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It’s MY decision as a parent NOT the schools

(395 Posts)
IfeelSoIll Wed 27-Mar-19 12:34:21

I’m really quite angry
My dd (secondary school) has been unwell quite a bit lately, some very nasty viral illnesses. Been to gp and nothing underlying just bad luck it seems.

Anyway, yet again she returned yesterday feeling grim so had an early night but barely slept this morning throat was horrendously red and sore. Very congested and extremely nasty runny nose.
Generally tired and achy but no temperature.

School have called and told us bring her in. That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home. That in future if she’s ill to get her up and send her in and they will then decide.

AIBU to think that it’s cruel to send a visibly very unwell child to school just to prove who makes the decision about whether they are well enough to be in or not ?

uknownothingjonsnow Wed 27-Mar-19 12:36:46

No YANBU! I can't believe they called you and told you to take her in?? How long has she been off for? Not that that matters.....if you feel she is too ill to go in then you don't have to send her!

mbosnz Wed 27-Mar-19 12:36:55

I totally agree. How dare they?! I'm sorry, but that is a parental/guardianship right and responsibility - they are WELL overstepping the mark!

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Wed 27-Mar-19 12:37:02

That THEY will keep her there and administer paracetamol and they will decide if she needs to go home.

Any you've given written permission for the administration of drugs?

frasersmummy Wed 27-Mar-19 12:37:23

That sounds like massive overstepping of the mark by the school

is her attendance really really bad? or are the school under pressure from local authorities to tighten up on absence?

IvanaPee Wed 27-Mar-19 12:37:41

I don’t know how parents in the UK cope with the nanny-state school system!

So no, YANBU!

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Wed 27-Mar-19 12:38:13

I suppose the bigger question is : what is her attendance like ? isshe below 95% or edging to 90%. What do you prefer , school or the EWO ?

Prequelle Wed 27-Mar-19 12:38:43

I'm sure other parents would like to know that they're risking an infection spreading

NaughtToThreeSadOnions Wed 27-Mar-19 12:38:46

Wasn't there a thread reasently about someones daughter being ill and given parocetomol and the mother was told thry couldn't taje child home?

GCAcademic Wed 27-Mar-19 12:39:06

Presumably you told them to fuck off?

RomanyQueen1 Wed 27-Mar-19 12:39:57

Unfortunately schools are judged by absences, that's not your problem though. If she is ill, keep her off and tell school she is ill and if they want to send a welfare officer round, you have nothing to hide.

IfeelSoIll Wed 27-Mar-19 12:39:59

Attendance is below the expected standards now due to all the viral illnesses and infections. It’s 89%
Have had a few appts too bloods was one to check iron levels etc as been unwell a lot

The school have said unless she has a v high temp or d+v they expect her in and they will make the decision not us

GerryblewuptheER Wed 27-Mar-19 12:40:49

Erm its school not prison.


FriarTuck Wed 27-Mar-19 12:41:19

It sounds like they think she's taking the piss with the amount of time off she's had and that they don't believe that she's ill enough to stay home. Whether they're right isn't for us to say but maybe you'd be better off having a civilised conversation with them along those lines to establish why they're taking their view.

IfeelSoIll Wed 27-Mar-19 12:41:28

I actually thought we have been doing our best many times she has been in not that well with painkillers difflam spray etc but some days like today she’s really really too unwell it’s not a decision we take lightly.

ScrewyMcScrewup Wed 27-Mar-19 12:41:42

Ridiculous. I understand schools are under external pressure to keep attendance high but they need to push back, not push it on to sick kids and their parents.

I'd just repeat calmly that you are her parent and you judge her too ill for school. In writing. Let them send an EWO and try to defend what they're asking.

melissasummerfield Wed 27-Mar-19 12:41:48

I would have hung up the phone at that point, how dare they!

IfeelSoIll Wed 27-Mar-19 12:42:28

They sent a letter a few months ago about illness just that in life you have to basically push through sometimes and they expect pupils in

Gruzinkerbell1 Wed 27-Mar-19 12:42:56

Ask them to confirm that in writing, then go to the govenors.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Wed 27-Mar-19 12:43:05

They're calling at gone noon? I wouldn't bother for a couple of hours. You are going to have the EWO though, and you havent sought medical advice. Gonna be a difficult one to justify to the LA

AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo Wed 27-Mar-19 12:43:05

With you, IvanaPee. The fetishisation of i) attendance and ii) uniform look utterly bonkers from outside.

OP, I would be requesting tthe school put that in writing and would reply, CCing the EWO and the LA, stating that of course you, as a responsible parent, will be making the decisions as to whether your daughter is well enough to attend.

Heismyopendoor Wed 27-Mar-19 12:43:59

Tell them to do one. It’s not up for discussion. You are the parent and you decide if your child is too ill for school.


BarbarianMum Wed 27-Mar-19 12:44:08

Im hugely supportive of my children's school but Id tell them to fuck off (well not literally but that'd be the jist) if they tried that. Health first, education second. YANBU

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis Wed 27-Mar-19 12:44:31

The reason schools behave like this is because they are under the kosh to improve attendance across the board against utterly unrealistic targets and simultaneously, a whole bunch of feckless and/or entitled parents take the piss.

You are neither, I hope, OP, so I would ring up and ask to speak to the Head of Year, not someone on the reception desk who has been given thankless task of chasing attendance. I would follow up with an email too.

Lougle Wed 27-Mar-19 12:45:01

When DD2 had to have serial blood tests, when she was 5, I used to take her over to the hospital blood service for opening time, so that I could get her to school on time. Is that an option for you, so that she doesn't miss school on these days?

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