Advanced search

To expect my husband to be able to look after our baby for an hour?

(82 Posts)
CustardCreamLover Tue 26-Mar-19 19:52:28

I tutor online. An hour at a time. Today it was my husband who had to look after the baby. Recently it's been more often his mother. I had to stop my lesson after 40 minutes because he couldn't stop the baby from screaming. The second I took him off him he stopped. Was it the baby or my husband causing the issue here? I think it's my husband. The baby is fine with his mother. I' pissed off but I don't know if I should be??

CustardCreamLover Wed 27-Mar-19 00:06:59

Ok, thanks ladies. Seems like a combination of baby wanting onkynme and him being unconfident. I'll leave a feed and perhapsnask him to go for a walk next time. He does always sleep as soon as the pram gets going!

Ihatehashtags Wed 27-Mar-19 04:58:08

Why are so many husbands so fing useless!!! I just can’t cope with the number of pathetic men around

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Wed 27-Mar-19 05:05:44

Terrible advice for him to take the baby out in a pram, unless you know this is a sure fire way to soothe him / her. Sure you won't be able to hear the baby cry but nine weeks old is far too young to be left to cry.

Soinds like the baby just isn't ready for you to be going back to work yet. Is it essential that you start work again so soon?

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Wed 27-Mar-19 05:08:27

I also think a lot of you are being unnecessarily harsh on men for not being able to soothe a baby because they aren't it's mother. If you've chosen as a couple that he will go back to work I think it's a bit bloody rich to also expect him to have equally bonded with the baby and be as efficient at soothing it. Especially without boobs for and EBF baby.

my2bundles Wed 27-Mar-19 05:18:05

My son at 9 weeks went thro a stage of cluster feeding. They are still so young at this age and if he is not used to your Dh of couse he will want the comfort of you. You could try leaving something that smells like you, eg a tshirt so tbe smell can comfort the baby. It will get easier as your baby gets older but right now it's completely natural for BF babies to just want their mother. Your Dh must be upset by your baby's reaction aswell.

Ihatehashtags Wed 27-Mar-19 06:11:03

@babydarling it’s 1 hr!!!!! One bloody hour!!! Anyone can do that. The dog could do that!!!

HalyardHitch Wed 27-Mar-19 06:16:17

I had one child that would soothe for DH and one that would scream blue murder until I took him back until he was six months old. I think MN is unnecessarily harsh on men

Cheby Wed 27-Mar-19 06:25:09

Your husband needs to spend more 1:1 time with the baby, if he’s going to be doing this in future. I’d suggest getting a sling and to get baby used to being in it with dad after a feed. Then when you’re working it will feel familiar and comfortable for the baby. Not many tiny ones can resist settling on a walk in a sling.

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Wed 27-Mar-19 06:32:06

@ihatehashtags what a stupid thing to say.

CustardCreamLover Wed 27-Mar-19 06:32:32

Yes I do need to work. It's 2 hours a week so realistically it shouldn't be a problem. His mum has no issues I think she's a lot calmer with him and my husband tends to panic as soon as the baby so much as squeaks. The pram always always calms him down. My husband works but does shifts so he works one day then has 2 days off so has plenty of time for bonding with his son.

Ceebs85 Wed 27-Mar-19 06:53:27

Probably not his fault that baby wouldn't stop crying. Babies aren't reasonable and at 9 weeks probably just wondered hwere his mummy had gone. However what he did to try to stop the crying is important. He can still comfort, take outside, stick in the car for a drive and if it were me I'd have tried everything to not to have to disturb you.

Even though baby will just want you at times, it doesn't mean he should just be handing over any time he cries! Tell him to deal with it a bit more

my2bundles Wed 27-Mar-19 08:04:32

Next time maybe encourage him to take baby for a walk and pop a tshirt you have been wearing in tne pram as a comfortable I hope things calm down.

BertieBotts Wed 27-Mar-19 08:08:14

He needs more practice. Sometimes babies do cry, if he doesn't have the option to hand him back then he will have to figure out ways to comfort him. If he never tries to comfort the baby he won't develop those skills.

I'm sure the baby cried for you when he was first born but you had to work out ways to calm him. Suggest he googles ways to calm a crying baby so he has some things to try out if he gets panicked in the moment?

Skittlesss Wed 27-Mar-19 08:32:39

Do you do everything for baby even when DH is home? After 9 weeks, DH shouldn’t be panicking if the baby makes a noise. He should be able to look after baby by now. Next time leave some milk in a bottle for them to use.

DontFundHate Wed 27-Mar-19 08:45:43

Sorry I agree with some of the others, a 9 week old just wants mum sometimes. Still very very little. Perhaps dh could take baby for a walk instead? Things will get easier

BertieBotts Wed 27-Mar-19 08:58:32

A 9 week old just wants the person they are attached to - not necessarily mum. It's a big problem, IME, if Dad is around but is reluctant to step into that role. At 9 weeks it doesn't feel like a big problem but by the time you get to 9 months it is exhausting to effectively be the only "real" parent. That is why it is important to nip it in the bud now and get dad to really focus on building that attachment so that he can also settle the baby. Doesn't mean they will never have mummy days but helps a lot.

CustardCreamLover Wed 27-Mar-19 09:05:03

I'm.definitely going to start encouraging him to spend more time with him even when I'm here. In fact I've only left him once so far with the baby and even then my mum was here! I have a masters thesis to write so he's going to have to at some point anyway! He's very much a man's man so has this thing where the baby wants only mum and when he's older he'll start being a daddy's boy. It's quite sad really because he's going to miss out on the little baby time which when he isn't screaming is really lovely!

MustStopSnacking28 Wed 27-Mar-19 09:09:10

I think a sling would be your friend here, the baby will probably sleep (hopefully!) and will be close to your husband which might help him get more used to being on someone other than you. Also it’s so snuggly for your husband to have him, it might help him he a bit more confident with soothing baby.

Skittlesss Wed 27-Mar-19 09:12:53

Oh no, definitely get him started now. When he’s home from work then he needs to be hands on and bonding with baby.

Get it sorted, I’m doing a master’s also and know you bloody need to get your head down when doing your work/thesis. star

GreatDuckCookery6211 Wed 27-Mar-19 09:17:34

Start leaving the baby with DH while you go for a bath or something. He needs to build his confidence that he can soothe the baby.
9 weeks is very young and ime they do usually just want their mum but from what you’ve said DH sounds like he didn’t try very hard.

Spudina Wed 27-Mar-19 09:22:36

A sling is a good idea. When DD1 was a baby I literally couldn't settle her without breastfeeding her (I was crap in many ways) so DH did all the settling when he was home if she had already been fed. He was great at it. Also, I think taking them about for a walk and changing the scenery helps too. He is just going to have to work out what works for him. DD1 was strangely soothed by DHs gaming. Handing the baby to you every time is going to make the problem worse.

Glomerulus Wed 27-Mar-19 09:24:00

Don't let people guilt you into thinking you can't spend an hour away from your baby. The amount of emotional blackmail piled on new mothers is really quite something...

Yes babies need their mothers and yes breastfeeding takes a lot of time at 9 weeks especially, but this shouldn't stop your husband making an effort. At 9 weeks my DH regularly took both DCs out for an hour so I could grab a shower, a coffee and feel a bit more human before the next round of feeding began. Your DH should be able to do that for you, whether it's for work or to give you a regular break.

If the baby likes the pram then that's great, if not maybe he could try a sling.

As others have said, it gets a lot easier at 3 months but hang in there flowers

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Wed 27-Mar-19 09:24:56

Nine weeks is really early to leave an EBF baby in my opinion. Even with their dad. It sounds like you think he deliberately made the baby cry? I'm sure he was hating to hear it cry as much as you. People are acting like soothing a crying baby is then simplest thing the world, just Google how to do it! It's actually ridiculous. They're not a tamagotchi.

coffeecoffeecofffee Wed 27-Mar-19 09:27:54

He sounds useless. Sorry OP but having a baby means you're both parents- yes, maybe it would have been a good idea to express a little extra before hand but my partner would just take the baby out for a walk/drive🤷🏻‍♀️

It was only 20 mins left anyway! Baby may have calmed down within ten and fallen asleep if he'd actually tried.

SnuggyBuggy Wed 27-Mar-19 09:30:00

I remember my DH being a bit like this when DD was at the boob monster stage. It gets easier when they are more easily distracted and played with but I would second the advice to get a sling and get him to go for a walk with the baby.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »