Talk

Advanced search

AIBU to think that even the worst heartbreaks feel ok eventually?

(22 Posts)
Whatisgoingonwithmylife Wed 27-Mar-19 22:10:22

Right now I am wallowing I’m self pity and completely heartbroken after the end of my relationship.

AIBU to say that we’ve all been there, and even the worst heartbreaks fade eventually?

I’m focused on being happier by the summer! Reasonable?

Bloodybridget Wed 27-Mar-19 22:13:35

Well, yes, all heartbreak heals in time. I'd say you will feel considerably better by the summer, and in six months you'll be fine. Meanwhile, sending you lots of sympathy flowers

Nala8 Wed 27-Mar-19 22:13:35

I agree!! Been there myself and I believe time really does heal all smile

cocomelon23 Wed 27-Mar-19 22:14:34

Hell Yeah! I've been there and now happier than ever.

Whatisgoingonwithmylife Wed 27-Mar-19 22:15:33

I’m making extensive lists about all the things he’s ever done to annoy me, it’s definitely helping grin

Bloodybridget Wed 27-Mar-19 22:17:08

That's the spirit! You seem to have a great attitude so maybe you can fast-track your recovery!

squeakyreptile Wed 27-Mar-19 22:22:29

A phrase I found summed the whole thing up (in my experience!) was, 'it only makes sense when it does'.

It felt utterly miserable, sad and painful at the time.

I couldn't imagine being happy again. What helped me (in a way that helped me focus on myself!) was to compile a large collection of all the lovely photos of me laughing, smiling, joking and all the wonderful times I enjoyed in life before I even knew he existed.

Years later, I look back upon the experience as making me realise how awful a relationship could be (even one that looked superficially perfect!), versus the actual happiness of my life with DP (also husband to be!)

It will get better from here.

Whatisgoingonwithmylife Wed 27-Mar-19 22:26:03

Thanks all for replying! I’m managing to be really positive at points, but then descending into tears as I’m driving into work blush

spingiscomming Wed 27-Mar-19 23:19:32

I'm still upset - I still cry often - it's been 6 weeks - but I'm crying less often - the anger is growing and the sadness reducing.

It gets better!!

and this summer will be great!

Foreverlexicon Wed 27-Mar-19 23:50:28

Definitely.

I was hospitalised twice after my first heartbreak.

A friend said to me at the time ‘You will never hurt this much again,’ and it’s been very true. I’ve dealt with pain far more effectively ever since, even bereavements which should be worse really.

I’ve had further heartbreak but I’ve always known I’ll be okay.

Ella1980 Thu 28-Mar-19 00:19:54

Not sure. I split up with my first serious bf almost 20 years ago. He broke it off because I wanted commitment of some sort but he felt (and now I understand why) that he wanted to experience the big wide world before settling down.

We were together between the ages of 17 and 23 and inseperable. When I left for uni we were apart for six weeks but couldn't cope without each other so he moved up to be with me, found a job, and we got a little flat together. Life was great. Whilst most other students were living the "typical" student lifestyle, we were ridiculously content in our own little bubble.

When he decided that we should separate after I'd graduated I was beside myself. Even now, as an almost 40 yo woman I can still feel the heartbreak as I left our flat for the final time that day. It was crushing. I remember telling my mum I wanted to die and meant it. I wept non-stop for literally days.

But I do still wonder what could have been. Would a few years have made a difference? I'm still in touch with said first boyfriend. He's happy too and, although never married and never had children, in a long-term relationship.

I still feel sad it didn't work out and think that if I'm totally honest my marriage a few years later was on a bit of a rebound.

I'm now engaged and very happy following
my first horrifically abusive marriage. I'm learning slowly to trust again. Asides fron my current fiance I can honestly say I have only ever really loved two men and one of those was said first bf. There is something wonderful about such a fierce love with the freedom of youth. I'll never experience that again and there is a melancholy about that I think I'll feel forever.

VeryNaughtyAuntyLesley Thu 28-Mar-19 00:47:17

Open wine.....play music (for me C&W, but I realise not for everyone) and wallow..........cry, rail, but . Know this will be the worst you will ever feel for this piece of shit , Tomorrow will be great, but maybe with a wee hangover

babyfloof Thu 28-Mar-19 00:54:58

Depending on the length of the relationship it may take a year or more. The first year following a breakup it will be like "last Christmas we did this, or last summer we did that"

It's a bit like grief in that the first birthday or Christmas you think back to that person being there. Then the following year you have new traditions or memories.

Don't ever think that you should be over it in a month, or 6 months or a year. You will get over it but in your own time and don't let anyone tell you that "you should be over it by now". But do keep in mind if you are obsessing or it's holding you back from living your life you may want to.....I want to say seek help but that sounds patronising but hopefully you get what I'm saying

TheYoungOffendersMum Thu 28-Mar-19 01:20:20

I only ever grieved for a dead relationship for the first time when I was 23. It had been 8 amazing months and every prior relationship had only ever lasted three months tops. Even after ending up with someone else and becoming pregnant and marrying the guy, I still had an awful lot of dreams about the eight month guy.

I've felt it worse since then. But it's different sometimes and the eight month guy wasn't abusive unlike others after him. And we didn't have ties like kids or a mortgage or marriage.

TheYoungOffendersMum Thu 28-Mar-19 01:22:35

Aaaaand I've managed to miss half the point.

You're doing great. You sound happy. Let yourself cry sometimes. If you want someone else one day, find someone, don't be afraid to be happy. If you don't want to find someone, be happy too.

I hope I'm now with my forever after guy. We have a mortgage together and have moved heavens and earth to be together. I think this is the one which if it ended, it would also end me.

But then again I come through everything eventually, we all can. You will. X

LonelyTiredandLow Thu 28-Mar-19 02:03:47

I think you'll be fine - you sound as though you're already looking for the light.

You want to worry when you've had so many you don't want to go through the motions any more speaking from experience that's proper heartbreak accumulation that can last decades grin

mrbob Thu 28-Mar-19 02:52:42

Yes! I have been suicidal before... And now I am super happy and all good even though I thought it wasn’t possible.
Remember it isn’t linear so there will be ups and downs but eventually you will come good. And you have summer to look forward to with sunny days and lovely times

Time40 Thu 28-Mar-19 03:18:54

Yes, I promise you that it will get better.

Heartbreak about a relationship breakup is nothing - really and truly nothing - compared to some of the things that later life can throw at you. Enjoy being young enough to have only that to worry about. I know that will make no sense now, and you won't believe it, but truly, there are much worse things.

Whatisgoingonwithmylife Fri 29-Mar-19 22:54:31

I saw him today, out of the blue at a completely random place that I wouldn’t have expected him to be at. It absolutely floored me.

BlueSuffragette Fri 29-Mar-19 23:04:29

Took me 3 years to get over my first husband walking out. It floored me and I never saw it coming. I felt crushed. It was so hard to carry on. I am now married to a wonderful man who makes me feel that after many wonderful years together that the first breakup was perhaps a blessing. Really didn't feel that way at the time. I remember the good times and yet now enjoy my life so much more.

Whatisgoingonwithmylife Fri 29-Mar-19 23:21:32

Oh Blue, thanks for sharing your happy ending, it definitely helps smile

ifyoulikepinacolada Fri 29-Mar-19 23:22:34

OP you got through it though! Time helps. Time will help. Give it time.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: