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To move away from family

(27 Posts)
girlinawhirl Fri 29-Mar-19 10:18:00

Just that really.

My husband and I (and one year old) have chosen to move to a nicer area, it's a maximum hour and fifteen from where both our families live.

My family are making me feel the the worst person in the world, for doing this.

Our reasons are;

I have a job that's a promotion and substantial pay increase. (Also really excited for the job, and opportunity)

He has also managed to find a job in less than two weeks, so this really feels like things are coming together.

We've always wanted to live in a better area, and never imagined ourselves where we were born for the rest of our life and don't want to raise our family here.

Are we being incredibly selfish, as my mum will no longer be able to do childcare so won't see her grandchild every week.

Has anyone been in a similar situation, and what have you done?

I'm feeling like maybe we should just forget it all and stay.

Nurseornot Fri 29-Mar-19 10:41:11

YANBU.

You can't depend on your mum forever, what if she gets ill or just decides she's tired of watching her grandchild? You would need to find an alternative form of childcare and you would have given up a good opportunity at the same time. You would probably resent that. Plus you're not far, you're just a car ride away.

redwoodmazza Fri 29-Mar-19 10:42:31

Move!!!

motheroreily Fri 29-Mar-19 10:45:34

Yanbu - an hour and 15 mins really isn't far at all.
Your mum might not like the reality of doing childcare everyday. It's a real commitment. And you don't know what the future holds.

girlinawhirl Fri 29-Mar-19 11:18:56

I feel like it's really not that far, everyone drives too so it's not very difficult relying on public transport etc

Disfordarkchocolate Fri 29-Mar-19 11:22:16

I'd go for it but, if they're against you moving they may expect you to do all the visiting.

It's wonderful living in an area you like, good luck.

JAMMFYesPlease Fri 29-Mar-19 12:19:23

I moved with my family to a new country. We do a lot of Skyping. My DM always said to me not to feel obligated to stay somewhere just for other people, even her. For a new job (and one you're excited about) I'd definitely move an hour and a bit away from family.

SnuggyBuggy Fri 29-Mar-19 12:33:14

It's not far at all. If anything I think an hour is a nice healthy distance

GruciusMalfoy Fri 29-Mar-19 12:43:32

You have a great opportunity, I'd take it. You can't live your life to please your parents.

irregularegular Fri 29-Mar-19 12:47:51

Crazy. do what you want to do. 1 hr 15 is still perfectly doable for lunch. I thought you were talking about much further than that - another country or something!

Is living very close to family the norm among your family and friends? That would make it harder for them to deal with. Very few people I know have family within an hour.

FourHigh Fri 29-Mar-19 12:49:59

I don't live near my family and really miss them so we are looking to move closer - 2 hours away!! Just over an hour is really nothing at all! I think as long you you could do it in a day or a weekend than it isn't far. We live 4-5 hrs away at the moment and it just takes a bit more planning and staying over which makes it more difficult. I'd love to live an hour away! Distance and space but still close enough to visit easily, perfect!

HopefulAgain10 Fri 29-Mar-19 12:56:05

Very selfish of anyone to make you feel guilty for moving away.

You have your own family- dh and DC. That's your priority. If it benefits your family then thats what comes first.

pinkdelight Fri 29-Mar-19 13:02:58

Yanbu at all. Plenty of people's daily commute is longer than 75mins!

girlinawhirl Fri 29-Mar-19 13:09:27

@irregularegular apart from uni years yes we all live within five minutes drive of each other so very much against the norm.

I agree it's doable for lunch, spending the day together. There's also somewhere nice midwayish I've suggested we can meet at.

Wondering are there are grandparents who can offer their option?

HomeEdRocks18 Fri 29-Mar-19 13:11:53

Yanbu. We moved 320 miles away from our family and friends (6 hr drive).
If your family want to see you all they can come to you or you go to them. It doesn't have to be every week. I think it's more special when you don't see them every week as it gives you more to talk about!
Don't feel bad for your choice. You must come first

GreenLabels Fri 29-Mar-19 13:18:55

I don't think distance really affects a relationship. It's the effort you put in.

I grew up living half an hour away from my paternal grandparents, and two hours from my maternal grandparents.

Yet my maternal grandparents played a far bigger role in my life and I saw them far more frequently.

(To be fair to my paternal grandparents, my sister and I were their 9th and 10th grandchildren, whereas we were the 1st and 2nd (and only) for my maternal grandparents. So obviously we were more special to the latter.)

5foot5 Fri 29-Mar-19 13:18:57

I'd go for it but, if they're against you moving they may expect you to do all the visiting.

Oh almost certainly - been there! But this is not necessarily a bad thing unless you really want to live in each others pockets all the time. 1hour 15 minutes is not that far really. We have always lived further than that from family but still managed visits

Drum2018 Fri 29-Mar-19 13:28:42

The only people you need to consider are you, Dh and child. Given child is a baby then really it's just you and Dh as child is too young to have a say. If you are happy to move and create a new life for yourselves then go for it. It sounds like a great opportunity. You don't have to take anyone else's opinions on board. An hour and 15 mins is no length. We had that distance and would travel to visit often for a daytrip.

Miffymeow Fri 29-Mar-19 13:30:02

YANBU, I moved away from mine and it's great having my own area to be honest. I visit them every few weeks and all is good.

Nanny0gg Fri 29-Mar-19 13:34:40

As a grandma I'd definitely miss you all but it's no distance.

Just try and do regular visits both ways and regular phone calls and all will be fine.

Parker231 Fri 29-Mar-19 13:37:28

We live in London, my family in Belgium and DH’s in Canada. We all have a close relationship. An hour is nothing.

wibbleee Fri 29-Mar-19 13:41:20

1 hrs nothing! people travel that for work!

jameswong Fri 29-Mar-19 13:53:24

YANBU

I live in a different continent, two flights and about 14 hours of travel away. My wife is a 4 hour flight from her family, same continent different country. I've put myself, my wife, and my newborn first and I won't be changing it to spare my parents' feelings ( nor would they want me to)

Oysterbabe Fri 29-Mar-19 13:56:24

That's no distance. We're 4 hours from mine and 2 from DH's.

elQuintoConyo Fri 29-Mar-19 14:32:41

Checking in from Spain. I have a sibling in NZ. Parents both in UK.

If they cannot be happy, they should be silent.

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