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Most embarrassing moment at work

(284 Posts)
HeidiBoo1984 Wed 27-Mar-19 13:06:45

I love embarrassing moment threads and I'm always embarrassing myself beyond belief at work.

I have endometriosis and it often sends my bowels wild. Our office toilets are basically just within the office, rooms rather than cubicles, and our office, which is more or less open plan with about 8 of us, it's a quiet environment so you can hear everything. Anyway, I've many a time been to the toilet for just a wee and then unexpectedly farted really loudly. I die inside and consider just getting my coat and going home! No one ever says anything, but they must hear!

Does anyone else have any embarrassing stories at work?

CaptainCabinets Wed 27-Mar-19 13:08:49

I used the patient loo when the staff one was being cleaned, didn’t realise the lock was dodgy. A patient strolled in as I was mid wee, I leapt off the toilet to shut the door and ripped my trousers all the way up the crotch.

Butteredghost Wed 27-Mar-19 13:17:23

I used our patient shower after our office had closed for the day as I was going out straight after work. The bathroom door isn't lockable for patient safety reasons but I was the only one there so that was fine.

Unfortunately the hospital security guard decided to come in to what he thought would be an empty office and use our toilet. I was totally nude drying myself when he walked in. blush

BlackSatinDancer Wed 27-Mar-19 13:25:27

When I was about 17 a colleague and I went out for lunchtime drinks with our boss and his boss. The big boss told a joke which I thought was really funny. I remember really crying with laughter, and, don't ask me why but I meant to say "That was beautiful" (Who would speak like that anyway?) and I said "I'm beautiful". blush
Cue the shocked silence.

Oh, the shame if it. Just thinking of it makes me cry with laughter again....then feel the embarrassment all over again. Oh no, I can feel my hysterical laughter coming out as I'm typing.

HeidiBoo1984 Wed 27-Mar-19 13:25:47

Ha h ha, these are funny!

HeidiBoo1984 Wed 27-Mar-19 13:27:23

@blacksatin, hilarious! What did they both do?!

username509999 Wed 27-Mar-19 13:29:04

I have also have had someone walk in on me using the loo at work . The lock wasn't broken I forgot to lock it confused
Also one time a chair broke while I was sat on it . That was v embarrassing . In my defence the chair was faulty grin

BlackSatinDancer Wed 27-Mar-19 13:34:33

Heidiboo1984 I can't remember anything beyond that stunned silence. (That may just be my brain being kind to me).

Ooooh, the hysteria is hitting me again. I'm crying with laughter. There's no emoji for that.

BlackSatinDancer Wed 27-Mar-19 13:59:32

Mine are usually to do with a work's do.

I remember at one Christmas afternoon do we had to walk across a snowy car park to get into this large two storey pub. We were all in stillettos and party dresses and we managed to get to the building but had to walk around to an entrance on the far side. We edged our way around, holding on to anything we could and then all of a sudden the metal drainpipe I was clinging to came off the wall and was just held on at the top of the building. A couple of people slipped to the floor. Some staff came out to see what the commotion was and I was several feet out still clinging on to the end of the drainpipe trying not to fall.

It's a grade 2 listed building! blush

Again my brain is very kind. I have no memory of what happened next but it couldn't be too bad as I've lived to tell the tale.

DennisSkinnersMolotov Wed 27-Mar-19 14:07:52

Boozy Christmas party, got up to leave, stumbled and landed hands first in our male MD's crotch blush

ScrewyMcScrewup Wed 27-Mar-19 14:09:25

Received an all-staff email with the Christmas party menu. Forwarded to my friend/colleague saying, "Oh joy, the veggie option is ravioli again. So much imagination!"

Sent it to all staff, of course.

IamPickleRick Wed 27-Mar-19 14:09:36

I have a horrific one but it’s extremely outing, and would absolutely end up in the Daily Mail. It’s a reply all mishap.

Chocolateisfab Wed 27-Mar-19 14:11:47

Our shop was having some refit bits done. Behind the line of tills was the cash hatch where pod of money were posted down. Workman had left a higher edge on it than previously. Male colleague tripped and grabbed the first thing to try and save himself.
Unfortunately it was my work trousers - left me standing there in a black thong. Luckily customers couldn't see for the counter but colleague was a fragile snowflake and he was mortified.

user1494055864 Wed 27-Mar-19 14:14:36

One of my first office jobs, there was a man who thought it would be funny to drop paperclips down the back of my trousers, as when I was sitting there was a slight gape in the back of my waistband. I didn't realise he was doing it, so as I turned round to see him crouching there, I farted in shock! Then much to my embarrassment, I went to the staff toilet and left silver paperclips in the bottom of the toilet bowl that must have dropped out of my trousers. They wouldn't flush.

DixieLandReject Wed 27-Mar-19 14:21:11

I had been at my previous job for six weeks when it was the works Christmas do. I had been dieting and stupidly only had a fruit salad for lunch before drinking that afternoon. I started on the wine and then have a massive blank from dinner onwards. I was informed the next day that, prior to falling asleep in my pasta, I’d called the big boss a boring bastard and told him to shut up, when he was trying to tell the group a story! Never been as embarrassed as going into work the following Monday blush

FenellaVelour Wed 27-Mar-19 14:22:17

The amount of times I’ve said “see you next Tuesday” to people...

My favourite though was when I went out on a duty visit (I’m a social worker) to a family, knocked, and their very sturdy and over-excitable Staffie came bundling out of the door, went straight under my dress, and then jumped up. Taking my dress with him.

I suppose flashing my knickers to the entire street, including the family I was visiting, broke the ice.

You’d think I’d have learned, too, but the exact same thing happened again a few years later, this time with a family I knew and had been working with. Again, a Staffie! They are my nemesis.

Hoppinggreen Wed 27-Mar-19 14:32:48

I had recently joined a new company and I went into a meeting with my new team.
Someone said something ( can’t remember exactly but was about something not working after 6) I loudly joked “ neither do we” and everyone just stopped at looked at me. After about 30 seconds ( felt like hours) the boss said “ ok, you can” I was baffled and just looked at her . After a few more seconds ( hours) she said “ would you like someone to show you where it is?” I still just looked at her confused.
“ the toilet, do you want someone to show you to the toilet “ I replied no, why did she think that?
Eventually we figured out that they had all heard “ need a wee” rather than “ neither do we” so my new team mates not only thought that I had inappropriately announced I needed the toilet but that I then just sat there
They took the piss out of me for years over that ( see what I did there)

Bluntness100 Wed 27-Mar-19 14:41:12

Oh god, I had to go collect something from a customers warehouse early one morning. I parked up and all the delivery vans, about fifty of them were ready to go and all lined up at the various hatch openings to the warehouse with all the men standing about drinking coffee.i was the only car in the car park and parked directly in front of them all.

I collected what I needed to, opened the boot of my estate car, and the wind grabbed the hem of my long circular skirt and literally blew it over my head, I felt it catch onto my hair clasp and for a moment thought what's that, before I realised it was my skirt.

I got a round of applause from the men, as it happened, and as I got in the car my boss said to me in shocked tones. Are you not wearing any knickers blunt?

I was wearing a thong and to him it has looked like I'd just mooned all the warehouse men, and it wasn't far off.

I was so mortified you wouldn't believe. I brazened it out though, after I fixed my skirt, I took a little bow due to th applause, and got in the car, but god I was dying inside.

DixieLandReject Wed 27-Mar-19 14:50:23

Hopping I’ve been crying with laughter for a good ten minutes at that thought grin

Imagine what the rest of the team thought when you just sat there having said “need a wee”?! shock

Amimissingsomethinghere Wed 27-Mar-19 15:04:15

Oh god I'm laughing out loud on the tube.

I started working at a new office. I needed to do a number 2. To my horror, it was massive and I couldn't flush it!!!!! Tried everything. Kept pulling the flush and the toilet started bloody over flowing.

To put it in context, it was a shared loo in a single room, shared between 5 of us. I just had blind panic... it was awful.

Left the loo and thank GOD no one saw me. About a half hour later, my colleague walks into the office and loudly announced, 'OMG the loo is disgusting, there is a massive turd and it's over flowing , what the hell..'

I just feigned horror and went to go and get the handyman to unblock it.


BlackSatinDancer Wed 27-Mar-19 15:13:33

Always carry a metal nail file in your bag for, ahem, chopping things up. wink

Funkyslippers Wed 27-Mar-19 15:19:13

It was my first day in a job in an open plan office. There was a plate of jam donuts to help yourself so I took one, bit into it, carried on happily eating it, but when I looked down 10 mins later realised I had jam all down my lovely white top. The bloody donut must have exploded when I bit into it blush

Hamandcrispsandwich Wed 27-Mar-19 15:19:15

I've walked in on almost all colleagues on the toilet at some point as loads of them don't like locking it. It reached a point where they all started shouting across the office 'I'm going to the toilet, ham. Don't come in' blush

Another one, I was sitting on a chair at my desk, when the phone rang. I answered it and as I did, my chair broke! Rather than falling off it, I fell 'in' it. I was all tangled up in it and everyone had to come and help me get up. The manager on the phone just heard me shout 'Oh, shit, help me' and my colleagues helping me, laughing and one even said 'Hams knickers are on show, i'm standing here to protect her privacy'

All privacy went out the window there, but thanks all the same grin

esmethemum Wed 27-Mar-19 15:23:21

HAHAHAHAHAHA now this is comedy gold. glitterball

Eliza9917 Wed 27-Mar-19 15:25:09

I had been dieting and stupidly only had a fruit salad for lunch before drinking that afternoon. I started on the wine

I've done this and the project manager has had to send me home in an Addison Lee car on their account.

Twice. At two different companies blush

Birdie6 Wed 27-Mar-19 15:26:52

In the hospital ward where I work, the staff had to use a toilet which was in the hallway - just a tiny WC , no entrance or anything. One of the staff had to go and do a Number Two one morning ......while she was in there, a doctor came along with a huge group of medical students - they all formed a crowd outside the toilet door and listened while the great man gave a talk.

My colleague had done a very smelly poo, and when she'd finished she opened the door of the toilet find herself being stared at by several dozen students who were smirking, holding their noses and rolling their eyes . She was so embarrassed that she staggered to the staff room and burst into tears.

After that we all signed a petition asking for a dedicated staff loo outside the ward - and we actually got it !

esmethemum Wed 27-Mar-19 15:30:11

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DixieLandReject Wed 27-Mar-19 15:30:37

Eliza what’s an Addison Lee car?

I woke up in a colleagues childs bed and thought where am I confused

Apparently I couldn’t even remember my passcode to my phone so they couldn’t ring my husband to come and pick me up, hence why I slept at a colleagues house blush

Jenasaurus Wed 27-Mar-19 15:40:18

On a shopping trip recently, I was handing over the cash for a purchase they cashier handed me my change and instead of saying thank you, I said I love you...I dont know where that came from, I was burning inside with embarrassment and scurried off.

KateGrey Wed 27-Mar-19 15:41:09

First day at a new job and I went to use the loo in reception. Locked the door to find the lock had jammed and was broken. An hour and a half later we managed to Jimmy the door open and take the whole handle off. Not the best first impression.

ScatteredMama82 Wed 27-Mar-19 15:42:54

This is hilarious. The 'need a wee' one made me cry with laughter!

I was visiting a supplier and they laid on a nice buffet lunch with little bottles of freshly squeezed OJ. I picked one up and shook it vigorously, unfortunately they had helpfully loosened all the lids first. It went ALL OVER the Managing Director sat to my right. It was on his laptop, and dripping off his nose! It was also all over my white blouse. The whole room sat there in silence and I just couldn't help hysterical laughter bursting out! Thankfully they all laughed too, once they realised I was laughing not crying.

Eliza9917 Wed 27-Mar-19 15:43:38

@DixieLandReject Its like uber (but been about for years) but posh executive cars paid for by companies for their top management.

Jenasaurus Wed 27-Mar-19 15:44:39

Another time, (last week in fact) I was on a training course with 3 managers, we arrived early and went to the local cafe for breakfast. I spotted a colleague arriving through the window which our table was directly opposite. I went outside to wave him in, promptly fell in a pot hole in front of the window and the table my managers were seated at! I hoped they hadn't seen but alas they came out to check I was OK, I wasn't hurt just mortified with embarrassment.

trinitybleu Wed 27-Mar-19 15:44:47

Hams chair anecdote just made me giggle out loud at my desk

TaMereAPoilDevantPrisu Wed 27-Mar-19 15:47:23

On a residential course, the canteen had dished up my favourite meal and when I saw there were some leftovers I went back for seconds. As I finished, the three kitchen staff came out for their own lunch. Which I'd just eaten in full view of everyone.

Jenasaurus Wed 27-Mar-19 15:47:30

Oh just remembered another one (seems like im always making a fool of myself!)..I was training up a new lady to cover me while I was away. It was her first day, she was a lovely lady, very polite, a little shy. All was quiet around us, I coughed and farted loudly! It was just the two of us so I couldnt stare hard at someone else, it was obviously me. Because we had only just met, it felt so much worse.

littlemeitslyn Wed 27-Mar-19 15:48:02

Iampickle why bother to mention it ???

mimibunz Wed 27-Mar-19 15:50:27

In the early days of work email I accidentally sent an email to our global address list asking how I should get the Executive Director to Barcelona. It was meant for a colleague who knew it was a multi destination trip. International staff started sending itineraries with imaginary airlines and flight times.

Jenasaurus Wed 27-Mar-19 15:50:46

Yet another one. I was in Bulgaria with my family, we went on an organised day out that ended in a visit to a restaurant. At the end of the meal a few us needed to use the toilet, so a queue formed outside the one door in the middle of the restaurant. My teenage son was behind me, I asked him to hold the door with his foot from the outside as it didnt lock properly. I was squatting over the seat as it looked a little grubby...he then decided to fling open the door and say "work those thighs" as all the people queueing got a glimpse of me hovering in a squat position over the seat...last one I will share smile

MsTSwift Wed 27-Mar-19 15:53:12

Had some lilies at home must have smelled them as was getting my coffee in the work kitchen and the senior partner looked at me in horror as I made small talk. He sort of pointed at his nose so I fled to the ladies basically my nose was bright orange with flipping pollen had got the tube in as well.

Boysey45 Wed 27-Mar-19 15:54:22

esmethemum. He was either messing about or was having some type of mental health breakdown.

TakenForSlanted Wed 27-Mar-19 15:57:09

Just recently, actually. Met senior client at an event. We're acquainted and get along but we're not mates.

Cue the obligatory air kiss greeting. He assumed two. I assumed three. I kissed him on the mouth as he was turning back to straight. blush

My boss was there and - after recovering from a near-fatal laughing fit - suggested I teach a class on client relationship management, seeing as I was obviously very close with my contacts.

DarlingNikita Wed 27-Mar-19 15:57:52

My boss (male) once walked in on me (female) in the loo.

I wasn't just doing a number one either <<silent Munch scream>>

When I was back at my desk, he apologised and then we Never Spoke Of It Again. It still haunts me though, two years and a bit on.

pink412 Wed 27-Mar-19 15:58:19

Working in an office one day. Go into another room to fix a issue and find two members of staff emmmm ... (I will let you fill in the rest). They were both not seeing anyone at the time and never spoke about it to me. But we all know what was happening

DixieLandReject Wed 27-Mar-19 16:01:04

Eliza ahh right, Public Sector doesn’t allow for such luxuries grin at least you went home in style!

Tighnabruaich Wed 27-Mar-19 16:02:49

Long ago when I was very young and shy, I had a huge crush on my boss. I was working on a project he had given me, when he came over, and bent over my shoulder to see what I was doing. I was so nervous and all of a tizz that he was so close that I must have forgotten to swallow. So when he pointed at something on the paper and said 'and what's this figure?' That when I opened my mouth to answer him a flood of unswallowed saliva fell out and on to the page. I must have blanked it out with terror and mortification, but I just remember wiping my sleeve across it and carrying on. We never mentioned it.

Dubbadubbadumdum Wed 27-Mar-19 16:05:16

Many years ago, I worked a call centre for a magazine publisher, truly the most boring and tedious work. A friend of mine worked at a desk across from me and we would chat via email in between calls. One day, I was feeling giddy, so I emailed "save me Jeebus" in a multicoloured font, in the biggest size I could. I got a reply from the HR manager for the entire, massive company, who happened to have the same name as my friend, to say that I had brightened her day but please don't abuse the company email system. grin

Eliza9917 Wed 27-Mar-19 16:09:26

@DixieLandReject Lolz, yeah, style grin

I had to make the 1st one pull over so I could have a wee at the side of the road. I couldn't get my trousers down quick enough so wee'd ll over them and into my boots.

After the 2nd one I woke up in the morning at the foot of the stairs in a pile of sick. My mum had just left me there. I got to work on time though and someone bought me a bacon roll grin

I'd never do things like that now though, of course shock

Eliza9917 Wed 27-Mar-19 16:11:23

My god I think we've got a winner. That's horrendous.

@Tighnabruaich Wed 27-Mar-19 16:02:49
Long ago when I was very young and shy, I had a huge crush on my boss. I was working on a project he had given me, when he came over, and bent over my shoulder to see what I was doing. I was so nervous and all of a tizz that he was so close that I must have forgotten to swallow. So when he pointed at something on the paper and said 'and what's this figure?' That when I opened my mouth to answer him a flood of unswallowed saliva fell out and on to the page. I must have blanked it out with terror and mortification, but I just remember wiping my sleeve across it and carrying on. We never mentioned it.

Carblover Wed 27-Mar-19 16:13:20

A few years ago at a staff xmas party
I was a little tipsy and had been too the loo, came out headed straight on to the dance floor doing my best moves thinking i was the dogs.... everyone clapping and cheering to find out at the end my skirt had been tucked in my knickers the whole time... I'm retired now but still get reminded at any oldies reunions
The other one was during an emergency crash call (think holby city) i was wearing scrubs and had a pair of bottoms a little large as never enough in the right sizes , as iran they fell down so i stepped out of them picked them up carried on running and no one batted an eyelid as i tore down the corridor hoping my bare arse (thong) was being covered by my top..... it wasnt!!!!

TallulahBetty Wed 27-Mar-19 16:17:37

OMG, these have me crying.

Mine (should NC for this, but fuck it):

I was working for an advertising agency on work experience/internship. I'd been given a project to do and had brought it in, having worked all week on it, in a poly pocket-type sleeve.

As I handed over my hard work to my boss, there was a huge curly pube sandwiched between the sleeve and the first page, right in the middle, no one could have missed it. I couldn't bring myself to ask for it back to dispose of said pube, so I just scurried off and threw myself out the window tried to avoid the boss for the rest of the month.

Jebuschristchocolatebar Wed 27-Mar-19 16:24:00

Worked on a document for my very old fashioned gentleman of a manager. Took it home to work and back in my bag the next day. Handed it to hi and about ten mins later he handed me back a green always ultra (unused in its wrapper) which was in the pages of the document. It must have been in my bag. I DIED

RussellSprout Wed 27-Mar-19 16:26:36

I just started a new job, and managed to get two people completely confused. It was not my first day there, as I work out of a different office, but support another office which it was my first time visiting.

This is despite the fact that person one picked me up from the train station and gave me a guided tour. I then an hour with person one going through their part of the business.

I later on had to send a very confidential email to person one and managed to somehow in my brain, transpose a completely different person whose name I did not even know, onto who I thought in my head was person one.

This second person had some similarities looks wise but they were not identical twins FFS. They even worked in a different part of the building!

I then went to person 2 and asked if they'd seen the email I sent. As they were replying, a small part of my brain began to think maybe it was not the same person but I was not sure and still thought it was probably person one. They asked to see the email, luckily (very luckily) I styled it out as I slowly became aware I was speaking to someone completely different. I think he realised.. but didn't say anything.

Then I went to the loos to do Edvard Munch's 'the scream'.

starsurge Wed 27-Mar-19 16:27:23

Not quite something that happened at work, but close enough.

Sometime last Thursday, I was on the phone with my broker for reasons, and out of sheer habit, ended the call with "love you, goodnight". Really looking forward to our next conversation/meeting. 🙄

RosaWaiting Wed 27-Mar-19 16:30:30

had to move some stuff when office was being redecorated

boss designated someone to help, a man I didn't know well.

I went to his bit of the office and said "right, so you and I need to find a cupboard". blush

BluebellCockleshell123 Wed 27-Mar-19 16:30:58

We had an external company in to give us some training in a small training room. I was the only female.

I picked up my bag upside down and everything fell out. I had stayed ay my boyfriend's the night before and it turned out that the only contents of my bag were

1) tampons
2) condoms
3) knickers

3 of my male colleagues were crawling on the floor to retrieve the tampons that had rolled to every corner of the room. There was open hilarity and I was pretty much hysterical through embarrassed laughter.

One of my colleagues returned a tampon to me several hours later when I was back at my desk as he "didn't know that else to do with it "!!!!

They still talk about it nearly 20 years later.

ToastyFingers Wed 27-Mar-19 16:32:27

I called a large hairy male customer 'princess' last week. In my defence, my two little DDs like it and I was very tired.

FrozenMargarita17 Wed 27-Mar-19 16:32:56

I used to work somewhere really hot and I had STUPIDLY worn a silky shirt which then had massive sweat patches. Someone walked in on me drying my pits under the hand dryer - I was in such a weird position hahaha. I cringe to this day.

BreconBeBuggered Wed 27-Mar-19 16:37:05

Toasty grin

Myextensionisgivingmeaheadache Wed 27-Mar-19 16:37:26

I am absolutely dying at these. So so funny.

Well done and keep it up.

Hoppinggreen Wed 27-Mar-19 16:39:26

Glad my “need a wee” story amused
Same company, been there a few years by now
Big boss from America comes over and we are standing at the buffet making small,talk. All of a sudden he holds out a sandwich towards me and says “what do you think is in this one?” For some reason I took a big bite out of it, leaving him with half a sandwich in his hand and a look of horror on his face. I instantly realised what I had done but managed to swallow it and squeak out “ham”
He walked off and never spoke to me again.
I did survive 3 rounds of redundancy at that company though, they probably just kept me as some sort of jester to amuse people at meetings!

StarlaP Wed 27-Mar-19 16:42:55

After staying home for ten years raising my kids I managed to get a short term position with a small local security company doing admin to ease me back into the workplace whilst I looked for something permanent. On my first day they were holding a meeting which the boss asked me to sit in on to get a feel for the business and learn a bit about what they do. They were only a small team of 5, but even so I felt very intimidated. The boss asked who would like to lead the meeting, cue awkward silences around the table.. it obviously wasn’t a popular job. I thought it would be an ice breaker to loudly proclaim ‘I’ll do it!’ The boss didn’t appreciate my attempt at humour but the remaining team members collapsed into hysterics, one guy even snorted snot out all onto his paperwork. I was immediately appalled at myself and couldn’t believe I’d done it.

Another time I went to a club opening with some friends to show support for our acquaintance who’s club it was. I also happened to find him rather attractive. Early on in the night i needed to go the loo, and did a massive number 2 and I was mortified when I flushed but it just filled the toilet up with water and my poo was floating around on top. I faffed a bit trying to fix it and couldn’t so I attempted to flee the scene.. when I opened the door he was just walking in with a plunger. He apologised to me for coming in there and said he’d just had a report than a toilet was blocked, and went to the one next to mine. I was a bit relieved and said something about not being able to use the one I’d just come out of as it was also blocked and tried to scurry away quickly.. then my mate walked in the loos and insisted on helping him unblock them before the club filled up properly so I just stood there while my mate and the bloke I fancied attacked the bog id just blocked up while my giant poo kept nudging into their (gloved) hands and my mate kept loudly complaining about people being dirty bastards. I’ve never wanted to die more!

floribunda18 Wed 27-Mar-19 16:43:06

I bet he loved it too really, Toasty.

RunSweatLaughAndLatte Wed 27-Mar-19 16:44:28

Omg HoppingGreen, that is hilarious!!! That's the sort of thing I would do grin

Thanks MN, been feeling horrendously ill today and this has brought light to my day!

Mildmanneredmum Wed 27-Mar-19 16:45:21

My colleague used to scoot about on his office chair (they were all on wheels) to talk to other colleagues at their desks. I thought he looked really cool doing it, so tried it myself, scooted to the next desk, only a wheel got caught somehow and I ended up being tipped into the waste paper bin. Everyone just stared.....

sam221 Wed 27-Mar-19 16:48:08

Some of these are hilarious! I have a habit of falling over every so often and am skilled at picking myself and scuttling away. Anyway one occasion a few years ago, I had a client meeting in a 'nice' restaurant- as i was walking across to get to our table, i fell in front of everyone. I wanted to the earth to open up and drag me in. I was helped up and fussed over-which made it worse!

MaMisled Wed 27-Mar-19 16:50:04

I started work in a very plush nursing home. First day, my photo was on front page of local paper, a pile of which were sitting on reception table. I'd been unwittingly involved in a car theft!(genuinely had no idea new bf had stolen it!). Not one person noticed! Phew!

I bled all over a new pale blue chair, (ghastly period) first night shift of another new job. Scrubbed it in a dim light. Next morning at handover I could see I hadn't done a very good job! Everyone avoided it and it was excruciating. I never owned up!

TallulahBetty Wed 27-Mar-19 16:50:42

...I ended up being tipped into the waste paper bin

stop, stop...i can't take any more <wipes tears away> gringringrin

haverhill Wed 27-Mar-19 16:51:55

Recently I started using baby powder instead of dry shampoo on a friend’s advice. A few weeks ago I got some funny looks in the staff kitchen whilst getting my morning coffee. It wasn’t until later I realised I’d forgotten to brush it out and had drifts of white powder all over my head.

XXcstatic Wed 27-Mar-19 16:57:11

Have probably posted this before, but I used to work for a company with a paging system that was broadcast throughout the building - like the ones they have on TV US hospital dramas - 'paging Dr X' etc.

A new guy started, his mate rang on his office phone (pre-mobile era) to ask how it was going. New guy launches into a no-holds barred description of everyone in the office, how much he fancies his secretary, exactly why his boss is an arse. Unfortunately, he'd pressed the wrong button and the whole lot was broadcast throughout the building. And, as he was new, not many people recognised his voice, so no one could find him to warn him.

He was transferred to another branch within the month grin

FookMeFookYou Wed 27-Mar-19 17:00:42

I used to work in retail years ago and we sold shoes among other things. One day this guy came in with his wife and kids and said "I was wondering if you sold larger size shoes here, I'm a size 13 and can't get them anywhere" (this was before the days of big n tall being easily catered for) so my colleague said "no sorry we only go up to a size 12". That should have been that, bye bye Mr Big feet. But no they stick around and he went on for around 5 mins about his size 13 feet. After they eventually left I turned my back and said loudly to my colleagues "I think we all know why he was going on about his size 13's" nudge nudge wink wink and my colleagues just stared at me and nodded towards the door. The guy had returned because his kid had left something behind. I WAS MORTIFIED blush Luckily he saw the funny side and laughed it off. Thankfully he didn't ask to speak to the manager on duty... because it was me!!

sirmione16 Wed 27-Mar-19 17:01:38

Pregnant. Producing extra saliva (a symptom no one mentions!) friend came into work with her lovely dog, I bent over and starting baby talking to the dog, dribbled down all over the dogs head. Visibly. Had to slurp and wipe my mouth and tried to laugh it off. She wiped the dogs head trying to make it look like she was just patting him. Kill me now.

Cheeseandapple Wed 27-Mar-19 17:02:43

I worked in an open plan office. Took a call that needed to transfer to a colleague so just stood up at my desk and flailed my arms about to get their attention and see if they wanted to take the call. When I sat down I realised the buttons on my shirt had all popped open and I'd been standing there basically just in my bra.

At another job some coeagues had just told me how nice my trousers were and I went on about how I only buy work trousers at zara as know they're good quality. Next thing I did was bend over to pick something off the floor and my trousers ripped from the zip all the way round to the other side. It was first thing in the morning and I had to borrow gym shorts for the rest of the day...

Knittedfairies Wed 27-Mar-19 17:24:31

I was in a pub a few years ago and needed to visit the Ladies. I think the place was last refurbished when God were a lad so the cistern was one of those high up types with a chain. I may have yanked the chain too hard and pulled the cistern away from the wall, resulting in a shower of water spilling onto the floor. I 'fessed up at the bar, before returning to my table, slightly damp.

poorbuthappy Wed 27-Mar-19 17:25:05

A customer rang whilst the office were in the middle of talking about their project - so yes I actually said to the customer, we are having a mass debate about this now...

Justonemorepancake Wed 27-Mar-19 17:29:54

Wasn't me but I gleefully remember someone sending round a meme of a picture of David Dickinson with 'bargain Cunt' writ large underneath. Can't even remember the context. But he sent it to the whole company instead of a singular person. A company with hundreds of employees with offices globally. I was crying with laughter as he pegged it to IT's desk (next to mine) to see if he could 'cancel' it. He could not. It had repurcussions for weeks but he kept his job.

Justonemorepancake Wed 27-Mar-19 17:30:16

(He was an a*hole so hence the glee)

SimonJT Wed 27-Mar-19 17:38:15

Took my ex boyfriend to a work do at my previous place of work, I hadn’t seen him for a month as he had been on tour, the do was in a hotel and virtually all of us stayed the night. I had only been there three weeks so it was a good chance to get to know my new colleagues.

When you’re a bit drunk you have less inhibitions and have no idea about how much noise you’re making when you’ve gone for an ‘early night’.

At breakfast we were sat at room tables, the occupants at the tables next to us seemed very tired, didn’t think anything of it. One side was my line manager, the otherside was the CEO.

We went back up to our room to pack, we then realised we could hear the entire conversation going on in the room next door, and the slightest noise in the hallway. It then dawned on us why our neighbours at breakfast were so tired, I’m quite shy so I was mortified, my ex boyfriend is not at all shy and started making really loud sex noises.

Partners then went home and colleagues did team building activities, it was very very awkward.

Pieceofpurplesky Wed 27-Mar-19 17:45:50

These are fabulous

iklboo Wed 27-Mar-19 17:48:18

I'd been doing some work at home and had brought the files back in. I was also going out with my friend and staying at hers overnight so I'd put the files in my bag with my going out gear.

Hot boss asked for the file. I fished it out and handed it to him. Complete with my lacy black knickers attached to the paper clip.

PRoseLegend Wed 27-Mar-19 17:51:31

9 weeks pregnant, first baby, new job.
Arrived at work and needed to vomit.
Unfortunately that morning my body decided to do a mass exodus of all bodily fluids, so I not only vomited my breakfast, but wet myself badly too. My skirt was soake

OhDiddums Wed 27-Mar-19 17:54:42

I had not long started my first proper job. Generally I would wear trousers or leggings and this particular day I decided to wear a skirt. Think male dominated job. Was talking to my boss and another member off staff they commented on my skirt and my boss lerched joked and said 'give us a twirl love' my reaction 'fuck off so and so'. Totally forgot where I was. On the positive he never commented on what I wore again.

PRoseLegend Wed 27-Mar-19 17:54:59

Oops, phone slipped and I hit send. Typing while feeding!

As I was saying, my skirt was soaked through, and I even got wee on my shoes.
I was mortified, I told everyone I was feeling sick and thought I had a tummy bug, called DH to come pick me up.
After that day people started asking if I was pregnant.

knitandpearl Wed 27-Mar-19 17:57:21

@TallulahBetty have you posted that on another forum? I've definitely read the same story and in fact had it in mind as I was reading these until I got to your post! Can only think it was the SH b forum...

MsTSwift Wed 27-Mar-19 18:21:33

I was mid pregnancy and had a day I went slightly mad. I read a joke in a work newsletter wasn’t that funny but I literally couldn’t stop laughing. Had to sit in the loos but it wouldn’t stop. Ended up going home in a cab still laughing

SurgeHopper Wed 27-Mar-19 18:52:36

God ive loads, reply all fuck ups, giving away grants at the drop of a hat etc, inadvertently said the boss is a slut etc etc

SurgeHopper Wed 27-Mar-19 18:53:37

Hot boss asked for the file. I fished it out and handed it to him. Complete with my lacy black knickers attached to the paper clip.


At least they weren't the granny pants

SurgeHopper Wed 27-Mar-19 19:12:55

I bent over and starting baby talking to the dog, dribbled down all over the dogs head. Visibly.


On floor 🤣

Isth Wed 27-Mar-19 19:18:12

I got shitfaced on a work weekend away (fresh out of an abusive relationship and my drinking was a touch out of hand for a while). Threw up quite dramatically just outside the lodge we were staying in, stripped and dived into the hot tub (I’m a mermaid!!) and then fell down the stairs, severely damaged my kneecap and dented the plaster blush
I apologised profusely but I was relatively lucky. Most of the others thought it was hilarious but one bitch I work with still brings it up now to be snide, it was over 5 years ago 🤦🏼‍♀️

CatsMother66 Wed 27-Mar-19 19:18:22

I was working nights with a male colleague and had my period. We were driving around and I had a flood which saturated the front passenger seat. When we went back to base for a break I got out of the seat and the stain was huge! As it was dark it wasn’t obvious that it was blood. My colleague saw it and straight away said “what’s that?” As he put his fingers in it and put them up to his nose!!!!
I didn’t own up and spend my break scrubbing it off. Luckily it all came off and no one was the wiser at work!

lalasmum11 Wed 27-Mar-19 19:20:55

I was sitting at my desk in the middle of a large open plan office, I sat separately to the rest of the floor as was on an international team and the rest were dealing in local business ( different language). Was on a
Phone meeting in English and swinging back and the back came completely off and I landed on my backside with the rest of the chair flying across the floor. Mortified!

TallulahBetty Wed 27-Mar-19 19:35:39

@knitandpearl I dont think so, it happened 15 years ago tho so maybe! Trying to think what other forums I have used over he years.. what is SH b?

candlefloozy Wed 27-Mar-19 19:40:32

Works Christmas do. New to the job. Sat next to my new boss. He said he enjoyed his meal but was still hungry. I offered him my left overs. Not sure why blushblushblush

36degrees Wed 27-Mar-19 19:55:30

An external colleague was having his last day of work on our project and went in for a hug at the end of our (off-site) meeting, but I don't do hugging and had a huge internal panic, misjudged how tall he was and ended up touching his bum. I was so mortified I couldn't go back to the office, and ended up having to go home on a flexi.

buzzbobbly Wed 27-Mar-19 19:56:50

Many years ago I was blowing some tippex dry. I also have quite dark skin.

Apparently my nose got a little too close to the paper without me realising and I got a good way round the large office and several conversations in looking like a fucking white-nosed clown, before a kind colleague finally told me.

BlackSatinDancer Wed 27-Mar-19 20:00:26

Hoppinggreen's post about the American boss holding out a sandwich which she took a bite of just reminded me of something but it wasn't at work.

Years ago we had to go to church for 6 months so that I could get married outside my parish. It was a High church of England. Me and DH were just eating our sweeties and looking into each others eyes and not taking notice of what was going on.
I realised later, to my shame, that we were asked to shake hands and say hello to the person next to us. I wasn't listening and just became aware a lady said hello to me. I didn't know what to do but saw she had a hymn book in her hand and thought she was giving it to me. I reached out to take it. I remember there being a bit of resistance so I tugged until I took it from her. I still remember the shock on her face. The minister then said how we'd now become friends now that we'd introduced ourselves and the penny dropped. Oh, the shame of it.

buzzbobbly Wed 27-Mar-19 20:10:00

I am doing proper Muttley laughing at the "need a wee"; the saliva in front of the hot boss posts and the poo in the club one.


CeeCeeEnnEss Wed 27-Mar-19 20:17:10

The ham sandwich has had me doubled over, so funny!

TixieLix Wed 27-Mar-19 20:20:30

Me and four other global colleagues were on a Skype conference call. One overseas colleague joined the call and her webcam connected automatically. Despite one of us quietly messaging her to say her camera was on, she didn't turn it off. We were doing a 'round robin' taking turns to update the others on what we were working on. Video colleague didn't want to miss her turn so took her laptop with her....when she went to the loo. Took it in to the cubicle too so everyone else got to witness her doing her business. Never to this day has anyone told her and hopefully she's still blissfully ignorant of what she did. So fuck off tabloid newspapers if you're picking up this thread because I don't want her knowing now!

SpamChaudFroid Wed 27-Mar-19 20:51:49

I love these grin

I really fancied my boss and went into work one day with a bad cold and a sinus infection. Boss said something funny and I snorted with laughter and fluorescent snot all down the front of my black jacket.

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