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To think looks don’t equal relationship?

(14 Posts)
WonderingO Fri 29-Mar-19 16:18:43

Ive just come from an extended family lunch/birthday celebration.

I’m a single mum and have been for a couple of years, dating hasn’t been on my radar for a variety of reasons-work, study and the stress of buying a house alone etc.

A relation of mine is also a single mum but has been rarely single, recently moved her two children across the country moved schools and gave up council house to move in with a new DP. This relationship has now broken up and she was telling us about a few dates she has had.

What really shocked me was the chorus of “oh you’ll be snapped up soon because you’re so gorgeous!” “You’re stunning you’ll meet someone soon!” “You won’t be single for long” etc.

I couldn’t help but be a bit confused at the attitude that looks=relationship.

I had never thought anyone thought this way, I know some absolutely beautiful women who have struggled to find decent men. I know some beautiful women who are not bothered about meeting anyone and I know less conventionally attractive people who are either always in loving relationships or married years.

I probably am BU and overthinking it was just very strange!

megrichardson Fri 29-Mar-19 16:21:50

You were in the same room when they were saying this to her? Did they include you in their comments? Otherwise, even if you thought it was all rubbish, it was rather tactless to say this to one single parent while ignoring the other single parent in the room.

nauseous5000 Fri 29-Mar-19 16:21:51

Hmm, I wonder if there's something in beautiful people usually having higher self esteem, which means they know what they're looking for and attract the right kind of men, therefore having better long term relationships? Or am I overthinking it too?

WonderingO Fri 29-Mar-19 16:23:11

You were in the same room when they were saying this to her?

I was so it was kind of awkward 😅

WonderingO Fri 29-Mar-19 16:25:41

I can see that point totally @nauseous5000 I think maybe it’s the fact that the woman in question has a disastrous history with men and making and rash decisions and always ending up with really bad guys. So I think I found it odd that it wasn’t being acknowledged that she’s a whole person on her own.

megrichardson Fri 29-Mar-19 16:26:24

Well now I'm annoyed on your behalf @WonderingO . Even though you're obviously someone who doesn't define themselves by a relationship, it was bloody rude of them to just ignore you. In not including you, they were implying by default that you are less attractive and therefore can't expect to meet anyone - bloody cheek!

mimibunz Fri 29-Mar-19 16:30:05

I don’t think beautiful people usually have higher self esteem as the PP suggested. They tend to be very insecure because there are always people more beautiful and their perceived flaws seem bigger. And then they age.

Thingsdogetbetter Fri 29-Mar-19 16:32:03

Maybe they couldn't actually think of anything nice to say about her personality?

Bigonesmallone3 Fri 29-Mar-19 16:43:44

All she has going for her is looks maybe 🤷‍♀️

Obviously attractive people attracted people, doesn't mean they will find a meaningful relationship

SexNotJenga Fri 29-Mar-19 16:50:31

I'd assume they were just trying to be nice to your relation, who is probably feeling fairly shitty right now. But then people have all sorts of weird ideas, so maybe they really do believe it 🤷🏼‍♀️

EmeraldShamrock Fri 29-Mar-19 16:56:03

Unfortunately it can, on the opposite end of the spectrum too, if you are very unattractive it might be a issue for shallow men.
It sounds like they were trying to make her feel better.
She probably values herself on having a relationship if she gave up everything for her last DP.
I am in a relationship but spent many years single, some people like their own company and enjoy being single, other's love a relationship.

sweeneytoddsrazor Fri 29-Mar-19 17:00:28

Very probably trying to make her feel better. She sounds as though she needs a man in her life to feel worthwhile.

Kisskiss Fri 29-Mar-19 17:15:23

They sound like they meant well.. were trying to be nice /say something encouraging and was the first thing that popped into their heads. I’m guessing she is attractive so therefore it’s the thing that was said. My friend is attractive n single and pple keep saying something similar, ( in a well meaning way) but it really gets her goat now Cos it’s been the same sort of poor you don’t worry you’re good looking spiel and hearing it repeatedly gets dull quickly!!

Jakesmumandbump Fri 29-Mar-19 17:30:08

Although you’re in a similar position relationship-wise, she’s a lot less happy with her lot in life and they said those things out of politeness. I wouldn’t read any further into it other than to feel pleased that your life is more stable. To talk about her love life in that much detail suggests she equates being in a relationship with being happy/complete. A content person would skirt over the subject.

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