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To move back to my shitty home town and hope it'll be OK?

(35 Posts)
Babysharkdododont Fri 29-Mar-19 15:20:01

I'm in a huge quandary. Relationship is on its very last legs, 1dc and pg with dc 2.
We live in an expensive place with no help from in laws as they all work, so pay for all childcare etc.
My home town is cheap, so my half of the settlement would be a 50% deposit on a reasonable home for me and dc. My mother is due to retire and would happily provide childcare for me to work.
But, home town is a bit shit. Very small minded, left as soon as I could. I worry I'd be lonely and struggle to make friends etc. Dc would very probably be happy there though, it's not a totally awful place.
So AIBU to move "home" for practical reasons and try to make it work?

flitwit99 Fri 29-Mar-19 17:27:44

If you move away does that place more responsibility on you to facilitate contact? That could be a lot of driving for the next 15 years

Orangecookie Fri 29-Mar-19 17:30:17

I would strongly advise against @evas suggestion of sorting out 50/50 etc with Ex before you make a decision. As that is you not being part of the decision. Support from family is golden. I hung around in the same town because I was thinking if my Ex and his contact. I didn’t put my child first, I didn’t put myself first. It was wasted years of my life and pretty rubbish for our kid too. There is no evidence 50/50 is better for kids.

Sort out what you need, what your child needs, these are often very, very similar. If you are happy and secure, then the child is.

PlasticPatty Fri 29-Mar-19 17:32:32

ffs, go home. Get security for the dc. You can then work on developing a social life that meets your needs, but not in your own backyard. Think of it as your hobby, a challenge.

HopefulAgain10 Fri 29-Mar-19 17:34:52

I would rent for 6 months and then decide. If your feeling was to get away as soon as you could, then you might regret buying and getting stuck there.

DIZZYTIGGER87 Fri 29-Mar-19 17:35:50

I am not sure I would buy to begin with. I moved back, and hate it. We didn't buy and will be moving into a caravan at my parents place to add to our savings so we can buy somewhere different.

I left the town at 18 and was never returning. I really wish I hadn't, I struggle to make friends because those I was friends with from school all left at the same time as me, and a lot of the girls in the toddler groups etc were those that made my life hell at school and I just can't get over it, so it has been pretty isolating

Inliverpool1 Fri 29-Mar-19 17:36:30

I fought tooth and nail to not move back to where I grew up. I put the money into a rental property so that I wasn’t off the ladder and the money being inflated away in a cheapish area and then used the profit towards renting somewhere decent. You have to be creative sometimes. I have an su pair for childcare and it works well.

KateGrey Fri 29-Mar-19 17:44:09

We moved back to our home town. It’s a small market town. Decent schools and what you’d call naice but I never wanted to move back. We did because my parents live here and we have two young children both who have disabilities. It wouldn’t be my choice but it’s not a dump. As long as it’s safe, reasonable schools family support is invaluable.

mikado1 Fri 29-Mar-19 18:30:46

I should add to my scenario, near parents but no childcare, the opposite, so that is massive that you'll be getting that. Best of luck.

PositiveVibez Fri 29-Mar-19 18:39:25

The relationship they have with grandparents and the benefits of having family and support nearby out weighs any need to move away for me

This times 1 million. ^^

Dh and I have both lived elsewhere before we got together.

Our town is quite the shithole tbh, but there are some nice areas and there is a lot of regen going on at the moment and our travel links are excellent.

Plus all our family and friends are here and even if we won the lottery, we would probably stay here because of family.

PumpkinPie2016 Fri 29-Mar-19 18:51:03

In your shoes, I would do it. Even if the home town is a bit shit, there will be some.nicer parts - perhaps you can move to one of those?

I come from a crappy Northern town which has a poor rep nationally but actually, I am very happy here, as are my family. I live in a nice part and ds has a nice school to go to.

As a nurse, you won't struggle for work so that's a positive and you can always move later if you want. Having support from your mum is a massive positive.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

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