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Would this annoy you

(32 Posts)
soontobefour4 Thu 28-Mar-19 09:43:19

Prepared to be told I'm being petty but just want to get s bit of perspective on this.

I have an 18 month old DS and am heavily pregnant. I have been taking DS for swimming lessons since September at a nice holiday park type place. We both really enjoy it and have made some nice friends there.

MIL is always saying that she'd like to do more with DS so I asked if she'd like to come swimming with us. I could do with the help now I'm heavily pregnant and it's quite a fun activity, so everyone wins. She said she'd really like to as she enjoys swimming so she has joined us the last 3 weeks. The first 2 weeks she watched from the side to get the gist of things and last week she took DS in for me.

The changing room is one small communal changing room. I have always left my belongings there whilst I swim and had no problems, there are lockers but I've never bothered to use them because I don't leave any valuable there - I literally just take our towels and swimming stuff so I don't have to worry about anything going missing. Unbeknown to me, MIL left her Fitbit in her coat pocket, unattended in the changing room whilst she swam with DS. It got stolen and she is understandably very annoyed.

She was asking around about this Fitbit in a very accusatory tone, saying there were obviously thieves there and she couldn't believe anyone would do something like that. The other mums were looking around in case it had been dropped, offering suggestions etc, generally trying to be kind and helpful. She went out to the front desk to ask if it had been handed in and told the nice receptionist that they obviously allow thieves in and generally taking her anger out on everyone who was trying to help. I felt really uncomfortable- I felt bad that this had happened when she was doing me a favour, but also felt that she was insinuating that someone amongst our swimming group was dishonest. The fact is there are only 4 or 5 in our group and we were the last ones out of the changing room that day so it couldn't have been any of our group. There was one gym user who had come to use the showers so it could have been her, or it could have been someone from the previous swimming group, but again only 4 or 5 people and the lessons are only 30 minutes long, so it would have had to be the last person to finish changing who took the opportunity to rummage through pockets in a window of opportunity of about 10 minutes before we came out. The odd thing is for some reason my phone was in DS's swimming bag next to her coat - as I said I never usually take anything like that in, but must have done so accidentally on this occasion. That didn't get stolen, and it's a decent phone so it seems odd that the thief left that and only took the Fitbit. She took to Facebook and wrote a similar comment on the venue's page. She does have form for things going missing and then turning up at some point in the future, so DFIL, DH and I have all queries whether it has actually been stolen and is she sure it hasn't been misplaced.

She is planning on asking around tomorrow at swimming about this Fitbit. I am dreading it because I really felt like she was accusing the mums I have made friends with and I found it really embarrassing. I'm not sure what she is trying to achieve - is one of them going to suddenly say that they snuck back into the changing room and stole it?!?! I just feel like she is spoiling something DS and I have really enjoyed by being caught out by her own stupidity- she left her phone in the car to prevent it being stolen, so why not the Fitbit? She said she thought about asking me to look after it but then thought it would be fine so left it in her pocket. I completely understand that she is cross (particularly as she has only had this Fitbit for a month having lost the last one on holiday!) but all of the alternative options would have been better and surely a woman in her sixties would realise that!

I guess my AIBU is whether I am wrong for being embarrassed about her reaction and feeling uncomfortable about how she is planning to behave tomorrow, which I can only imagine given she has had a week to stew on it is going to be some kind of cross interrogation of the nice mums and staff I have got to know over the last few months.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Thu 28-Mar-19 09:46:25

I'd be livid if my fitbit got stolen whilst doing someone else a favour.

Floralhousecoat Thu 28-Mar-19 09:47:20

You need to say to her what you've said here, that she's embarrassing you in front of your friends and needs to take responsibility for her own carelessness.

Rainbowjellies Thu 28-Mar-19 09:50:19

I mean to be fair she is right, someone there is a thief. On the other hand I wouldn't have left anything valuable lying around.

Bluntness100 Thu 28-Mar-19 09:50:59

No you're not being unreasonable. She is old enough to know if she has valuables she should lock them away, the lockers were available, and she needs to take personal responsibility.

Personally I'd be embarrassed by her idiotic behaviour.

Chocolateisfab Thu 28-Mar-19 09:52:14

Her item. Her responsibility to have locked it away.
Practice your eye roll for when she kicks off again.
Bet it turns up before too long too.
At her house.

outpinked Thu 28-Mar-19 09:54:56

I’d be fuming if someone stole a valuable of mine but equally would have to accept blame if I didn’t keep it locked away as your MIL will have to. It’s shit but lockers were available and she should have used them for valuables.

Mememeplease Thu 28-Mar-19 09:55:05

Yanbu
She only has herself to blame. There were lots of safer options to use including the lockers. Everyone knows you don't leave valuables hanging around.

Yes she was doing you a favour, but she was responsible for her fitbit.

Yanbu if you want to ask her to stop embarrassing you. How you actually do that is another matter. It'll be an awkward conversation.

soontobefour4 Thu 28-Mar-19 09:56:20

Yes I suppose she is right, someone there that morning is a thief. However, it is impossible that it was one of the mums in our group who she was speaking to in the accusatory tone and who she is planning to speak to tomorrow - we were definitely the last to leave the changing room and everyone comes back together so it cannot be one of them. We won't be able to speak to the mums from the previous group because we'll be swimming when they come out. If it was the gym user they are unlikely to be there again and I wouldn't recognise her anyway.

I do completely understand that she is cross and it is annoying, I just think there were so many other options and she should have known better.

Chocolateisfab Thu 28-Mar-19 09:57:28

Staff have access to changing rooms also remember....

CloserIAm2Fine Thu 28-Mar-19 10:01:51

Yes she was doing you a favour, but she’s a grown woman who chose to leave a valuable item unattended, despite there being several safer alternatives. The favour you asked (which was also for her benefit as well) wasn’t anything to do with the Fitbit. It’s absolutely not your fault and YANBU to be annoyed by her attitude.

Trippedupagain Thu 28-Mar-19 10:02:57

Tell her to draw a line under it now, drop the subject, it's embarrassing. Is she absolutely sure she had it there? It may well turn up at home at some point, I bet. If so, it will be I interesting to see what she says!

Oliversmumsarmy Thu 28-Mar-19 10:03:15

I would be very angry if someone stole something of mine but if there are lockers I wouldn’t be leaving things unattended. There are thieves and opportunists everywhere.

If you have something you don’t want stealing lock it up.

EL8888 Thu 28-Mar-19 10:05:58

She sounds a delight! I don’t think you are being unreasonable. Her accusatory manner sounds embarrassing. If it does turn up then would she admit the fit bit hasn’t been stolen? My mum is terrible for “losing stuff” but it then turns up in her house a few weeks or days later

Drogosnextwife Thu 28-Mar-19 10:08:08

Her responsibility. I would be embarrassed
Of her carry on aswell. More likely that she has misplaced it herself, unlikely for someone to steal a Fitbit and not a phone. I wouldn't let her come if she is going to go around accusing people.

DanielRicciardosSmile Thu 28-Mar-19 10:08:32

Without wanting to imply your MIL is losing the plot, is she absolutely certain she had it with her? Seems odd that it was the only thing taken, and not your phone or (presumably also left in the changing room) cash and jewellery. Speaking from a purely personal viewpoint there's been more than one occasion where I could have sworn 100% I had something when I left the house, only to return home and find it on the kitchen table or somewhere.

ijustdontunderstandher Thu 28-Mar-19 10:12:47

It’s her responsibility to look after her own belongings. She’s old enough now to know that if she doesn’t want something to go missing then she should look after it.

soontobefour4 Thu 28-Mar-19 10:13:48

Well this is the thing, she is absolutely sure she left it in her coat pocket because she questioned herself whether it would be safe there or whether to lock it away or give it to me (🤦‍♀️). However the previous week she said she had a fiver in her pocket to buy a coffee and that it had gone when she came to pay, so she thought it had slipped out somewhere. A few days later I asked whether the fiver had turned up and she said she wasn't sure whether she had actually put it in her pocket in the first place or not!

Acis Thu 28-Mar-19 10:18:46

Ask her what on earth she hopes to achieve by asking around at the swimming group given that it's been established that none of them could be responsible or knows anything about it. Unless she has a very good answer ask her to leave it alone, if only for the sake of her grandchild as relationships with his friends are bound to be affected if she goes round accusing their parents.

whitesoxx Thu 28-Mar-19 10:19:34

Sounds like it was never in the pocket. Let her get on with it.

Did you look on top of the lockers? Ask again at reception as if it was on the floor someone might have just popped it up on top so it didn't get wet?

viques Thu 28-Mar-19 10:23:31

She is right to feel angry, sneak thieves going through people's pockets are scum. At least you , and the rest of your group, now know to use a locker. If there is nothing to steal a thief can't steal it!. Tell her the best thing she can do is to remind people to use a locker for valuables so they don't have a similar experience.

AnnieMay100 Thu 28-Mar-19 10:28:29

I can see both sides, I’d be angry if it was stolen too but going by your post there’s a chance she didn’t have it with her at all?
However making a scene and embarrassing you isn’t a good way to deal with it and I wouldn’t want her to continue coming if it made the class uncomfortable. Could you speak to the other mums and apologise that they were accused? If it was genuinely stolen it’s more likely to be a staff member that saw her wearing it on the way in imo.

floribunda18 Thu 28-Mar-19 10:28:53

Oh god, my own DM does things like that. When we go to school events commenting in loud whispers on people that I know quite well and their kids! She seems to think it's anonymous but we live in quite a small place and I actually know most people!

oh4forkssake Thu 28-Mar-19 10:34:03

She does have form for things going missing and then turning up at some point in the future, so DFIL, DH and I have all queries whether it has actually been stolen and is she sure it hasn't been misplaced.

I had come to this conclusion long before I got to this statement. My DM and DH both have form for the same thing. And in DH's case it is ALWAYS someone else's fault.

It will show up somewhere else and she won't tell you. The fact that your phone wasn't taken alongside it makes no sense.

Purplecatshopaholic Thu 28-Mar-19 10:37:28

She left a valuable item in a vulnerable place. She could have left it in the car/at home, or used a locker. She didnt. More the fool her

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