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To be surprised this woman got so cross with my three yr old

(285 Posts)
JuniperGinYay Thu 28-Mar-19 09:40:55

DD is recently 3, but has good clear speech. She’s small and could be presumed to be 2.

Like many toddlers she’s a bit absolute. We cycled past a woman on a horse in the road, later we saw the same woman at a out door forest cafe.

Dd was sitting with Dd 6 and the woman lent on the next table while her friend saw to the horse, I was getting drinks and in clear sight but not ear shot. Apparently dd3 said ‘horses go in farms, not on the road’ then when the woman disagreed she said ‘yes! Roads are for cars! You scare horse in road!’. Personally I would have just either smiled and wandered off or explained my horse wasn’t scared on the road and was used to it. Instead the woman stomped over and gave me a tirade about what I taught my daughter, her attitude and how I was a ‘presumptuous car driver ‘. Dd was still smiling, now chatting about unicorns and horses to her sister in the same smiley way. I was initially very polite, explained she didn’t actually mean to criticise and just chats away. She’d probably just only seen horses off road or in farm pictures and was basing it on that, not family disapproval of horse riding. I also pointed out we were on bikes. I smiled and all that and tried to be friendly and tone it down, but then she retorted i had no idea how to raise polite children so I also raised my voice and told her to just stay away from the children if she had issue.

I’m still stewing on it today. Bizarre? If she dislikes small children why she even stood so close to a little one (tables scattered out doors in forest area, plenty of space) I don’t know.

killpop Thu 28-Mar-19 09:44:06

It was very obvious to the woman that your child was parroting what you or another driver had said. Horses and riders get shit from drivers all the time, roads aren't dangerous for riders, drivers are!

pippistrelle Thu 28-Mar-19 09:46:33

It was your parenting she was criticising, not children in general so you can't really assume that she doesn't like children. But meh, file away under 'people are weird'. Don't waste your energy stewing.

pelirocco123 Thu 28-Mar-19 09:48:04

There is no way a 3 year could come up with that reasoning

IHopeYouUnderstandWeArePuppets Thu 28-Mar-19 09:48:34

I wouldn’t say it’s obvious that you’re daughter was parroting what she’d heard an adult say, but the woman has certainly assumed that. I agree with the PP who says horse riders will get attitude from other road users and also an ignorance about how to drive around horses which has added to her frustration. However, she was very rude for taking it out on you and quite silly for getting so riled at a child’s comment. You tried to explain and calm her but she had already made up her mind about you. You were not unreasonable, it was definitely her.

boringlyboring Thu 28-Mar-19 09:49:29

explained she didn’t actually mean to criticise

😂 It comes to something when you have to assure people they’re not being criticised by a toddler!

You’re right, she is bizarre.

I’m suprised she didn’t take offence to the mention of unicorns as horse shaming.

Alicatz66 Thu 28-Mar-19 09:50:14

She probably thought your child was cheeky ...

ChicCroissant Thu 28-Mar-19 09:52:16

Agree that the woman tackled you because it was clear where your DD got her line of thinking from!

Lizzie48 Thu 28-Mar-19 09:56:01

I would understand her being upset if your 6 year old had said this, that would be bad mannered and a sign of poor parenting. But she didn't say anything. 3 year olds see the world in black and white terms and, what's more, will say the first thing that comes into their heads. They can be hugely embarrassing to their parents.

Taking offence at something a 3 year old you don't even know says is just weird and says a lot about her but nothing about your parenting.

ChardonnaysPrettySister Thu 28-Mar-19 09:56:34

I was once out with my dogs and a girl this age started telling how bad they were and did I know they bite?

So I said no, they don't but I did glare at the parents because it was clear where that came from. Didn't say a word to them though.

The dad told me I was a bitch. Great parenting all around.

krustykittens Thu 28-Mar-19 09:56:56

For goodness sake, I am a horse rider and I wouldn't get offended at that, I certainly wouldn't cause a scene in public! As for the line of thinking - one of my friends had a child who insisted that all meat was chicken at that age and couldn't be argued with. They get notions in their head and it is hard to shift, they are so confident they are right.

TheFrontHoleIsConnectedToThe Thu 28-Mar-19 09:57:02

Why did you explain your toddler to her?

Who cares what some insane person thinks?

"Sorry CrazyLady I won't tell you where to drive your horses if you don't tell me how to raise my kids".

MissionItsPossible Thu 28-Mar-19 09:57:09

I would personally find it very cheeky if a 3 year old said something along the lines of that to me and would be wondering who they were getting it from.

TheFrontHoleIsConnectedToThe Thu 28-Mar-19 09:57:53

And yes, that's perfectly logical thinking to a three year old.

Brilliantidiot Thu 28-Mar-19 09:59:44

While I think her reaction was ott, and uncalled for, and for that I think she was being U, I do understand where she's coming from. I used to have a horse of my own, and ride a friend's occasionally, and the shit you get is nothing compared to the way people put your life at risk - on purpose sometimes too.
Most riders absolutely hate being on the road, but most bridleways start and end on them, so you don't have much choice. Many bridleways have also been wrecked by off roaders too. And no, we can't just ride on random farmers fields, no more than you can walk or drive over them.
Horses are similar to dogs in that they need regular and varied exercise, and horse owners like dog owners or indeed any pet owner, they have one or acess to one because they love the animals.
although knowing some attitudes to dog owners here I have probably just made it worse 😳

outpinked Thu 28-Mar-19 10:00:48

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Betty777 Thu 28-Mar-19 10:02:28

Even if you HAD expressed opinions like that in front of your DD for her to parrot, what she is actually picking on is a toddler saying something out loud that she disagreed with?
She could just as likely have said 'that lady is a poo poo head' - would she be assuming that was your opinion too? There's little point in telling people to 'raise more polite children' when they are that young?

Obviously hasn't got much contact with young kids in her life. I would be annoyed too PP :-)

HoHoHolittlepea Thu 28-Mar-19 10:02:46

Crumbs! I hope people don't think every random idea my dd says is parroted from me....sounds like the lady wasnt having a great day..i wouldn't have known how to respond... maybe just have said 'oh right she said that did she?' rather than feeling the need to defend?

NutElla5x Thu 28-Mar-19 10:03:32

Even if you had taught your daughter those notions,that would be your opinion that you are entitled to. She,however had no right to confront you in such a hostile way whilst you're just going about your business. Just like her horse the woman is an ass.

Persimmonn Thu 28-Mar-19 10:03:44

So I said no, they don't but I did glare at the parents because it was clear where that came from. Didn't say a word to them though.

The dad told me I was a bitch. Great parenting all around.

Why the hell did you glare at parents for something a child said? A glare is quite intimidating and often more rude than saying something.
My ds hates dogs, not something taught by me. He always walks past dogs and is scared they might bite him, and often says it out loud.
If a dog owner glared at me for him being scared and saying it out loud, I’d probably call them a bitch too.

StepAwayFromGoogle Thu 28-Mar-19 10:05:19

Three year olds say all kinds of nonsense. Not at all the case that she must have heard it from you. My 3 year old took to telling everyone that we were buying her horse to keep in the garden. Had never mentioned horses to us up to that point.
People love to get a cob on about something. I'd ignore the silly mare and get on with your day.

TheInvestigator Thu 28-Mar-19 10:05:39


Ha! At 3, my son called all resteraunts "the chicken shop". If we went out for dinner he would be all excited because he loved getting chicken in a chicken shop. Couldn't be reasoned with! All meat was chicken.

StoryBookorTwo Thu 28-Mar-19 10:06:48

I'm a horse rider and think she was being ridiculous. Why do people get themselves so wound up about nothing?

I did get a bit annoyed though at a driver who shouted at me that horses belong on bridlepaths when I was on the two minute stretch of road to get to the bridlepaths in the woods. He must have thought we could apparate there. The difference was that he was an adult.

Mine is younger but she thinks everything is a dog! The horse rider would probably have been furious if she one day said that dogs aren't for riding

zoellafortitude Thu 28-Mar-19 10:07:25

Maybe the horse woman has had a recent run-in with a bad driver and your child's comments really got to her. I wouldn't have let it get to me, I must say. I'd have just smiled and perhaps just chatted a bit about my horse.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule Thu 28-Mar-19 10:07:39

I think a 3 year old could come up with that reasoning if they've only ever heard that horses live on farms or in fields and simply hadn't seen one on a road before. Little ones' logic is funny sometimes and they can be really literal. She sounds like she was expressing her surprise and concern, because I know I teach mine to be wary of cars on the road and maybe she just applied that logic to nice lovely horses getting scared on a big road too.

I don't think the woman should've been so rude to you, but riders and horses get such a horrendous time out on the road she was probably taking it out on you. I'd forget about it now if I were you, there's nothing else to be done really.

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