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To say I didn't want to go?

(148 Posts)
Myusernameisunique Tue 26-Mar-19 12:20:08

Bit 1st world problem really but just wanted others opinion on this.
DH working on Sunday, mother's Day. Absolutely not an issue for me at all. I planned to go swimming with DCs and then take them for ice-cream or maybe MacDonalds or similar. Quick and easy, stress free for me!
DH sends me a message today saying to make sure I'm free between 12-2. I messaged back that I planned to go swimming and to remind him he's working (he's extremely forgetful). DH then calls to say he's arranged that myself and the DCs are going for high tea at a pub I worked in a while back. He's sorted taxi there and back as well. I drive so I think it was to allow me to have a drink but I wouldn't bother if I was in my own with two DCs.
I told DH that the high teas in this place aren't very nice plus you get absolutely loads of food which I know from working there and also I don't really want to have a sit-down meal with DCs (3 and 8) in a restaurant as it's quite stressful. Smallest DC especially can get quite fed up and just generally be a nightmare so it's something I'd rather avoid dealing with alone they also normally need to use the toilet every 5 minutes when we're out so id just end up traipsing back and forward to the loo the whole time. When it's all 4 of us you it's easier managed but it's not the chilled out day I'd imagined. I said it was a lovely thought but maybe not such a great idea for the above reasons!
DH then got angry and has basically wentin a huff with me.
I totally see why he'd be a bit annoyed but I feel my reasons are justified for not wanting to do what he arranged and I was never rude i just explained as above. These are also things he knows so I was puzzled he'd made the arrangement in the first place. He'd never go out himself for a proper meal with the DCs.
So WasIBU to say thank you but I don't think it's a very good idea? Should I have just sucked it up so as not to hurt his feelings? I feel a bit bad especially because of his reaction but it would've been a hellish day out and a waste of money because the high tea itself isn't even nice!
Opinions please. I'd like to add though I'm in no way a princess that would've been mad even of I got nothing on Sunday. It really doesn't bother me that much!

BlueMerchant Tue 26-Mar-19 12:28:57

YANBU. I wouldn't do it. Go to a place you don't like and where you used to work for food you don't like with two DC - on your own...no thanks.
He obviously hasn't thought it through but is annoyed you've pointed out the things he should have thought of plus he is upset as he thought he had gone above and beyond and was proud of his efforts.
Father's Day book a meal out for him and DC. Organise transport etc.wink

HennyPennyHorror Tue 26-Mar-19 12:30:13

I think you were right. Bit weird that he'd think you'd enjoy high tea with two small kids and no other adult support!

Couldn't he have invited your Mum too or something?

HeathRobinson Tue 26-Mar-19 12:31:35

Better to be honest surely? Otherwise you might get it every year!

Chocolateisfab Tue 26-Mar-19 12:32:14

Yabu (ungrateful) and a bit precious if you can't manage 2 dc alone in a pub.
Poor dh.

Keener Tue 26-Mar-19 12:33:28

Not in the least unreasonable -- it was a poorly thought-out non-treat, and I can entirely imagine the non-joy of trekking back and forth to the loo solo with two children in a pub. Unless he would consider a solo pub meal at a former workplace with two small children a relaxing treat...?

Singlenotsingle Tue 26-Mar-19 12:35:23

Insist that he comes too. Otherwise, if he doesn't want to do it, neither do you!

GreenTulips Tue 26-Mar-19 12:35:38

Well you know what to get him for Father’s Day doesn’t you? He’ll have a blast

Bookworm4 Tue 26-Mar-19 12:36:05

@henny
'No other adult support'
So do you think single parents never eat out?
I think it was very thoughtful of him and YABVU, do you never take the DCs to a cafe or anywhere to eat alone?

burritofan Tue 26-Mar-19 12:38:01

Not unreasonable at all! Gifts are meant to be enjoyed, not endured!

HundredMilesAnHour Tue 26-Mar-19 12:39:46

I think it was thoughtful of him to arrange something for you given that he has to work that day. And even to sort taxis out. I hope you were grateful for that at least!!!!

But the rest doesn't sound wonderful. I'm trying to understand why 'high tea' is being served 12 - 2? That isn't high tea. It's, er, lunch. (Or dinner if you're Northern).

I don't think I would have reeled off quite such a list of grumbles to my DH if it had been me. I would have probably said to him that I'd prefer to go out for dinner later in the day when he can also join us (and then he can do some of the toilet trips while you enjoy some wine).

HotpotLawyer Tue 26-Mar-19 12:42:30

“Ooh, DP sweet of you I love the idea. Can we re-strange do that we all go together? I won’t get the best of it wrangling the two of them over my food “

RSAcre Tue 26-Mar-19 12:43:25

So your DH has essentially 'outsourced' a present to you that you do not want, is not going to be there himsef to 'enjoy'/help manage the kids, & is now sulking because you have explained why it is NOT a treat for you?

Does he know you at all?

Bunnybaubles Tue 26-Mar-19 12:45:47

You should go, and then arrange something similar for him with the children for fathers day... while you treat yourself at a spa or something grin

nutellalove Tue 26-Mar-19 12:46:52

I think he was trying to be thoughtful. I'd probably suck it up and go and try make the best of it since it's the thought that counts. Not ideal, but nicer than some peoples DHs we hear about on here who forget their birthdays even!

BigFatGiant Tue 26-Mar-19 12:47:15

YANBU. He basically wanted to get kudos for forcing his wife to deal with two stroppy children at a pub with bad food.

Shoppingwithmother Tue 26-Mar-19 12:47:45

Do you mean afternoon tea? (That’s only really in response to other PP’s comment.

No YANBU at all - I wouldn’t want to do this. If you were the type who made a fuss about the day, then I could understand what your DH has done, but as you aren’t, and had a plan you were perfectly happy with, then it’s a bit crap really. Don’t go!

thefirst48 Tue 26-Mar-19 12:48:46

Just tell thanks you appreciate the thought but it's not worth the money and you'd rather take the kids swimming.

BlueSkiesLies Tue 26-Mar-19 12:50:56

Should I have just sucked it up so as not to hurt his feelings?

No. Absolutely you did the right thing.

Myusernameisunique Tue 26-Mar-19 12:51:12

I regularly take DCs out alone to eat but stick to cafes and fast food type places for ease. Basically eat it and beat it. High tea is a massive drawn out meal that consists of toast, starters, mains then cakes, scones tea and coffee to finish. So a lot more than just nipping in for a bite and leaving again! I'm glad others think the same and it's not just me. I did thank him but explained why I wasn't really keen on the idea! My mum is working or I would've suggested asking her as it would've been quite nice with her there. We would've taken toilet run turns!

BlueSkiesLies Tue 26-Mar-19 12:51:33

You should go, and then arrange something similar for him with the children for fathers day... while you treat yourself at a spa or something

grin oh yes this would be funny!

CallMeOnMyCell Tue 26-Mar-19 12:53:43

Is there anyone else you can take or could you change the plan from high tea to just lunch so it won’t take as long? I think you are being ungrateful and can see why your DH is hurt. He tried to do something nice.

Oysterbabe Tue 26-Mar-19 12:54:27

YANBU. Taking the kids to a restaurant alone is pretty far from a treat. Fuck that shit.

maras2 Tue 26-Mar-19 12:55:13

Stupid idea.
Who on earth wants to eat 'high tea' at 12 mid day, especially with 2 young kids?
Complete waste of money.

Chamomileteaplease Tue 26-Mar-19 12:55:34

Seems ridiculous to have a horrible afternoon just so as not to upset your dh. I think you were right to be honest. Hopefully when he thinks about your reasons he will stop stropping.

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