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To ask what you do for your MIL on Mothers Day?

(153 Posts)
JellyBaby666 Tue 26-Mar-19 12:18:28

Just after a bit of advice!

My fiance is away with work, so won't be around this weekend and is out of communication (military) so with Mother's Day coming up and us living near his parents (who are lovely) I'm just wondering what the best thing to for my future MIL is, given he's away and I want to acknowledge her and the day somehow.

Do I get a Mum card from us both (when I don't and wouldn't call her Mum, I have a Mum!), do I get a MIL card (when we're not yet married) just from me?

I know it seems daft but I want to kind and respectful, I think last year he was around so we both sent individual cards to our own Mums.

(Yes I have anxiety and yes I am overthinking!)

BlackSatinDancer Tue 26-Mar-19 13:01:13

As you said she isn't either your mum or your MIL so I would not buy a card. What if your fiance has actually ordered a card online to send from himself? You'd look a bit silly if you also sent one from the two of you.
I probably would buy her flowers, not on your fiance's behalf but from you, and write something nice on a gift card. What MimiSunshine suggested sounds lovely.

Try not to feel too anxious about it. I'm sure your fiance's mum will be understanding if he doesn't send her a card this year due to being away.

KathyfromHaworth Tue 26-Mar-19 13:02:45

My DH would most definitely get something for my mum if I couldnt or I'd forgotten. He's a kind thoughtful man and we are a team.

Mammajay Tue 26-Mar-19 13:05:25

What a lovely idea. A blank card with a written message would be lovely. If you live nearby a simple bunch of flowers. As a mum, I don't want gifts, just to be remembered on the day.

nutellalove Tue 26-Mar-19 13:06:24

I don't think you could go wrong with sending a card and/or flowers signed from the two of you at all.

Genderwitched Tue 26-Mar-19 13:08:05

I'd just send flowers from both of you.

No need to overthink. Most people are happy knowing that they have been thought about. You sound nice.

lyralalala Tue 26-Mar-19 13:08:20

I’d do the same as what you’d do for your Mum tbh.

We always did card, flowers and dinner for my Nana and MIL. If DH was away I organised it, if I was due to give birth then DH organised it, and if neither of those happened the first person to bring it up organised it.

If you get in well with your MIL then just go with your instinct. You don’t have to not do anything just because most people would say “his mum, his job”. Especially as it was a short notice deployment and you think he’d step in for your mum if you couldn’t.

Merryoldgoat Tue 26-Mar-19 13:10:40

My mum always said Mothers' Day should be low key - card, chocolates and flowers.

That's what we give MIL and what I generally expect my DH to get me from my DC.

thecatsthecats Tue 26-Mar-19 13:11:45

*But nothing has happened to the OP’s DH, he didn’t have enough time to arrange anything for his mum for Mother’s Day because of his line of work and the OP has kindly agreed to do it instead.
Why would anyone not do this if they liked their MIL?*

Actually, he didn't ask her to do anything. She's decided she wants to do it (which is actually nicer - I wouldn't do it for my husband because he didn't have his act together and asked me to sub in, but I did consider sending something to my MIL because it's the first since we were married).

As to your last line - I'll repeat what I said upthread. Contrary to the impression I presumably give off on Mumsnet, I do lots of kind and thoughtful things for people. But almost none of them include voluntarily opting in to hallmark holidays on someone else's behalf.

tillytrotter1 Tue 26-Mar-19 13:14:21

My Dil takes me out to lunch with her own dm and the rest of the family
She's probably not on Mumsnet then, being so sensible about the MIL situation!

GreatDuckCookery6211 Tue 26-Mar-19 13:15:26

Having your MIL miss Mother’s Day because your DH didn’t have his act together ( which isn’t the case here ) is not the act of a kind person. Quite the opposite.

weegiemum Tue 26-Mar-19 13:16:08

We send flowers every year to both my stepmum and mil. We sign each card from us both, as we are both close to each of them. I know it's very much appreciated on both sides. Some years I organise it, other years dh does. I'd just finished doing it just now when I saw this thread! I'd go ahead and order flowers from you both, both you and your mil sound lovely!

Hadalifeonce Tue 26-Mar-19 13:18:24

I send cards from us both to DM and DMIL, my name first for DM. DH's name first for DMIL

GummyGoddess Tue 26-Mar-19 13:21:08

@GreatDuckCookery but the effort won't be from him, so it isn't the same. If my dc's wife did it for me instead of my dc I'd feel upset that he didn't bother. To me it's a day where your DC appreciate you, if someone else makes the effort for them then it would feel wrong to me.

I would obviously sort out a birthday gift for MIL if DH forgot, but probably would send it from me and make him get another so she would get two gifts and not miss out.

Aebj Tue 26-Mar-19 13:21:38

I sort out my MIL Mother’s Day card. I sign it from both of us and send flowers. Dh is also military. He’s knows I’m good at remembering Mother’s Day , birthdays etc. means he also doesn’t have to remember months in advance if he happens to be away for these events.
I also like my MIL so it’s an easy thing to do

GreatDuckCookery6211 Tue 26-Mar-19 13:23:35

GummyGoddess the DH isn’t able to sort anything due to work which his mum obviously knows about, I’m sure she would appreciate her futureDIL thinking of her though instead rather than receiving nothing.

Stompythedinosaur Tue 26-Mar-19 13:23:55

I would send a card to my mil in your situation, I'd write something in about the way you value her.

We have mil to lunch alongside dm, dp does most of the cooking. I will encourage the dc yo make cards for them and we have decorated pots and planted some flowers for them.

Felicia4 Tue 26-Mar-19 13:27:55

I get personalised cards online. There are various websites that do them, very reasonably priced too. That way you can say what you would like without it saying MIL on the card. I'm sure she will appreciate it very much.

margotsdevil Tue 26-Mar-19 13:31:08

There are loads of cards that just say "on Mothering Sunday" or similar - maybe get one like that so then it's not "to mum"?

Drum2018 Tue 26-Mar-19 13:34:19

Just get a card that's doesn't refer to mum directly - To someone Special, or For You on Mother's Day. Or just get flowers and write your partners name on the card.

MsSquiz Tue 26-Mar-19 13:35:32

@Hadalifeonce I do that too. At first it was subconscious, but I've noticed that I do it for all cards, gift tags that I write from both of us.

@JellyBaby666 If I was in your position I would order a card online to be sent direct, that way she won't know it's from her son via you organising it, but sign it from him and you. It's a nice gesture, but not over the top.
As many other posters have said, Mother's Day is usually about the smaller gifts and cards, a gesture or token gift would probably be well received, especially as her son is away in the military

toucan12 Tue 26-Mar-19 13:36:05

I bought my MIL card a year this from both of us as DH will probably forget

On the front it says 'Happy Mother's Day from your amazing son daughter in law ' this is the kind of thing she would find amusing. grin

Probably won't get her a gift as we are flying to see her several times next month. I have bought my DM tickets to go to a hobby related event with me.

Piffle11 Tue 26-Mar-19 13:36:38

If I were you, OP, I'd get a 'Happy Mothers Day' card and sign it from DH and yourself, and perhaps get her either some flowers or something else that you think she'd like. I think it's a lovely idea.

Isth Tue 26-Mar-19 13:37:38

My DP is away this mother’s day (on his stag do actually) so I’ll be dropping wine, flowers and a mum card from both of us on Sunday before going to my mums for lunch. It’s nice to be nice, don’t know why you got snide comments really OP!

ScatteredMama82 Tue 26-Mar-19 13:43:11

It's lovely of you to think of her and I'm sure your Fiance will appreciate it too. You don't need to get a 'mother's day' card. There are some beautiful cards that are blank inside for your own message. That way you could make it from you, to say 'thinking of you on mother's day when Fiance is away. We'll make up for it when he is back' or something like that?

RMogs Tue 26-Mar-19 13:47:06

Get a mum card and sign it from both of's what I do for both our mothers (and no, I don't call MIL mum, but on a card from you both it doesn't really matter).

Last year I cooked a meal for both mums, this year they will each get a cake as DH has said we are going out as a family.

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