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My brother isn't coming to my wedding

(225 Posts)
mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:25:21

2 weeks to go until my wedding and I've just received a message from my brother saying he's not coming.

We have a great relationship but he's said he can't come due to lack of money and nothing to wear.

AIBU to think he should've had some money put aside to go to his dearest sister's wedding?

WhenISnappedAndFarted Fri 29-Mar-19 13:36:13

OP quite a few people have asked you this - how far does he have to travel?

Invites went out in January, tbh I don't think I'd be able to save enough money to go to one of my siblings birthdays by then.

mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:37:00

@WhenISnappedAndFarted he has recently moved out of the area. I'm trying to find out cost of a train ticket and told him he can wear whatever he likes

chestnut9 Fri 29-Mar-19 13:37:18

How much are the travel expenses? Is the wedding in the UK and he lives in UK? It's very annoying for have him pull out at last minute though TBH I would prob suck it up and pay his travel costs. I paid for my brother's accommodation for my (destination) wedding as he wouldn't have been able to come otherwise

Gazelda Fri 29-Mar-19 13:37:30

How much will he need?
I'd rather look back on my wedding and remember my brother being there, than buttonholes or favours or flowers for the mums or whatever. Is it possible to save the money from the wedding budget to pay for his travel?

Aquamarine1029 Fri 29-Mar-19 13:37:46

Can your parents help him?

GPatz Fri 29-Mar-19 13:38:01

Did he originally say he would go OP?

justmyview Fri 29-Mar-19 13:38:11

He only needs to pay for travel. No one is willing to lend him any money as they know they will not get it back

I suspect there's a back story here

OnlyFoolsnMothers Fri 29-Mar-19 13:39:03

he lives in the country the wedding is in? That's awful of him - does he have a history of cancelling on things, social anxiety etc?

mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:39:35

@GPatz Yes, but from the very start my parents predicted that something like this would happen and expected him not to come

mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:40:00

@justmyview Yes, he's terrible with money 😂

UbbesPonytail Fri 29-Mar-19 13:41:09

How far away? Can someone go and pick him up?

GPatz Fri 29-Mar-19 13:41:20

Wedding invites tend to go out six to eight weeks before the event, so I don't think sending them out in January is that unusual.

HermioneWeasley Fri 29-Mar-19 13:41:24

He’s a selfish dick.

mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:42:11

@HermioneWeasley I'm glad you agree

YouBumder Fri 29-Mar-19 13:42:59

YANBU, what a complete dick.

Disfordarkchocolate Fri 29-Mar-19 13:43:59

From your updates, it sounds like your brother is bad at managing money. In which case I can understand why you're all reluctant to pay for him. The fact is though if this is the real reason he'll need some financial help to get to your wedding.

SunshineCake Fri 29-Mar-19 13:45:08

If you want him there then is that desire more than bothering about not getting money back. If this was me I'd chip in to make my daughter, sister, friend etc happy on her wedding day.

mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:45:08

Just received another message from him. He says the train would probably cost about £80.

LagunaBubbles Fri 29-Mar-19 13:45:21

How many mea away has he moved OP?

squeaver Fri 29-Mar-19 13:46:24

I agree, he's being a dick. Now the wedding's all about him. Whether he comes or not, don't let it be.

notacooldad Fri 29-Mar-19 13:47:05

Years ago it would have bothered me who came to an event important to me ( wedding christening etc)
Theses days I view it as a day in my life. People who can make it will be there and the world will keep spinning. Its not like you two have become estranged.

Personally I wouldn't sweat over it.

Stargazer888 Fri 29-Mar-19 13:47:12

What an asshole move. Given everyone in your family seems to know he's irresponsible and bad with money it sounds like everyone has helped him out many times before. This is a really selfish move on his part.

mozzarellasticks Fri 29-Mar-19 13:48:13

@Stargazer888 you've said it perfectly thank you

heartshapedpositnotes Fri 29-Mar-19 13:49:32


hidinginthenightgarden Fri 29-Mar-19 13:49:47

An £80 ticket more than a ~"move outside the area". IF you wanted him there as badly as you say you'd pay his ticket fare to get him to you. If you aren't that bothered then leave it to him.

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