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AIBU to refuse to visit in-laws because of their bees?

(66 Posts)
ChandelierSail Thu 28-Mar-19 18:17:09

Yes I know this is a strange one. Unfortunately I've married into a very strange family.

So SIL lives overseas and MIL lives in an annexe in her garden. It's a residential area with a medium sized garden approx 30 feet long.

SIL has just told us that they have got bee hives in their garden!

She's making out I'm a nutter cos I'm refusing to visit. DH is very allergic to bee stings and could have an anaphylactic shock if stung.

We're flying out there next week and because it's hot there we always sit outside.

Now I'm thinking poor DH won't be able to sit outside and will be taking his life in his hands just visiting his mum in her annexe in SIL's garden.

I've emailed her to address my concerns and this is her reply

You don’t need to worry about being stung, our hive is very happy and sedate and too busy keeping the queen happy to be interested in anything else. Mom even sits in the garden with them and Lulu (their dog) sits right next to the second hive in the front ( this one we will be moving before you come). Fiddlewood not in flower so you won’t even need to wear shoes 😉^ I still feel so terrible about that^ 😢 (DH was stung round theirs after standing on a bee in their grass and had a very bad reaction)

Has been interesting as when we investigated the residential by-laws and spoke to our neighbors to get permission we discovered how many people in the area have hives, our opposite neighbor and a couple of people in^ xx^^ Rd have had for years. Apparently the honey from this particular area is highly sort after. Best of all we are helping to keep the bee population healthy^. Sorry that Youre ^anxious about them but there is no need to worry.

I was thinking when you arrive on Sat it may be nice to have you all around for supper ie Sat early evening. Was thinking of^ a bbq^ but there is also the option of one of^ BIL's kormas, which would you prefer?

So if you were me, what would you do?

AIBU? I'm not am I?

Thewheelsarefallingoff Thu 28-Mar-19 18:18:48

Yanbu, do they know DH is allergic?

SexNotJenga Thu 28-Mar-19 18:19:15

What does your dh think?

GreenTulips Thu 28-Mar-19 18:19:42

I wouldn’t go!

Bees can swarm and kill if they feel threatened and why epilepsy you put your DH in that position of a known possible allergic reaction?

ChandelierSail Thu 28-Mar-19 18:20:56

Yes they know. They saw how bad he was last time. That's what I mean. They are minimising it.

DH agrees with me but never stands up to his family.

EL8888 Thu 28-Mar-19 18:21:05

I wouldn’t be happy taking my child. I have a number of allergies myself but l know people often under estimate them and think people are being overly dramatic 🙄

Still18atheart Thu 28-Mar-19 18:21:16

What does you dh think? It’s his condition his call and his family.

SrSteveOskowski Thu 28-Mar-19 18:21:56

Since your DH has a serious allergy, I would be very reluctant to go, but did giggle at the thought of them having a BEE BEE QUE! Do you think she said that on purpose?

NWQM Thu 28-Mar-19 18:22:50

I'm assuming you aren't cancelling your visit but just uncomfortable going to her house - is that what you mean?

Perhaps it would be a compromise to visit but stay in doors briefly and then all go out?

Why are you address this with your SIL and not your DH?

ChandelierSail Thu 28-Mar-19 18:23:28

It's do bloody awkward because we haven't seen them for 18 months and his mum is 95 so not around for much longer. It's definitely going to be an issue because MIL is disabled so we always have to go there to see her.

Thank god we're staying in a hotel while there!!

NotStayingIn Thu 28-Mar-19 18:23:46

I don’t think you should do anything else. Surely it’s up to your husband to decide if he is happy going and to talk to her if not.

ChandelierSail Thu 28-Mar-19 18:25:18

I'm addressing it with SIL cos DH isn't brave enough to speak out to his bossy domineering sister.

InfiniteCurve Thu 28-Mar-19 18:25:26

But surely if your DH goes outside at all , anywhere he's going to be exposed to bees (as it were).
Or are you inner city dwellers where it's not a problem?
The bees won't be patrolling the garden looking for victims,they'll be out and about .

Reddragonqueen Thu 28-Mar-19 18:49:24

Obviously this is unhelpful to you but I wish my MIL had bees. I'd go visit much more often 😂

killpop Thu 28-Mar-19 18:57:41

If the weather is nice, I'd go for the BBQ. You can always have the korma another day.

BottleOfJameson Thu 28-Mar-19 19:00:23

I was about to say YABVU until I read about DH's allergy - surely they can't guarantee he won't get stung - even if it's a rarity it's not a risk I'd be willing to take. Why isn't DH dealing with it though? It's his family and his allergy.

OrchidInTheSun Thu 28-Mar-19 19:03:25

I'm allergic to bee stings and I'd go. I grow plants that attract bees but I don't walk on grass barefoot anywhere. Bees really do try not to sting people

burritofan Thu 28-Mar-19 19:05:05

You're not being unreasonable, but can I go instead? It sounds lovely! (If you're not allergic to bees.)

SmallFastPenguin Thu 28-Mar-19 19:06:20

Well at least the Fiddlewood isn't in flower.

Bluntness100 Thu 28-Mar-19 19:10:47

Bees really do not want to sting you. They really don't. As long as he's not barefoot I personally wouldn't have a problem with it, and your sister in law knows her bees and your husband.

However if he doesn't wish to go as he's scared, then he should address it with her. And not have you do it. He can't be scared to do that too. Tell him to put his big boy pants on.

MrsBertBibby Thu 28-Mar-19 19:11:01

You really are no more likely to be stung there than anywhere else.

Honey bees are only aggressive around their hive. A yard or so away and they have nothing to protect.

MitziK Thu 28-Mar-19 19:11:13

You have to really piss off a Honey Bee for it to sting you - for example, by standing on it, kicking the hive or screaming and flapping like a hysterical six year old.

They'll be far more interested in foraging than anything else at this time of year.

We went to lavender farm a couple of years ago - there were probably ten thousand Bees of various types in the plants - but they had no interest in the visitors walking through the rows, sitting amongst them, touching the plants and just generally being within centimetres of them, they just wanted to do their Bee Thing and head back to drop off their cargo.

Expressedways Thu 28-Mar-19 19:12:32

I really don’t think it’s fair that you get painted as the bad guy when your DH is the one with the allergy and it’s his bloody family. How does he justifying letting them brand you as the difficult nutter? But if it were me with the allergy, I’d refuse to go. As it’s not you, I’d refuse say another word on the matter and let your DH handle it. If he doesn’t want to go, which would be totally reasonable, he can tell them as much himself.

MrsBertBibby Thu 28-Mar-19 19:12:45

We have bees, btw, and the only person to be stung was me when I did a really stupid thing in the hive. No kids or visitors have been stung.

Thatsnotmyotter Thu 28-Mar-19 19:13:59

Does DH have an epipen?

My dad is allergic to bees and has two hives in his garden. He has an epipen but has never actually been stung.

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