AIBU to not want my neighbour popping round(74 Posts)
I've lived in my home for nearly 5 years and appreciate things could be far worse but want to know what others think of what I see as an invasive neighbour situation.
Our one set of neighbours lived next door when we my dh moved into the house and they developed a relationship where they would watch each other's homes/move post if they went on holiday. That I am fine with.
A year after I moved in they stepped it up going on holiday for 5 weeks and asking me to feed their cat twice a day for 5 weeks (little did I know this would also inc scraping up cat poop off their conservatory floor each day!) The following summer they went away for 5 weeks again (cat had passed away) and asked if we'd cut the lawn as well. DH kindly obliged.
Last year her DH was very poorly and when we took our week holiday I did not dream of asking them to watch the house etc and made other arrangements.
In between the holidays, she will regularly call round unannounced and if I don't answer the dooron the first knock, she'll proceed to knock the front window, call my name etc etc which I find very stressful. They have a daughter and grown granddaughter who live no more than 10 mins away so I don't see that she is constantly lonely.
I'm currently 4 weeks away from being due to give birth to our 1st child and two weeks ago she popped round saying they were going away for 5 weeks again this year at the start of May and could I look after the house. I politely advised I didn't want to commit to anything as we will have a newborn. She then proceeded to say that's fair enough....will my dh do it instead and cut the lawn. I again repeated WE wouldn't want to commit to anything which she seemed quite upset by. She then stroked my bump, which took me totally by surprise and was not at all comfortable with before saying I better have the baby before they go away as she wants to see it.
I heard her knocking the door again yesterday but ignored it, but feel uncomfortable in my home.
I've ordered a please do not disturb sign to put in the porch but feel I shouldn't need to do this for someone to think about what is acceptable.
I got home today to find to my horror that a parcel of ours has been ledt with them! I've sent her a very polite text thanking them for taking it in and to set a time for me to collect it (right as I head out to yoga so I can't hang around) She's replied saying sure but dh has sold it on gumtree....
She never comes round when my dh is home and when I tell him he says I'm overreactingand they're good people.
I just feel very uncomfortable that she drops round when it suits her and I feel it quite selfish she wants us to house sit this year, especially after I showed them much better consideration last year when their situation was diffucult.
She also has a ladder propped up against the fence and scares the life out of me when I'm in my garden trying to get some time to myself and starts asking me questions about what I'm up to etc.
It's making me very anxious to go on mat leave thinking she will come round even more and watching my every move for baby to arrive and be inviting herself round the minute our baby arrives.
Does anyone have similar experiences that they've dealt with, or any advice on how to set some new boundaries after such a long time living next to them? I will get really mad if I can't even sit with my baby in the garden without being hassled or spied on, or sleep/feeding are disturbed by her relentless knocking/calling my name outside my front door!
She's replied saying sure but dh has sold it on gumtree....
Your neighbour sold your parcel on Gumtree? Please tell me I've misunderstood.
I'm assuming she's joking about that bit, I guess I'll find out at 6pm!
She's replied saying sure but dh has sold it on gumtree....
Baby sleeping sign!! And lock the door. Close blinds. She will get the message.
Ah okay, you'll have to update!
She sounds full on. Definitely stop the favours, she's taking the piss. We're on great terms with ours but we each sort out our in house/animal care.
I think once you stop the favours that'll help. Also, continue not answering when she knocks. She might get the hint (hopefully). If she does want to come round/see the baby when it arrives, I'd have a few stock answers ready - eg 'now isn't a good time.'
It's hard because you want to keep on good terms but she's definitely being over familiar.
They asked you to look after a cat and mow lawns for 5 weeks?
That's so cheeky.
You need to say No, very firmly, We are just too busy and make sure your DH is on the same page. And I'd get rid of that ladder a bit pronto while they're away or have an accident with some rungs on it...........
Gosh this all sounds horribly intrusive. You might just have to lose your temper with her. Not nice but I am not sure what else to suggest - she obviously has quite a thick skin.
Can you get hold of one of those advice leaflets from the police about not leaving ladders in gardens as thieves may use them to break in, and put it through her door? The rest, ugh, I wish I knew the answer that didn’t include a massive fall out with neighbours. I have had the same, and it is absolutely stifling!
....and if the daughter lives 10 mins away, why the fuck are you having to cat sit or mow the lawn??
Op I think you are going to have to be slightly rude here...she will not take no for an answer and whilst you may desire to keep on friendly terms you are going to have to be a bit tougher....I would say when questioned about DH looking after the house ...DH says sorry no can do ...I need to rest and he is going to be busy,,he is very insistant that myself and our baby have peace and quiet and he is going to make sure we do...by all means you may ask him but I knw he will not agree to it at this time..hes very headstrong Gladys so approach with caution!!! Then get your husband to slam a few doors in and out and ignore them! I blame my husband for allsorts and he is the nicest guy but it seems to work,,no one asks him anything lol
oh and dont forget to mention about your lovely friend who has found a top class cattery for her cat whist she is away apparently your friend told you it was superb and highly recommended...before hand google any old cattery and chuck the number at her,,,there you go Gladys I saw this and thought I could solve you a problem...followed by a tinkely laugh and a firm shutting of the door...!!!
I'm living the same nightmare! My neighbour asked me to look after her cat inside MY house while she went away for Xmas for THREE WEEKS. I'm also expecting but she still thought it was ok for me to have the cat and the cat litter tray in my house. I can't say no to people when they ask me for something so I did it.. she would also ask what time suits me for her to call over, I would give her a time but them she would still turn up whenever she felt like it. But since she got back I've avoided her as much as possible. Like your neighbour she will come and knock on the doors and then look in the windows but I pretend I can't hear her now when she does that. I'm ignoring all phone calls and messages and I think she's starting to get the picture. I think you should try and cut contact as much as possible, even for collecting parcels you should send your dh. She will ignore the sign and will be a nightmare when you're on maternity If you haven't cut her out by then.
I feel your pain. I had this with an elderly neighbour after I kicked my ex husband left - she would constantly pop round and knock on the door. It got to the point that I'd pull on to the driveway and before I'd had time to put my handbag down she'd be knocking on the door - the kids and I used to hide behind the furniture and crawl on hands and knees.
In the end I was quite snappy with her and she backed off. It might be that you just have to give it to her straight sadly, some people just can't take a hint
I think it will be fine once you've re-established your boundaries. If you don't answer to her she'll eventually stop calling round. Don't cat sit when it isn't convenient. My neighbours and I cat sit for each other (but always clear that there is no obligation and if not convenient we'll make other arrangements). I wouldn't dream of asking someone to mow my lawn though!
Op I think you are going to have to be slightly rude here
Agree, I think you're going to have to be fairly blunt in a way that will probably feel rude - but really she is the one forcing the situation into this with her own rudeness.
Depends on the layout of your house of course, but while you're on mat leave I'd just close the curtains of the downstairs front windows (obviously this is best if your living room is at the back and you can sit in there with curtains open without her seeing you and banging on the window).
I will need to know if she’s actually sold your parcel. Coz that’s actually batshit.
I've had this too. Had to go nuclear in the end.
When she pops up on the ladder and asks what you are up to, tell her you are just trying to get some peace and quiet. When baby comes and she knocks, tell her not too as it wakes the baby up.
Find a local gardner's details and give them to her as you and DH wont be available.
If all else fails, tell her bluntly that you are finding the constant visits overbearing and just to be left alone.
Yes. I had a neighbour like this. I couldn't even go in the garden, she would come right up to the fence and peek through. If I was there she would come rushing round. I had never had a garden before and it completely ruined my pleasure in it.
I even tried to make a place round the side of the building for me to sit but it was a horrible patch and right near the traffic smell and noise.
If she came to the door and I didn't answer she would question me next time I saw her.
One time I explained I was on the toilet when she called.
I was younger then and she was much older. I felt trapped and bullied.
Anyway my landlord started a boundary dispute with her and she went raving mad and hated me after that.
Many years later she did manage to speak to me and actually helped me with something that was a medical problem I had.
Until recently, she kept writing to me, but I never answer.
She was lonely and foolish.
Your neighbour sounds terribly demanding and I think you need to both stop helping her out. The baby is also a brilliant excuse for that.
Stop answering the door to her and always say how busy you are. x
You definitely need to set the boundaries before your baby arrives or she will be round all the time.
Pretend you don't notice her tantrum. She sounds awful.
Yes! I’ve been through this. My husbands Aunty lived two doors down and was always popping over constraint d doing things like banging on the window, etc if I didn’t answer knocks. I was having a sleep one day at 38 weeks with our first, and she came over and started walking around our house. She came in through the back! I was furious. We got a lock for the back Door. When that didn’t stop her my husband had to go over and ask her not to come over unannounced again, don’t knock on windows etc. she was embarrassed and I think a bit put out but she didn’t do it again. I’d be direct with them.
Just tell her you'd like her to show you the same consideration you showed her when she was going through a rough time, and that you have enough on your plate without having the responsibility of their house to look after as well!
Just explain its your first child, it's a HUGE life change and why can't her daughter just pop round every now and again? Maybe just explain next time may be different but this time you have to say no.
It's so difficult isn't it as you are on good terms. If you explained a bit about how you feel do you think she would be understanding? Or maybe get your DH to speak to her or her husband instead. Take the pressure off you.
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