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Fiancé’s cousin is hijacking our wedding

(165 Posts)
Annamich Fri 29-Mar-19 01:21:42

Where do I start guys? I’m going to give you the short(ish) version. Last year my fiancé and I had told his family ( and by family I mean his mums side who are all meddling and involved in eachothers business because they are greek, loud and infuriating) that we would be getting married in 2019. One of the aunts kept badgering me for a date which I could not give as we hadn’t booked a venue but did say we will give everyone a years heads up. Turns out she kept asking because she wanted her son to get married that year and indeed after he got engaged, they booked for 2019. Fiance and I decided that two close family weddings would be a huge strain on the family (being greek we’re quite extra with our outfits and very generous with pinning money on the bride and groom so weddings are a huge expense) so we would postpone for the summer of the following year. No hard feelings, they found a venue and booked everything before us so fair enough. So fiancé got a call from his other cousin a few days ago...her demeanour was sort of tail in between legs and broke it to him that she will be having her wedding summer of 2020 a week before or after ours as we are going abroad for our wedding and she wants to also do it in the same country. Please note it’s not a destination wedding per se as its our home country and we all return several times a year for a holiday and to see family. My F (will refer to Fiancé as simply F, mother in law MIL, sister in law SIL, fiances meddling family as FMF) told his cousin that it’s a shock to us all as she hadn’t previously mentioned intentions on getting married and that she’s not engaged yet and also frankly she would be stealing our thunder to an extent. Then it got messy. His cousin didn’t get the reaction she wanted so proceeded to call other family members, crying to them and calling us unreasonable. That we’re not compromising and giving her dates therefore she will be forced to book any date she wants. She even had one family member scream at my fiancé and call him a petulant child and selfish because we don’t want our weddings so close together. One reason being that it takes away from both couples and two because we had postponed as not to inconvenience our families and here she is bull dozing us and causing drama. Then it gets even more complicated. Obviously F and I are upset so even though we haven’t told his hijacker cousin the full extent of our anger, we’ve been speaking to My f’s mum, dad and sister. His mum hasn’t been particularly indignant that the cousin ( who is known for her selfishness) is trying to detract from our special day, his dad somehow is faulting my F because he is angry about it and his sister is urging us to give a date and making out it’s not tgat big of a deal. My SIL didn’t even want hijacker cousin as her bridesmaid because she didn’t want her causing drama yet I’m meant to roll over and take it? I’m furious!!! I text the hijacker cousin (aka HC) and simply said that when I have a specific date, like all other couples do, I will announce a date. I did however tell her it would be end of Aug- beginning of Sep depending on venue. She proceeded to tell me that because I’m not giving her a date, ger family won’t be able to go to her wedding and essentially im not compromising and ruining it for her. Yet again I explained that I did not have a date, that we are in the process of visiting our prospective venues. I also explained that I can’t dictate to anyone what they should do and that her timing was inappropriate and inconsiderate to the family. She promised me that she wouldn’t steal the attention from us and that it would all be about us and it won’t even be like she’s a bride to (referring to the 2 week holiday everyone would likely take for our weddy). Is she for real? Does she actually think this is my concern? The fact that she’s even voiced this just set of alarm bells. She has a way of causing havoc and drama and I simply do not want my wedding to be tainted by her histrionics. To top it off l, following a conversation with SIL, I had asked her my HC was putting her in the middle going back and forth with message ls. SIL got ger back up and told me that it’s to do with her brother and her cousin. Essentially telling me she has ecery right. She totally missed the point that I thought it was unfair on her to feel this obligation and unfair on us to keep being pressured by everyone and have so many opinions thrown at us. I apologised later for speaking heatedly and explained it wasn’t directed at her and that I was frustrated at the situation. I apologised three times and she didn’t acknowledge a single one. Now I’m upset with SIL because this isn’t about her and she’s not the injured party. And I know damn well that if HC was having her wedding a week aprt from SIL then she would have gone all guns blazing and MIL would have caused a war. I feel like all our family has somehow made us feel guilty and inconsiderate when in actuality we’re being shafted. I’ve calmed F down and told him none of it matters and we’ll still have a great time because he’s a hot head and could easily fall out with all of them. Inside however im angry, frustrated and sad. I guess I need to hear an objective perspective. I’m finding absolutely no support from the family and I’m so mad at all of then for piling on top and then making out to be the victim.

Ironymaiden Fri 29-Mar-19 01:25:08

Are you sure both of you are old enough to get married? How childish.

cliquewhyohwhy Fri 29-Mar-19 01:25:33

Why not just elope?

tokirara Fri 29-Mar-19 01:27:55

It's your DH's family. Surely up to him to sort it out and back you up if it's an issue?

Otherwise you are going to get into a bridezilla contest with said cousin...

sighrollseyes Fri 29-Mar-19 01:30:43

Just tell them not to attend your wedding if they aren't happy with it. Simple!

captainkangaroo Fri 29-Mar-19 01:33:25

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LikeDolphinsCanSwim Fri 29-Mar-19 01:34:49

Sounds exhausting. I don’t really understand it all to be honest. But, perhaps try not to fall out with anyone over this.

Saffrone Fri 29-Mar-19 01:38:44


PencereTencere Fri 29-Mar-19 01:39:00

Sounds thoroughly over the top to me. I don't really understand the whole 'stealing your thunder' thing - surely the most important thing is your marriage, not your wedding?

strawberrisc Fri 29-Mar-19 01:39:28


strawberrisc Fri 29-Mar-19 01:40:39


viques Fri 29-Mar-19 01:42:34

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Saffrone Fri 29-Mar-19 01:42:59

Sorry - indignant AND fat fingers!

PP you are being a bit aggro with OP. it sounds frustrating as heck that OP has tried to be accommodating but it hasn't worked out.

OP just book your wedding & enjoy it. Sounds simplistic, but been there, got the t shirt & weddings bring out the drama. Just simplify. Dis engage. Keep the calm.

user1473878824 Fri 29-Mar-19 01:43:20

You’d do better on the Wedding Bee forums.

user1473878824 Fri 29-Mar-19 01:43:55

And what @Saffrone

user1473878824 Fri 29-Mar-19 01:44:08

Christ me too now. And what @Saffrone said.

Snugglepumpkin Fri 29-Mar-19 01:44:56

So, have I got this right..... you think that only one member of this family should be allowed to get married each year in order not to steal the thunder of the couple allowed to get married?
You won't decide a date but want other people who live in a different country to sit around waiting for you to pick one so that they don't potentially inconvenience you?

You are ALL being unreasonable shouting & screaming at each other over this & also slightly delusional about the whole situation.

Only YOU are as interested in your wedding as you are.
It just isn't that important to anyone else.

IAmNotAWitch Fri 29-Mar-19 01:47:30

Mate, it is just a wedding. Pick a day that suits you and your fiance and don't worry about the rest of it.

PregnantSea Fri 29-Mar-19 01:49:43

Just get on and book a venue and then send out the invites. Let your cousin do whatever she wants and don't pay and attention to her acting like an idiot. Weddings are supposed to be happy smile

Crabbyandproudofit Fri 29-Mar-19 01:52:51

Thank you for giving us the short(ish) version!

The only thing which confuses me (well the bit that confuses me most) is why HC would want her wedding close to yours if it's such a big no no for you, your F and the other cousin? Is she not concerned about having to share the limelight? And it does sound as if you and F are more worried about that than the expense for your guests. If you are in your 20's I'm sure you have lots of friends and family getting married every year. Did HC even know that you are planning to get married in Aug/Sept 2020? If you haven't chosen a venue yet, far less booked a date, you can't have asked guests to "Save the date" so perhaps it hasn't been at the forefront of other people's minds?

I think you all, including all of F's family you have mentioned, are a bit too fond of drama.

DioneTheDiabolist Fri 29-Mar-19 01:55:36

If everyone has to travel, surely it's best for you both to have the weddings close together. That way your guests aren't out a fortune and a load of annual leave twice.

Annamich Fri 29-Mar-19 02:04:00

Gosh I guess reading it back I would agree with some of the negative comments. I don’t expect everyone would understand why his cousin has upset me because I didn’t explain myself well and no amount of text will get that across. I defend my right to want a special wedding without having someone dictate to me and give me ultimatums as well as cause so much friction. In response to the person who asked if I think only one person should get married each year, the answer is no. I just think we just space them out.

PBobs Fri 29-Mar-19 02:07:20

Can you please do us a favour and stop with the "it's cos we're Greek innit" BS. It's actually because you're all a bunch of lunatics. Being Greek has nothing to do with it and I just find it bloody insulting. The biggest trouble makers and busybodies at my wedding were posh English people. The Greeks were all beautifully behaved and kind and generous and kept their noses out unless asked. I don't go around slating English people and playing the stereotypes card as a result. Please someone tell me this is a wind up.

LikeYouSaid Fri 29-Mar-19 02:08:41

I’m confused... you never picked a date, never really confirmed with anyone a date except to give vague answers and are angry she chose a date close to yours? confused

Pick a date and plan - don’t concern yourself with what HC is doing for her wedding.

OneInAMillionYou Fri 29-Mar-19 02:13:02

This is the funniest OP I've ever read, especially with the Vicky Pollard photo half way dow the page. Mumsnet truly is the gift that keeps giving....

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