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DP keeps asking if I'm ok

(28 Posts)
ohcontrarerodders Thu 28-Mar-19 19:36:53

Pretty much that really. We've lived together for three years and every night if I'm not smiling and welcoming him with open arms and dancing around he thinks something's up! I'm absolutely fine and just feel tired some nights or not talkative, but I'm fine. Really. I am. I think he asks more when he's tired and a bit grumpy if I'm honest. Perhaps he's not ok? hmm

Sorry, this is quite light hearted. I'm not going to LTB wink but does anyone else's partner do this and what is the best response? I'm finding it puts me in a bad mood and then I get grumpy because he keeps asking and then he says 'I knew something was up'

Any advice? and please don't ask if I'm ok...I am absolutely FINE! grin

7yo7yo Thu 28-Mar-19 19:39:03

Whatsamatter op?
You ok?

hazell42 Thu 28-Mar-19 19:42:57

God, I hated that. There is nothing you can do to prove that you are ok. The more you try to convince them the worse it looks. Ends up being a 'thing'.
Can you agree that if there is something wrong you will tell him?
Just a thought though. You are not one of those people who mutter 'nutthink!' In clipped tones through gritted teeth are you? Cos that's annoying too.
Tell him to knock it off.

chippingalong Thu 28-Mar-19 19:44:12

I do this to my husband and tbh I think I ask when I'm feeling grumpy myself. So I think you're right, he's projecting his feelings onto you. Maybe (keeping it light-hearted) just tell him to shut up?!

SmallPinkBear Thu 28-Mar-19 19:45:35

My DH does this and it drives me crazy. He keeps on at me so I end up snapping at him when actually I was fine before he started hmm

Jackshouse Thu 28-Mar-19 19:45:43

Is he OK?

CripsSandwiches Thu 28-Mar-19 19:47:42

What does he say if you say "I'm just quiet because I'm tired after work, why is there anything up with you?".

LeesPostersAreInFrames Thu 28-Mar-19 19:49:56

@smallpinkbear but do you snap and fart at him or just snap? wink

I had a boyfriend at 21 who was like this. God it was annoying. He said it like a verbal tick more than because he cared mostly, but some times he'd really insistent that he thought I wasn't okay. I think I more or less trained him out of it by convincing him I'd tell him if I wasn't.

burritofan Thu 28-Mar-19 19:51:01

My DP does this. He once managed 37 "Are you OKs?" in a single weekend. I always reply, "Remember what Lindsay Lohan once said: 'Don't ever ask me if I'm OK, because it's like, yeah, motherfucker, I'm fine."

So now he goes, "Are you O— wait, I know, Lindsay motherfucker, do you want a cup of tea?"

Just point it out, gently, every time; that it's a bit irritating to have your status checked on every 5 mins when you just have resting bitch face.

TheFlis12345 Thu 28-Mar-19 19:51:47

My DH does this sometimes, it can be annoying but I know it’s just because he cares and wants me to always be happy. I just tell him I am having some quiet time as I am tired and cranky!

Ohyesiam Thu 28-Mar-19 19:53:13

I always think the subtext of that is” you’re not being how I want you to be”
Really annoying.
Sit him down and explain to him that your personality has lots of shades, and bubbly is just one of them. If he wants attention he needs to ask for it more directly.

inashizzle Thu 28-Mar-19 19:55:31

I've done this to my dp of 19 years. Wondered why he used to say stop asking me. Thanks for posting, I get it now. blush

redexpat Thu 28-Mar-19 19:55:47

Dh kept whining 'are you alright love?' and it drove me nuts. He asked me about 5 times in as many minutes so I told him that 5 minutes previously I had been but right now I was pretty pissed off that he didnt seem to believe me. Do you tjink Im lying? So why are you asking the same question over and over and invading my headspace?

ohcontrarerodders Thu 28-Mar-19 19:55:52

Great advice thank you. When I tell him it irritates me, he admits he says it out of habit and perhaps he's tired. I smiled at him once and he said 'oh no... what's wrong?' confused Perhaps I need to work on my smile

PotatoBreadsticks Thu 28-Mar-19 19:59:57

You know sometimes when you're nicely and quietly watching a show together and your body has this urge to take a deep breath and let it out? To him this is me sighing and something's obviously wrong... Erm... No!! I just needed to take a big breath!! I assume your situation is a bit like this?!

user1471453601 Thu 28-Mar-19 20:02:16

Your thread is kind of spooky for me. DD had been asking me the same question for months. I was a bit bemused, but didn't question it, DD is a very caring person so it could have been about my intermittent aching back, or loads of other things.

Today she told me the reason she asks is because my friends partner is terminally ill with a cancer that I had ten years ago. I obviously got a much better prognosis than him. DD explained that she kept checking up on me because she knew I was trying to support my friend, but also recognised that it must be distressing for me too, hence her concern.

So ask your husband why he is concerned. You never know

Whocansay Thu 28-Mar-19 20:04:38

I am a right grumpy cow at the end of the working day. I need a few minutes to chill out. My DH was the same as yours, but I explained to him how I felt, and now he says hello, gives me a quick kiss and then goes to see the kids when he comes in, just giving me a few minutes. I find I am chilled much more quickly because of this!

mynameiscalypso Thu 28-Mar-19 20:06:48

I do this a lot. For me, it's a legacy of a shitty relationship where my ex used to get upset with me for no reason, start ignoring me or being weird and then I'd have to guess as to what I'd done wrong. I'm sure it's super annoying though.

Windygate Thu 28-Mar-19 20:11:59

When some one asks if you are okay or alright they are not enquiring about your welfare. They are asking if you are in a position to support them. It's a actually quite a selfish question. Now and again is reasonable, three years in is too much.

CookPassBabtridge Thu 28-Mar-19 20:20:04

My DP is always asking if I'm alright whenever I come into a room, it's annoying and I sometimes say "yeah still alright like I was 5 mins ago". And he's also done the thing where he asks too much and I then get grumpy, and he says "knew there was something wrong". What is it with these men?

purplealiensdontwearhats Thu 28-Mar-19 20:20:11

OMG we could be married to the same man! Conversations in out house go like this:
DH: hi
Me: hello
DH: how are you?
Me: fine thanks
DH: what’s wrong?
DH: doesn’t look like nothing’s wrong
Me: there’s nothing wrong, I’m fine!
DH:what’s up?
DH: Are you SURE???
Me: of course I’m bloody sure!
DH:is there anything wrong??

I just have one of those resting bitch faces that looks miserable.

He’s not so bad now-thank God

PandaMa Thu 28-Mar-19 20:23:51

My DH does this - most often when I get up in the middle of the night to pee annoyingly enough. I asked him why he keeps asking once and he shrugged and said, "Just like to check you're alright,"... felt like a right cow for getting annoyed!

Belenus Thu 28-Mar-19 20:25:03

When some one asks if you are okay or alright they are not enquiring about your welfare. They are asking if you are in a position to support them. It's a actually quite a selfish question.

Errm. How did you read that into it? Sometimes a friend may look down. Or they may have been down the last time I saw them, or something else has happened that makes me wonder if they are OK or not. So I ask them, because I care about them and am happy to listen. I don't do it to suit my own ends.

Warmhandscoldheart Thu 28-Mar-19 20:28:12

My DH does this too. I've started tilting my head to one side sighing loudly then saying "I just feel quiet today, everyone's allowed a quiet day aren't they?" in very soft voice. Works every time

aposterhasnoname Thu 28-Mar-19 20:36:13

Omg, Im not alone, thank fuck for that. Every day without fail the following conversation occurs.

DH: how are you?
Me: I’m fine
DH: how are you feeling.
Me: I just said, I’m fine
DH: are you ok?
Me (through gritted teeth) as I’ve already said twice, I’m fine

Every Single Fucking Day!

I honestly thought I was being a bitch, and most people would be touched by his concern.

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