer to come in on a Friday and clean their house (for free) so they have the weekend to relax.
I am retired so have plenty of me time.
god yes. If you're worried about it being awkward (some people may not like you doing their washing / bedroom - not me!) then you could offer to do their ironing.. I'd be in heaven if this was me.
Really your DM works full time AND cleans your house ? Don’t you feel embarrassed? I would be ashamed to accept my mother’s help in such a way, not that she would even want to do my cleaning.
I think it is quite shocking that so many working adults, without children, would be prepared to accept their mother’s help (not including the occasional bit of childcare for families where there are children, which is different)
Crikey this has gone off course.
I don't intend to stop parenting dc when they're grown up. If you have time & actually want to & dc appreciated that, then it's a wonderful thing to do. It would be much different if they asked you to do it.
I think as long as everyone is willing to speak their truth with sensitivity to others, this should be a beautiful thing. No one needs to add up what is due to anyone & you should feel free to say when it no longer suits you.
My parents are great for childcare & like to help where they can. I appreciate it. I don't think childless couples should lose parents time if they want to spend it doing something that helps their dc.
I don't intend to stop parenting dc when they're grown up
They won't thank you for it. Your relationship with your adult children changes and it becomes more of a friendship on equal terms.
buckeejit you don't stop being a parent but you certainly should stop parenting at some point before your children reach their late 20s at least poor buggers...
OMG I had an ex with a mother like that. Four sons she fussed round them sent them for naps (youngest 32) fed and skivvied. We came back from clubbing when staying at their house for the weekend and there was a cold buffet laid out for our return. They would all go to the pub while she made Sunday lunch. It was slightly horrifying
My exMIL was over fond of parenting her adult children.
Two of them never felt able to leave home at all because she hung on to them so tightly.
Watching an elderly woman removing the bones from the fish on the dinner plate of her 50 something, highly intelligent able bodied son before he was given it to eat is really rather chilling.
Being a good parent and having a close, loving relationship with your adult children is wonderful, I know from my own experience, but 'parenting' as such, should stop at some point when children become adults and, as pp says, the relationship changes to more of one of friendship and equality.
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