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To move back to my shitty home town and hope it'll be OK?

(35 Posts)
Babysharkdododont Fri 29-Mar-19 16:42:25

Thanks for all of your opinions, it's certainly food for thought.
Fizzy I see your point about town C, but the major factor for moving is having childcare on the doorstep, so town C would be the worst of all options IYSWIM.
Maybe the best option would be to rent in hometown for 6 months and see how awful or bearable it really is.
I'm a nurse so not too worried about work opportunities, there seems to be a recruitment crisis so I'll no doubt get a decent job wherever I am thankfully.

SummerHouse Fri 29-Mar-19 16:34:51

Could you stay with your mum for a month while you make up your mind?

QueenOfCatan Fri 29-Mar-19 16:33:59

We'll be downsizing to a flat to get out as well, but happy to pay the "out of x-Town tax" as dh calls it! You really need to consider everything before moving back and look at whether you will be happy realistically, we went back with Rose tinted glasses on thinking it was only awful in our youth, we were very wrong!

QueenOfCatan Fri 29-Mar-19 16:32:11

Having done it 2.5 years ago with dh when I was pregnant with DD1, I would say don't if you can avoid it. We regret it so much, both of us became very depressed and we are very very thankful that we'll be in a position to move away in the next year at most.

FizzyGreenWater Fri 29-Mar-19 16:28:57

Argh. Not sure. Be careful, once you're there and you've bought a house you're stuck.

It's weird going back. If you left because you feel it's somewhere that doesn't reflect you, isn't where you want to be, then think carefully. It's so different to moving to a new shitty place grin - it could be a real mistake.

50% of a house... is there no middle ground? Is there no Town C, in which you might only be able to put down 25% of a house because it's a bit more expensive than your hometown, but there's more opportunity, a more diverse community and you know you'd be happier?

Don't dismiss your own needs. You NEED to feel happy and positive, you're going to have a lot on your plate and you want to look forward to a life you can find enjoyment and fun in, not feel you've gone backwards. New pastures, not feelingtrapped!

There are other considerations - job opportunities, resale values of house if your circumstances change. A smaller house in a better area is ALWAYS what folk say you should go for.

Dragongirl10 Fri 29-Mar-19 16:24:34

I would go, you can then focus on getting your own career plans up and running , whilst having really great childcare from your DM.
Also it would be far less stress for your Dcs having their GM looking after them especially after such a difficult time for them,( and you)

You don't have to stay for ever, its sounds like a good financial decision allowing you space and time to improve your earning capacity for if you want to move later....

Minesapineappledelight Fri 29-Mar-19 16:17:39

I'd move. So what if it is a bit dull, as long as it is safe and affordable and means security, it will work for raising small children. You can always look at moving somewhere else when they are a bit older. See it as a way to establish yourself securely during their early years.

Babysharkdododont Fri 29-Mar-19 15:30:37

Thanks bored. Schools are OK, probably mid table for results etc.
If I stayed where I am life would be more frantic as I'd be tied to nursery times etc, and DH often travels with work so is absent frequently.
I feel a bit mean as home is around 40 miles away so would probably rule out him popping in for mid week visits etc as he could if I was local.

boredboredboredboredbored Fri 29-Mar-19 15:22:03

I think it sounds like the best option at the minute. Are the schools ok? My home town wasn't great but we never really noticed as kids.

I think you need to consider money, support and childcare. Could you manage / would you want to anywhere else away from your home town?

Babysharkdododont Fri 29-Mar-19 15:20:01

I'm in a huge quandary. Relationship is on its very last legs, 1dc and pg with dc 2.
We live in an expensive place with no help from in laws as they all work, so pay for all childcare etc.
My home town is cheap, so my half of the settlement would be a 50% deposit on a reasonable home for me and dc. My mother is due to retire and would happily provide childcare for me to work.
But, home town is a bit shit. Very small minded, left as soon as I could. I worry I'd be lonely and struggle to make friends etc. Dc would very probably be happy there though, it's not a totally awful place.
So AIBU to move "home" for practical reasons and try to make it work?

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