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Helping your married dd

(407 Posts)
MrsCasares Fri 29-Mar-19 19:24:33

Just canvassing opinions as don’t want to be an interfering mum.

Dd and her dh both work full time. Dd gets into work about 7.30am and doesn’t finish until after 7pm. Same goes for her dh.

They have no kids yet.

Aibu to offer to come in on a Friday and clean their house (for free) so they have the weekend to relax.

I am retired so have plenty of me time.

Merryoldgoat Fri 29-Mar-19 19:36:40

I need a mum! You can clean my house!

I think it’s a lovely offer but if they feel uncomfortable don’t push it.

Cannyhandleit Fri 29-Mar-19 19:36:29

If they say no can you come to my house instead??

NoParticularPattern Fri 29-Mar-19 19:36:07

I think it depends on how your daughter would view it. You might just think that you’re offering to give yourself something to do etc etc but wouldnyour daughter be likely to see it as you thinking that her house is a tip? I mean I’d be delighted if my mum offers to clean our house, but some people would think it was that the person offering was trying to get a sky dig in

Ploppymoodypants Fri 29-Mar-19 19:35:06

Hmmmm, OP you sound lovely and it’s undpubta a kind and generous gesture.

However my MIL used to try and let herself in and do this, and it really upset me as she moved things about about generally made me feel like I was coming home to things being all different. MIL is really lovely by the way and wasn’t in anyway trying to interfere or be too involved. I can’t really explain but it just made me feel like my home wasn’t my sanctuary any more.

So maybe have a chat with her and offer. Make it clear you aren’t implying that the house is dirty or her standards are not up to scratch. Just that you are a lovely mum and want to help.

You do sound lovely BTW 😊

Letthemysterybe Fri 29-Mar-19 19:34:16

Lovely to offer. Personally I’d rather pay for a cleaner but I’m funny about my privacy. Though to be honest, in the days before children, when I worked long hours, my house didn’t get that messy and didn’t take long to clean! Maybe you could offer to help and give some different options, like clean/iron/do clothes washing/cook a lasagne/wait in for a food delivery. I definitely would have said yes if my mother or MIL had offered to do a load of ironing each week!

AnnieMay100 Fri 29-Mar-19 19:33:52

Some people would say yes to avoiding seeming rude or ungrateful, but only you know your daughter and if she’d appreciate it. Perhaps offer to clean when you go and visit them ‘so they can sit down and have a break’ then offer to make it regular. It’s a lovely thoughtful offer.

Lyricallie Fri 29-Mar-19 19:33:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CupoTeap Fri 29-Mar-19 19:33:33

Ah I would love it but don't push it or get offended if they say no

purpleme12 Fri 29-Mar-19 19:33:12

Well if it was me I'd take it as a criticism that my house was messy. But don't know if that's just to me or my mum or what...

cestlavielife Fri 29-Mar-19 19:33:11

Why would you when you could be doing something fun for you?
Tell your ddto pay a cleaner

SparklyLeprechaun Fri 29-Mar-19 19:33:02

Sorry, but I would hate that. Really interfering. Firstly, I would take it as a criticism of our home cleanliness, secondly I'm an adult and can manage my own home.

JazzyBBG Fri 29-Mar-19 19:32:49

The one time my mum did this for me I was so grateful and so relaxed I got pregnant that weekend 😂

Disfordarkchocolate Fri 29-Mar-19 19:32:45

It that situation i would have said yes, but perhaps on a Thursday night and asked you to stay for tea.

Whatever you suggest just be clear with what's she's comfortable for you to do, for example, she may not want you to change her sheets or wash her underwear.

Theworldisfullofgs Fri 29-Mar-19 19:32:37

Please would you adopt me? Both me and DH are parent less - adult orphans. We have kids and pets though...

Definitely offer....just dont go through their stuff. I'm sure you wouldn't.

MrsCasares Fri 29-Mar-19 19:32:24

They have talked about getting a cleaner. Just thought I would save them some money (and I also love cleaning). Sad, I know.

AJPTaylor Fri 29-Mar-19 19:32:10

Ask her. Say you'd like to go a quick go round the kitchen and vaccum/dust the lounge but understand if they don't want it.

boredboredboredboredbored Fri 29-Mar-19 19:31:57

Hell yes I'd bite your hand off!

Alsohuman Fri 29-Mar-19 19:31:51

Another one in the queue to snap your hand off if she says no. What a kind offer.

PurpleDaisies Fri 29-Mar-19 19:31:49

I’d hate my mum/mil cleaning my house but it’s a lovely thought. Could you pay for a cleaner instead?

RedSkyLastNight Fri 29-Mar-19 19:30:54

Depends on your relationship. I wouldn't be happy with my mother doing this.

JustHereForThePooStories Fri 29-Mar-19 19:30:37

If I was your daughter, I’d love this. If I was your son-in-law, I’d hate this.

HeathRobinson Fri 29-Mar-19 19:30:22

I would have said no. Nice thought, but too intrusive for me.

Misty999 Fri 29-Mar-19 19:30:09

Yes of course I would love that.

Ragwort Fri 29-Mar-19 19:30:08

No I wouldn’t, obviously it depends on your relationship with your DD &, more importantly, your DSIL. It sounds a bit patronising to me & wanting to be over involved in your DD’s life.

Surely now you are retired it is the time to start doing things for yourself, finding new hobbies & interests, not doing other people’s cleaning hmm. I am probably around your age, not retired yet sadly, but no way would I be spending my time cleaning for my adult DS.

RedPanda2 Fri 29-Mar-19 19:29:58

My MIL used to do this and i hated it. It's a nice thought but also a massive invasion

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