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To think my boss was minimising my situation with this comment

(31 Posts)
HelloImStressed Fri 29-Mar-19 17:58:07

Recently miscarried and have been signed off by the doctor for 3 weeks (I'm on week one now). I told work I would take two weeks to get my head straight.

They asked for my sick note for their records which I sent over.

My boss questioned the fact it was for three weeks not two and I answered to say that the doctor had signed me off for three but I was just taking two.

She replied 'Yes, I was going to say three would be a bit much!'

For full disclosure and to not drip feed, this is the third time I have been off work for miscarriage.

About 8 months ago I was off for 3 days, then 6 months ago I was off for a week, and now I'm off for two.

I have worked at this company for most of my adult life and have only ever had a handful of sick days in that time so I'm not a regular piss taker.

I just felt the comment was a bit shit. I'm heartbroken and she knows this as we speak quite friendly and discuss personal things quite often.

Am I being too sensitive? I know I wasn't going to take the third week anyway but it made me feel as though they think I'm just on a jolly and taking the piss with it when in actual fact I'd give anything to not have been through this and be in work!

AnnaFang Fri 29-Mar-19 19:29:24

Sorry for your losses OP. You don't need to see the doctor again to be signed as fit for work any more, you can go back any time in the three weeks that you feel ready. Or you can take the three weeks, as that's how long your doctor thinks you need.
Also, when you do go back, they shouldn't be doing any absence management process, as it's pregnancy related absence.

Whatsername7 Fri 29-Mar-19 19:29:29

That is horrific. Utterly wrong. Im willing to bet she has never gone through miscarriage to be so cruel. I took 9 days off when I lost my baby at 13 weeks in 2016. It was a mmc so for part of that time I was bleeding and hadnt mc yet, although I didnt realise that at the time. My work sent me flowers and the only comment made on my return was 'good to have you back, let me know if you need anything.' Im angry for you. Have you got any support around you? I found the 'Saying Goodbye' Facebook page

FlutterShite Fri 29-Mar-19 19:41:34

Yes, it was a shit comment, and it would have hurt me too, OP. It's not her place to comment on how long you might need away from work after just one MC, let alone a third consecutive one. Many women would be absolutely floored by the experience. I'm very sorry you've lost these three pregnancies. I hope your luck changes for the better soon.

Rememberallball Fri 29-Mar-19 20:16:33

@gotosleeplittlebear, I’m glad I was wrong and that things have changed now. I know colleagues who were prevented from returning to work (healthcare) because their med cert hadn’t run out!!

AmIRightOrAMeringue Fri 29-Mar-19 20:33:19


I'm sorry you are going through this

There are no insurance implications to going back to work earlier than your doctors note. For you anyway - for them, they would have less of a defence if you wanted to sue them for work related stress, if you were coming back because they were putting pressure on you.

If she is otherwise OK I'd try and file it under foot in mouth and unthinking rather than anything else but I would keep a record in case of similar incidents in the future.

Not related to the issue but have you had any help or investigations about the miscarriages?

AmIRightOrAMeringue Fri 29-Mar-19 20:35:39

Also remember even if she is nasty and judgey, firstly she legally can't use this against you and secondly this is so common that there will be many people who are sympathetic and understanding so it won't be a case of 'work think this' just some people at work with no empathy

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