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He should have got her a cab first (before his own)

(1000 Posts)
Jalila07 Wed 27-Mar-19 14:35:14

Hi, in a desperate attempt to find relief from Brexit, we’re here having lunch and discussing my friend’s date last weekend.

Ladies of MN, please may we put it to you for the casting vote as we’re in some disagreement. To cut a longish story short, the date had gone well until they were on Charing Cross Rd and his Uber came first so he got in it and just left my friend standing on the street!

Now he’s texting her to meet again. She’s inclined to not bother, I feel as if I agree with her, but two others here think she should give him another chance (citing excuses such as traffic, it’s hard for cabs to stop, etc).

WIBU? Shouldn’t he have called her a cab and seen her off before just sailing off into the night? By the way, we are all early 40s so she can’t be bothered messing about.

Thankyou in advance.

tennisracquet Thu 28-Mar-19 17:37:31

It was weird of her to watch him call an uber and then wait for it with him.

As soon as his phone was out I would have said thanks for a great night and goodbye.

I agree its a weird look for him to get in zoom off with her on the pavement. But she should have pulled the trigger on the parting earlier so as not to be in that situation.

cindersrella Thu 28-Mar-19 17:38:20

Why did she not call herself a cab when he ordered his?

I'm all for someone been a gentleman but we can also pick the phone up too.

Keener Thu 28-Mar-19 17:38:50

Uber Schuber. Christ what world do we live in? He should have seen she got off safely. People have very low expectations nowadays.

Or women don't have to perform pretty helplessness to elicit male protectiveness since they started having life options other than the marriage market?

Yb23487643 Thu 28-Mar-19 17:39:44

Would’ve been nice if he had option of waiting to make sure she was ok but Uber not like that, Charing cross road busy & not unsafe, & they’re in their 40s so probs past that naïveté stuff. So I’d give him another chance if she enjoyed the date. I’d expect him to have checked she got home ok & day sorry had to leave b4 her, I would toma date or a friend/colleague etc

Sb74 Thu 28-Mar-19 17:39:57

Some people are missing the point. It’s not all about be able to sort your own taxi to me it’s about romance and chilvary. When a man likes a woman he looks after her. Doesn’t matter what century we are in. Horse and cart or Uber. It’s human nature. To bugger off like that is rubbish when trying to impress a lady.

Keener Thu 28-Mar-19 17:40:47

I expect a man to be a gentleman and protect me. I expect them to look after me.He’s not been brought up right.

And who brought you up so badly that you need 'protection' from the world?

limitedperiodonly Thu 28-Mar-19 17:41:06

My mum is the one who raised me to be independent so I doubt she would bat an eyelid at sorting her own taxi!

So did mine. And my dad Sirzy. They are no longer available for consultation but I'm pretty sure they both would have said that if a man who wants to have a relationship with you cannot wait to see you off in a taxi, the bus or onto the correct slip road of the A40 then you should bin him.

Sirzy Thu 28-Mar-19 17:42:00

Surely when two people like each other they look after each other. It shouldn’t be a man/woman thing but a relationship thing.

theworldistoosmall Thu 28-Mar-19 17:43:15

Plus if we expect them to pay for all the food/drink/whatever cab too and from the date, realistically this would reduce the dating pool.

Sb74 Thu 28-Mar-19 17:43:22

These threads make me lose the will to live. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a man to be protective. I’m very independent but expect a man to be a gentleman when it suits me. That’s the beauty of being female. I feel sorry for younger generations where you’re not allowed to be a woman anymore.

SoHotADragonRetired Thu 28-Mar-19 17:43:33

Decent men know how to treat a woman

Yes, indeed - like an equal, who's as competent at everyday and basic life tasks as he is.

But it's pointless getting into a philosophical debate on this. If you want a 'gentleman' who is 'chivalrous' and are willing to put up with the infantilisation that goes along with that, fine, it's your life. OP is free to make not having a car sent for her a deal breaker if she wants. But she should be aware that this is very much a minority view in contemporary London, that she will be seriously limiting her available pool, and that many men will be quite taken aback at her expectations.

Kennehora Thu 28-Mar-19 17:43:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kennehora Thu 28-Mar-19 17:44:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nuxe1984 Thu 28-Mar-19 17:45:00

Charing Cross Road is in the middle of London near Trafalgar Square so very busy at all times of the day or night. And with plenty of cabs going by too (in fact I caught a cab there myself only last Friday!).

He arranged his cab by Uber and it arrived. Why didn't she do the same? If she had done and her cab had arrived first, would she have thought twice about getting in it and leaving him? Probably not.

This is called equality ….

SoHotADragonRetired Thu 28-Mar-19 17:45:14

I feel sorry for younger generations where you’re not allowed to be a woman anymore.

And I feel sorry for women who've been taught that the only way to be a woman is to accept and even enjoy being patronised, belittled, and constrained.

theworldistoosmall Thu 28-Mar-19 17:46:13

Surely the same could be same for the females though. If they like the man they could also pay and sort out transport.

IrenetheQuaint Thu 28-Mar-19 17:46:29

God, I hate men who are "protective" in the early dating stages. So patronising.

It is clear that the OP's friend and date guy are not well suited (though he sounds fine to me, perhaps I should ask for his details!).

youknowmedontyou Thu 28-Mar-19 17:46:49

NRTFT but @SoHotADragonRetired sum it up!!

FFS what happens if two women go out for a night and one cab turns up before the other.....

BlueSaphire Thu 28-Mar-19 17:46:55

@ Jalila07
So has the thread been helpful to your friend or is she more undecided than ever?confused

theworldistoosmall Thu 28-Mar-19 17:48:00

@youknowmedontyou - they approach the nearest man to ensure they have safe passage grin

Jalila07 Thu 28-Mar-19 17:48:42

I have repeatedly said that no woman I know struggles to get around independently. I think people are being obtuse about this to be honest. What we were talking about was dating behaviour and expectations, not negotiating transport in general life.

You can never be sure if a man will turn out to be a muppet or not, but the way I see it, you can take precautions by stsrting our with certain expectations in the first place. So many women seem to settle for some guy who says something like, “Oh meet me in the pub - your round”. All I can say is, if your DP or DH doesn’t bother to make you feel special, then who will? When you end up having his 4 kids, he won’t give you access to “his” money, or he expects you to rush back to work after 6 months and financially support them as well - as it’s all about “equality” after all - you might remember that all the signs were there from day one ie he always split the bill or nitpicked about that sort of thing. All the signs can be there. If you don’t want that kind of relationship, why go there?

Keener Thu 28-Mar-19 17:49:00

I feel sorry for younger generations where you’re not allowed to be a woman anymore.

If you open doors for yourself and pay in restaurants, you grow a beard and, if you recklessly insist on continuing to do it, chest hair as well. Fact.

Proudirishnotpaddy Thu 28-Mar-19 17:49:56

I don’t want a man to be protective. I can do that by myself thanks.

I’ve been independent for almost 15 years post divorce and, op, I can get myself to and from where I need to go without a man sending a car for me

It’s pure SENSIBLE when dating a relative stranger not to give them your address in case they turn out to be a murderer/stalker/rapist - and that goes the other way, the woman might be a stalker too.

burritofan Thu 28-Mar-19 17:50:01

Were my mother alive she'd be 73 and say one of the following–

Ooh, let's look at his house on Rightmove; he's probably a Tory though

What's an Uber? Is it like an Oyster?

Get off Mumsnet and do something useful

Sb74 Thu 28-Mar-19 17:50:24

Well dear. I never let anyone patronise me. I’m a fiesty woman. There’s nothing wrong with men being men and women being women in a relationship and having certain expectations in terms of love and consideration. If the world stopped being so obsessed at its right to be gender fluid or whatever etc it might just be able to get on better. I dread to think of what it will be like when my children are grownup. I hope they can experience love properly and not throw everything back in their partners face because they’re equal and should let them be independent or whatever. It’s a very sad world we are living in.

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