AIBU to not want my neighbour popping round(74 Posts)
I've lived in my home for nearly 5 years and appreciate things could be far worse but want to know what others think of what I see as an invasive neighbour situation.
Our one set of neighbours lived next door when we my dh moved into the house and they developed a relationship where they would watch each other's homes/move post if they went on holiday. That I am fine with.
A year after I moved in they stepped it up going on holiday for 5 weeks and asking me to feed their cat twice a day for 5 weeks (little did I know this would also inc scraping up cat poop off their conservatory floor each day!) The following summer they went away for 5 weeks again (cat had passed away) and asked if we'd cut the lawn as well. DH kindly obliged.
Last year her DH was very poorly and when we took our week holiday I did not dream of asking them to watch the house etc and made other arrangements.
In between the holidays, she will regularly call round unannounced and if I don't answer the dooron the first knock, she'll proceed to knock the front window, call my name etc etc which I find very stressful. They have a daughter and grown granddaughter who live no more than 10 mins away so I don't see that she is constantly lonely.
I'm currently 4 weeks away from being due to give birth to our 1st child and two weeks ago she popped round saying they were going away for 5 weeks again this year at the start of May and could I look after the house. I politely advised I didn't want to commit to anything as we will have a newborn. She then proceeded to say that's fair enough....will my dh do it instead and cut the lawn. I again repeated WE wouldn't want to commit to anything which she seemed quite upset by. She then stroked my bump, which took me totally by surprise and was not at all comfortable with before saying I better have the baby before they go away as she wants to see it.
I heard her knocking the door again yesterday but ignored it, but feel uncomfortable in my home.
I've ordered a please do not disturb sign to put in the porch but feel I shouldn't need to do this for someone to think about what is acceptable.
I got home today to find to my horror that a parcel of ours has been ledt with them! I've sent her a very polite text thanking them for taking it in and to set a time for me to collect it (right as I head out to yoga so I can't hang around) She's replied saying sure but dh has sold it on gumtree....
She never comes round when my dh is home and when I tell him he says I'm overreactingand they're good people.
I just feel very uncomfortable that she drops round when it suits her and I feel it quite selfish she wants us to house sit this year, especially after I showed them much better consideration last year when their situation was diffucult.
She also has a ladder propped up against the fence and scares the life out of me when I'm in my garden trying to get some time to myself and starts asking me questions about what I'm up to etc.
It's making me very anxious to go on mat leave thinking she will come round even more and watching my every move for baby to arrive and be inviting herself round the minute our baby arrives.
Does anyone have similar experiences that they've dealt with, or any advice on how to set some new boundaries after such a long time living next to them? I will get really mad if I can't even sit with my baby in the garden without being hassled or spied on, or sleep/feeding are disturbed by her relentless knocking/calling my name outside my front door!
Do you ever see the daughter visiting? I just wonder, given the age gap, if you have become a sort of substitute in her mind. Anyway she is being horribly intrusive so I still say spray her with the hose. Also to any requests I would say “sorry but no I cant do that. How about asking your daughter - doesnt she live ^really close by^” and sort of tut.
If you’re looking for some neighbour themed light relief, check out “Two Doors Down” on BBC iPlayer, its v funny neighbour related sitcom.
All the best for your upcoming bundle OP, another vote for a homemade sign saying “DO NOT KNOCK OR RING, BABY SLEEPING” being permanently up when you are at home.
OP - you've done nothing wrong. You've done neighbourly things for your neighbour, but they are taking advantage of you now.
Whilst yes you have done more house watching than they have, it's down to circumstances rather than them refusing. She also does sound a bit lonely but once you have your lo having a decent neighbour could come in very handy. Yes have boundaries and don't overly encourage but don't get offended either.
Sorry, I should be clearer about the "relationship". They are in their 70's, we are in our 30's, we have never referred to each other as friends, but neighbours. We have never socialised or exchanged gifts on birthday's, Christmas etc. All of which I would do with an actual friend.
It has purely been a move the post/take in a parcel (normal neighbourly things) which are now being taken to the extreme and becoming suffocating. We have zero in common other than living on the same street. I've tried to be a good neighbour and now being taken for an idiot. What kind of friend would ask someone with a newborn to cut their lawn and take care of their house for 5 weeks without any thought?? Sorry but I totally disagree that my actions have given an impression of someone wanting anything other than to be a good neighbour. I just no longer wish to be taken advantage of as it's one way and way too much.
She thinks you are friends. Not her fault. You have acted as one on the surface whilst simultaneously seething.
What is the point of that?
Why would you be mortified a parcel had gone there?
Seems to be what friends do.
If you don't want to be friends, at least have the decency to tell her. I would feel humiliated if one of my friends was secretly resenting every conversation
Your husband needs to tell her before any more approaches are made, 'with the baby due and all your preparations underway, neither of you will be able to do any jobs for her in the future and you both need time to relax undisturbed' . If she approaches you after that you both have to be very firm as you'll know you are dealing with a nut job.
oh - and privacy film on your windows so they can't see fuck all when they try to spy!
Some people have the hide of a rhino so you DO need to be very blunt/rude to force them to back off.
These kind of people know that you are uncomfortable/don't want it but will play on your good nature/politeness to force you into being a doormat.
The Do Not Disturb sign is a good idea - but don;t be surprised if she feels it doesn't apply to her because of xyz...
Garden - i'd plant potted bamboo along the fence so that it grows really high and blocks her from peering over.
I live in a tenement block on the ground floor and have a current neighbour who used to take the utter piss after we got friendly.
If i ignored his phone calls/text msgs he'd be straight round knocking on my door or shouting through my letter box.
If i ignored this he'd shout that he knew i was in because i'd left the key on the door and he could see it - when i removed the key he'd peer through the keyhole so i now have a curtain in front of my door so he can't spy through the letterbox or keyhole.
He claimed to be deaf in one ear but funnily enough he'd hear every time i opened/closed my front door or someone rang my buzzer!
He would come round to my front window and knock on and shout for me if i ignored the front door/phone.
In summer he sits out the front in front of my windows so if my blinds/windows are open he can see/hear what i'm up to.
So i'm pre-empting him this year and getting potted thorny plants to put under my windows.
I finally lost my shit with him just over a year ago after he stood outside my front door in the communal hallway shouting "i know you're in there" and calling me all sorts for ignoring him.
I think the whole building - and the block next door - heard me put him in his place.
Now i completely ignore him even if i see him in the street.
At the most i'll just nod and say hi and that's it.
If i were you, the next time she asks for 'favours' i'd just say "we can't help you - perhaps you should ask your daughter?"
The knocking on the door is easy to deal with, just ignore or answer and say you've a headache, you're expecting a call, or simply say you're too busy to talk.
However the ladder would drive me up the wall. Can you say the that it's a burglary risk - which it is - get the crime prevention people round. Alternatively can you put some sort of bamboo screen around where you sit so she can't see you, you could move it around so she gets the hint. You have my sympathies the garden thing would drive me up the wall!
The sly witch saying she'd flogged yer parcel. She's not no innocent yoke that's for sure. She knew it'd get a rise. I'd watch that one
What about saying she cant come in because you are suffering from Tourette's and then keep telling her to F off repeatedly. Anyone would get the message then very clearly.
Crikey, we need to know you're safe
and so is your parcel!!!
There are a lot of radical suggestions being made, but how about just being honest and blunt with her. "I'm sorry Vera but I am a private person and don't like people knocking on my door (and windows), or talking to me every time I am in my garden. I need quiet time to myself. I'll pop round with baby so you can meet her when we are ready to share her with the world; we will be taking quiet family time for as long as we need, first." Presupposing understanding and co-operation can work wonders; "thank you so much for understanding, you're a lovely person I just need my own space in my own home and I know you wouldn't want to intrude on that."
Oh my goodness some of ypur responses are pure brilliance, although I certainly don't have big enough girl pants to see some of them through! I will definitely stick to setting some firm boundaries over the coming weeks and some of you saying sometimes you to be blunt to get your message across are probably right with this woman!
I went to fetch parcel at agreed time and she then wanted to bring it into my house for me and to know what I'd been buying. It was by no means heavy and I just replied saying no thank you, it's for a friend so it's going straight in my car. I added I wasn't expecting it to arrive until the weekend or I would have made other arrangements for delivery as I hate to bother people. I then left with a "gotta dash" and legged it!
Thank you for all the ideas though, def need to get dh on the same page as I'm certain as their hols approach they will ask again!
Has she been kidnapped by neighbour?....
Does anybody else think the OP has gone to fetch her parcel and has been snatched by the neighbour?!
She’s a CF OP. I have my own NDN CF. Popping round on the guise of seeing how I am when really she just wants to tell me horrible things the neighbours are saying sbout us! Constantly appearing on my
Doorstep with her dogs when I’ve told
Her DC and I are Ill, so sorry can’t chat. She starts “oh well I’m really upset about my friend” yep ok but I don’t care, it’s freezing, I’m 9 months pregnant and look like death warmed up. Aargh!!
I think you just need to stop being polite and tell her to leave you alone. I would be telling her that I find her behaviour intrusive and want to be left alone. What are you scared of? If she gets the hump and stops talking to you... you win!
Yes I'd get a sign as suggested above and let my close friends know who it really applies to.
Stop doing all the jobs for her - if she has a daughter living nearby she needs to ask her. She clearly has assumed you are 'on call' to her because of your kindness.
Tell her you are suffering from a very contagious disease which you don't want anyone catching and it can linger for months...tell her to close the gate on the way out....
I used a less friendly "BABY ASLEEP, DO NOT RING BELL, DO NO KNOCK" myself
I used to disconnect the door bell, but not much about people banging at the door when no one answers the doorbell...
I LOVE the skimpy towel idea. There's genius on here sometimes!
Following as I am dying to know if the ndn's are that much of CFs as to ask you to mind their shiz for 5 weeks at a time - and with a new baba - and then to sell yer parcel on gumtree
Jesus christ she sounds like how Hyacinth Bouquet trying to get Emmet' s attention in Keeping Up Appearances! (Sorry if you're too young for the reference) Give her a wide birth,Weirdo.
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