AIBU to not want another dog(44 Posts)
DH is a complete dog lover. I am very much not. When we moved in together he persuaded me to get a dog which I did and I tolerated but I never 'got it' Im resigned to the fact that im just not a dog lover and never will be
DDog has since passed away and although I was sad and the house does feel odd without her I'm really not keen on getting another. DH keeps bringing up the idea and getting annoyed when I refuse, asking me for 'reasons' etc but apparently just not wanting one isn't enough.
For reference DH works nights and is in bed all day so 5 days out of 7 dog would be pretty much my responsibility, I couldn't just let it be 'his dog'
Well you last paragraph is your answer. Not wanting another dog is reason enough though, especially given that it sounds like you do most of the work involved. It makes it very easy for him to own a dog if someone else is doing all the work.
I have a dog. I love her dearly but she's a lot of work and responsibility but I got her because I wanted a dog. However, I'd never get another one if/when anything happens to her.
Im resigned to the fact that im just not a dog lover and never will be
This is reason enough.
DH keeps bringing up the idea and getting annoyed when I refuse, asking me for 'reasons' etc but apparently just not wanting one isn't enough
Refer your DH to the above.
I'm glad my dh likes having a dog too, otherwise it would be a ltb situation.
Not unreasonable at all. We had a dog for 13 years and when he died I was very upset and I did miss him. However I don't want another, not just at the minute anyway. DCs are now pretty independent and so are we as a result. Maybe it'll be something we may consider when we retire but not right now. Friends keep pestering me but I just know I don't want that responsibility right now.
Just tell him you don't want a dog 5 days out of 7
Basically he's asking you to look after a dog so he can have one 2 days a week
I adore my dog so much. I can't bear the idea that people get dogs they don't love.
@smallfastpenguin same here dog and kids are non negotiable, would def say LTB if anyone got in between. Sorry op that's completely unhelpful
Thanks all for the advice. If it was a situation where a dog was his responsibility then I could compromise but I just feel to expect me to have a dog the vast majority of the time when he isn't even here and I don't want one is unfair on me and prospective dog.
I'm surprised at the people saying they would LTB if they couldn't have a dog! Not judging but I genuinely don't 'get it'
My marriage broke down in part because my DH promised we could have a dog before we married and then backtracked after we actually got married. For some people it is a dealbreaker, so I kind of get the LTB thing. I feel like something is missing in my life without a dog honestly.
BUT, if he's not the one doing 100% of the work with the dog, it's simple. He can't have one. I never would have made XH do one iota of dog related stuff because it would've been my dog.
What type of dog did you have? If you got a non-shedding hypoallergenic dog would that help? We compromised with a spoodle (schnauzer/poodle) and now I adore her.
No YANBU and since you have already had a dog with him and still feel the way you do then he can't even say that you haven't given it a chance. You have. You didn't really like it and wouldn't do it again. That's reason enough. IMO it's like having a DC in that you both have to want it - one can't force the other to want to have another responsibility that they don't want. And not wanting one IS reason enough. I don't want a dog, so we don't have one. DH and the kids would, at least in theory, like one, but since I'm the one that's home it would fall to me to feed, walk, take to the vet, pick up its shit, etc, and so I get the casting vote and it's a 'No!'
I love dogs, but our current one is such a lot of work, I really want a bit of a break before we get another . It's hard work if you like them, if you're not that keen i think it's really unfair of him to ask you to take on the responsibility.
Can your husband not walk the dog before he goes to bed / work
Having recently got a dog after a 12 year dog free period, I have to say.. I'm equally baffled as to how you don't 'get it' weird isn't it? I don't think not dog owning would make me ltb but I can't get my head around people like my Mum who don't like dogs.
I'm afraid I'm another who doesn't "get" the dog love. I would never want one although happy to meet other people's. I'm a cat person (I know you can be both) - they might be selfish but they are independent, warm to cuddle, know their own minds and very clean. Mine is terrified of birds and cowers if a pigeon is overhead; she will circle an ant on the carpet with amazement. No killer instinct in this one.
I don't think you are being unreasonable in the slightest given that you'd be doing most of the work!!
Tell DH that you will have a dog when he gets a job that means he will be available to look after it seven days a week. He really can't expect you to take him seriously when he is ruling himself out of looking after said dog for five days a week.
I got a tortoise and told dh we can get a new dog when it dies I’ve lived with dogs for the last 10years I’m going to enjoy many years before I even consider a new one.
I’m the dog lover and DP more like you and I’ll be getting a dog fairly soonish...
The difference is, the dogs have always been my responsibility - I’m the one who is in the majority of the time and I’m the one doing most of the looking after.
I couldn’t live with someone who didn’t like animals, mine are very much mine and my hobby, although DH does love them now and will walk the dog when I can’t.
A dog is a huge responsibility and a limiter on your life to an extent and I can see why someone wouldn’t want one.
Thanks for all the responses, it's nice to see that even the dog lovers can see my point of view. Our last dog was a female border collie, sharp as a tack and very independent which suited me and I did grow fond of the funny girl, I do miss her sometimes. But DH's work situation was different back then and he did do the majority of dog related stuff. Just seems unfair (I should add which I missed from my OP it's a puppy he wants to get not a adult dog because he doesn't want to re-home a dog that 'hasnt been trained properly')
I love dogs but absolutely do not get one unless you are 100% on board with it. Not fair on you, not fair on the dog.
I adore our dog and will be heartbroken when he goes but I could easily live without one.
But we lost our last cat a couple of weeks ago and I'm really struggling without a cat or two so I can see your DH's point but as a PP said, until he's in a position to be 100% responsible for it, it would be a no from me.
Please don’t yield—you’re absolutely correct that you shouldn’t get a dog unless you both want one. This is a situation where you must put your foot down and I say that as a dog lover and owner of three. It’s super unfair on all involved to bring a dog into a house where he/she is not wanted by all. That’s miserable.
I think that your OH should accept your no—it’s not like you have denied him a dog, you had one and it’s still not for you so I do think it’s fair that this time you’re saying no.
YANBU at all! He's being really unreasonable to demand you look after a dog you don't want the majority of the time. I love mine but she dictates a lot about the decisions I make daily (SAHM) and in the middle of a rainy cold winter when I'm wrapping up me and two babies to go out for her daily muddy walk I definitely question my sanity!!
If you worked full time and really wanted a baby but your husband had no interest in having kids,do you think it'd be reasonable to go ahead and have a baby and make your husband do all the childcare?
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