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To ask what phrase ended your marriage?

(203 Posts)
SealySal Fri 29-Mar-19 13:57:09

My H recently laughed and said “You wore that? The 90’s want their jacket back hahaha”

Background: I used to have a senior and very well paid job. After DD1 was born, I decided to be a SAHM (H fully in agreement and he earns a very good income so no financial pressure). Main reason was that where we live the maternity leave entitlement was very short and I would have had to go back after 3 months, leaving a tiny baby with a stranger. Since then, 4 years have passed and we’ve since had another DD. She’s 10 months old.

A month ago, an old recruiter contact got in touch and asked if I would meet them to discuss a potential role. I was quite excited!! I miss my old self.

Through my own fault (eating too much), I’m 3 stone heavier than I used to be. None of my lovely old work clothes fit, so I ordered some work clothes online that would be suitable for an interview (good high street brand, not very expensive) and thought I looked quite nice. I’m ebf at the moment, so I started to pump milk and arranged a babysitter.

After I’d had the meeting (commute into the city), I rushed home, paid the babysitter and got on with feeding the baby, picking up DD1 from nursery, cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, getting both DC bathed and to sleep. Over dinner that night, H pointed at my new jacket on the chair and said “You wore that? The 90’s want their jacket back hahaha. People don’t dress like that anymore”.

I’d worn a black shift dress and a black and white check jacket. Both size 14 and fitted well. My heart broke.

I looked at him and thought, I don’t like you. I’ve made my excuses to the recruiter and pulled out of the interview process. I need to try to regroup my thoughts, which is difficult, as I’m exhausted. I’ve done every night shift in forever and I’ve got PND. I know I can get back to my old self and will work towards that.

Is it crazy to think a sentence can end a marriage?

[Also, I know this is a AIBU board and people can sometimes be quite nasty. Someone will definitely say “first time poster”, but I’ve actually been a member since 2013 and this is a new account with a new email address, so that it isn’t linked to shared passwords with H]

AryaStarkWolf Fri 10-May-19 12:17:23

@hellsbellsmelons wow how honourable he is

hellsbellsmelons Fri 10-May-19 12:13:15

Well done OP.
My ExH last words before I told him to fuck off were
'Well I told her (OW) that I had a duty to you and DD'

AryaStarkWolf Fri 10-May-19 11:53:11

Great news OP, good for you

Weenurse Fri 10-May-19 11:49:59


Iwouldratherbemuckingout Thu 09-May-19 14:59:39

Really pleased for you OP! Go you!

The phrase which ended my marriage was nothing as hideous as some of the awful stories (about awful men) but my exh said he had been through the credit card bill nad he wanted half of the cost of the match pots he'd bought - and held his hand out for £2.50. At this point he earned exactly double I did. It was just indicative of his penny pinching meanness.

CupOhTea Thu 09-May-19 14:46:25

Hooray op! What a great update flowersstar. Congratulations on the new job.

Gravelface Thu 09-May-19 14:44:46


Having RTFT (give it a go) there is clearly a little more to it. If you usually struggle with seeing context and the bigger picture, perhaps you also may find the 'demands and pressures' of a job difficult, too.

Bit OTT maybe, but your patronising comment really riled me.

jinglet Thu 09-May-19 14:41:35

Just come across this thread and wanted to say go you @SealySal- you battled your demons and went ahead with the job interview and have been rewarded for it! Sending you lots of luck for the new job. Don't let any f*cker put you down. Ever.

MachineBee Thu 09-May-19 14:34:09

Congratulations OP. Thanks for updating.

BTW - what does your DH say now?

Yutes Thu 09-May-19 14:31:28

So glad you went for it OP!

Littlemissdaredevil Thu 09-May-19 14:31:00

Go you!

ShinyShoe Thu 09-May-19 14:29:06

Brilliant update! Go you!

crikeycrumbsblimey Thu 09-May-19 14:19:29


GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap Thu 09-May-19 14:12:09

Huge congratulations OP, well done!!

Have you talked to your husband about it? Is he showing any other signs of being unsupportive in your return to work?

Tighnabruaich Thu 09-May-19 13:57:55

Fantastic news! I was wondering how you got on.

Cath2907 Thu 09-May-19 13:53:30

My ex-husband said "I made a fucking mistake - OK!" or rather he screamed it at me. It was relating to the dog he had wanted us to get and which I was now sole custodian of. I'd had to add the dog to working full time, all the housework, all the bill paying, all the present buying, holiday booking, child homework supervision etc. whilst he was still not working and not helping around the house due to his "anxiety". I was up 5am everyday to fit it all in and walk the dog HE wanted and now he thinks he's made a mistake. I could have rehomed the dog but instead rehomed the husband (it was the last straw on a very tired and pissed off camel). Best thing I ever did. The dog is lovely.

BernardBlacksWineIcelolly Thu 09-May-19 13:51:49

cake flowers

Good for you OP

user1471590586 Thu 09-May-19 13:48:11

A lot of the shops have 90s looking clothes in. I suffer from depression but if my husband had said that to me I would have laughed. I laugh at some of his clothes too; we have a similar sense of humour. Is there more of a back story of him putting you down generally?

hewontstopshitting Thu 09-May-19 13:47:44

Congratulations OPflowers!!

Pollywollydolly Thu 09-May-19 13:42:46

You're husband's an idiot!

There has been a movement away from business wear towards casual wear in a lot of offices, it started with 'dress down Fridays' and kind of expanded. People still dress smartly for interviews though and personally I like to dress smartly for work regardless of the prevailing culture. This was especially important for me when I went back to work after having my DC, it helped me get out of Mummy mode and into work mode.

Don't let his silly comment bother you, just decide what YOU want to do and go for it.

ThinkWittyThoughts Thu 09-May-19 13:27:17

What a lovely update - congratulations!

MorticiaAddamsIsMyStyleGuru Thu 09-May-19 13:16:16

Absolutely delighted for you. Congratulations. Onwards and upwards 🍾🥂💐

user1494670108 Thu 09-May-19 13:16:08

Good for you op, hope everything works out

Myoldtable Thu 09-May-19 13:13:17

So pleased for you. Good luck with the job

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad Thu 09-May-19 12:58:34

Congratulations OP flowers Really pleased to read this..! Get in there and fly smile

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