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My brother isn't coming to my wedding

(225 Posts)
mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:25:21

2 weeks to go until my wedding and I've just received a message from my brother saying he's not coming.

We have a great relationship but he's said he can't come due to lack of money and nothing to wear.

AIBU to think he should've had some money put aside to go to his dearest sister's wedding?

NotWhatWhat Tue 02-Apr-19 10:22:14

You are drip feeding a bit here OP! I'm sure it's not intensional but knowing he has come back to you area so much since he moved away but can't manage it for your wedding is very relevant info. It suggests there is more to him not being able to come than simply not being able to afford it.

Regardless I'd just give him the cash and tell him it was his cans and birthday present for the following year.

Some people don't see weddings as a big deal. Especially if the couples have been together years and years and already have kids etc. TBH I'm probably in that camp too although I would always attend any wedding I was asked to.

NotWhatWhat Tue 02-Apr-19 10:22:52

Sorry about awful spelling/typos

TuftyBum Tue 02-Apr-19 18:26:47

It suggests there is more to him not being able to come than simply not being able to afford it.

It suggests he can afford it but is using this as emotional blackmail to get some extra money from family for the trip.

Birdshitbridgegotme Tue 02-Apr-19 18:40:08

I know you say your brother is bad with money ect but if u really want him there buy him a cheap suit and train ticket. He will feel awful wearing Jean's ect at a very small wedding with everyone suited and booted. I know it's annoying but if u truly want him there that's the way to go. Or don't have him there that's your choice.
I know how annoying it is to have to shell out again but cant u look at it as if hes part of the wedding so u would have got his suit,sort of like u would a bestman/bridesmaid that sort of thing.

mozzarellasticks Wed 03-Apr-19 19:44:27

Update!!!

I've just been messaging with my brother

He says he's been stressing about money recently but he WILL be at my wedding!!!

Very happy to hear it and told him I'm so grateful and pleased he is able to attend

Thank you all so much. I guess he did want to come after all smile

AnotherEmma Wed 03-Apr-19 19:58:46

Brilliant news! Best wishes for your wedding flowers

Motoko Wed 03-Apr-19 20:22:02

I'm pleased for you. Now you can worry about other things instead! grin

Hope you have a lovely day.

Friedspamfritters Wed 03-Apr-19 20:34:48

Great update OP! Have a wonderful day.

Lizzie48 Wed 03-Apr-19 20:37:53

That really is great news, OP. Now you can focus on your big day and I hope it goes really well. smile

NotWhatWhat Thu 04-Apr-19 00:26:11

That's good news OP.

Hope You have a wonderful day
💕👰🏼🤵🏻💕

AgentJohnson Thu 04-Apr-19 00:41:49

Wow! He was using your wedding as a way to try to get money, he sounds delightful.

LunafortJest Thu 04-Apr-19 08:53:16

Great news OP, but whether he does turn up is a different thing. He may pull out days before, or get sick. Just saying I wouldn't count on it. But if he does go through with attending, that is fantastic for you, and I really hope he does.

Northernparent68 Thu 04-Apr-19 09:10:37

I do n’t think this is about money, it’s time for a serious talk with him

ChicCroissant Thu 04-Apr-19 09:13:39

I am also of the opinion that illness will strike this week, I hope I am wrong - but any requests for support would be best batted away with a breezy 'obviously busy on the day 'cos I am the Bride, can't help, entirely your choice whether to come or not'. If it does happen, definitely emphasise that it is his choice as he will probably try and blame someone else/circumstances even though he's already tried that one

Have a fabulous day, OP! Very best wishes!

mozzarellasticks Sat 13-Apr-19 12:35:52

Thank you so much for all your good wishes

Just to let you all know I am now a married woman!!!

And my brother did manage to get himself here after all smile

Thanks to all again, we had the loveliest day

Puzzledandpissedoff Sat 13-Apr-19 13:46:38

Glad he got there OP - delighted you had a lovely day and wishing you every happiness in your married life flowers

downcasteyes Sat 13-Apr-19 13:51:40

Congratulations! I'm so glad you had a brilliant time

Disfordarkchocolate Sat 13-Apr-19 13:55:18

Congratulations, wishing you a happy and loving marriage.

Motoko Sat 13-Apr-19 14:28:32

Congratulations! I wish you a long, happy, and healthy life together.

I'm glad your brother was able to make it in the end, and that you had a great day.

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 13-Apr-19 16:49:51

Glad he made it. Glad you are married

Now get off the phone and enjoy your wedding day lol

LunafortJest Sun 14-Apr-19 16:55:33

Excellent! I am genuinely happy for you that he did come through. Very good news. Congratulations! smilecakewineflowersflowers

hatemyhairhun Sun 14-Apr-19 18:01:43

What stations will his train journey involve? You may be able to find Advance tickets or split tickets to bring the cost down. He could even travel at an off peak time the night before (etc) and stay with your brother?

Sorry but to go to a low key wedding, he just needs a shirt and some trousers. Doesn’t have to be expensive or flashy, his work uniform would be fine surely.

If we’re being honest, he doesn’t want to go and is using money as an excuse. And it’s probably not that he doesn’t want to go as in doesn’t care about you, but doesn’t want to go as he feels insecure or has low self esteem. A large family event may make him feel anxious.

hatemyhairhun Sun 14-Apr-19 18:02:42

Just seen the update, congrats!

caffeineplease Mon 15-Apr-19 12:48:58

That's great. I'm so so pleased for you!

KC225 Mon 15-Apr-19 15:16:25

Congratulations OP. What a great update.

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