Heavily pregnant, but OH leaves me and 66yo DM to move furniture

[AmyUnreasonable]

35 weeks pregnant, DM is round the house visiting me and the toddler.

I'm moving all the bedroom furniture around to make room for the new babies cot, sorting through clothes, decluttering and throwing away rubbish etc. DM instantly comes in to help (shes 66, fit and healthy but does have arthritis in her joints)

OH comes in from a night shift and goes on the xbox rather than going to bed, doesn't offer to help us move the furniture. Leaves toddler in the travel cot whinging whilst he concentrates on his game. Myself and DM have to keep stopping what we're doing to attend to toddler who's having a paddy because he's bored. Travel cot is next to where OH is sat playing games.

I shout through saying can you at least tend to the toddler, he replies "I have give him his dummy" and continues staring at the screen.

What are your thoughts on this scenario, is anybody being unreasonable? Him for not helping, me for thinking he should have?

In general he does fuck all around the house bar cook the odd meal or change the bin.

[Nanny0gg]

Good luck with having a toddler and a new born. You're going to need it.

Why do you expect him to change? He hasn't so far.

[areyoubeingserviced]

You have two toddlers already.

[GlossyTaco]

If you're sorting out the bedroom then how can he go to bed?

[AmyUnreasonable]

He does do things when prompted.

If I'd have asked him to help he would have done, what's annoyed me is that he didn't have the decency to offer.

Not sure whether I'm BU for moaning about him when I didn't ask him to help, but shouldn't he have done that anyway as a matter of courtesy?

[AmyUnreasonable]

He never goes straight to bed when he gets in. He gets in at 9 and goes to bed at 12. The bedroom was finished by 11.

[HollowTalk]

He's an embarrassment. What kind of a man would let that happen?

Any space at your mum's house?

[sillysmiles]

I'd be more upset that after coming in from work (not matter what shift) he rather play on the xbox that play with his child.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

He's a lazy man-child. Of course he should have offered to help.

In general he does fuck all around the house bar cook the odd meal or change the bin.

Oh God, another one of those. I'm amazed how many women live with these idiots. Why do you put up with it? Why does he not do his fair share of the shit work?

[AmyUnreasonable]

I put up with the lack of housework from him because he works a gruelling job through the night and puts food on the table so I'm happy to do the lions share of housework as I'm at home, I just think if he's going to stay up and play the Xbox anyway it wouldn't hurt him to help move a bed, dressing table and bedside cabinet.

[user1474894224]

Hmmmm....I decorated our bedroom at 7 months pregnant, cleared the loft out for new insulation to go in at some point in one pregnancy....my OH isn't useless....it was just my thing to do. Imho of you want help with something specific then ask. But he should be dealing with his child without you asking. When does he spend quality time with his child? I appreciate he needs sleep....but he also needs to see to his son.

[S1naidSucks]

Congratulations on the impending birth of your third child. It might be best not to have a fourth until your first can grow the fuck up and act like a responsible, caring husband and father. Don’t tell me, let me guess, “he’s actually a brilliant dad/husband, when it comes to xyz and I love him very much”. Why have you taken over his mother’s role in pandering to him?

[Hadalifeonce]

I do have sympathy OP, but over many years I have discovered generally men's brains don 't think like ours, we see something needs doing and we do it. My DH is brilliant and will do anything I ask, and occasionally stuff I don't ask. BUT, if there is something that is screamingly obvious to me, if I ask him about why he didn't do it, he will say he never gave it a thought. I know several men like this, they say 'just ask and I will do it' and they will because they are good blokes who want to, but they need to be asked.

[CheekyChappy710]

I never get in these situations why either of you didn't just say something to him? I know I would have but if I hadn't my mum would have told him to get off his arse and help.

[Drogosnextwife]

Put a hammer through the Xbox 🤷

[Karigan195]

You need to ask who is unreasonable?

[EleanorLavish]

OP, what do you want to gain from this thread?
You have come on here and told the situation. Your DH is a lazy, entitled arse. We are confirming that for you.
And then you proceed to back him up, as everyone else who starts these threads inevitably does.
He is a lazy,entitled arse. You live with it or move on without him. He won't change.
Good luck with the newborn.
(Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you did ask).

[EleanorLavish]

Anyone who needs to be told to put down the xbox controller and entertain/feed/cuddle their crying child or help their 35 weeks pregnant wife needs to e shoved out the door, not gently given a hint.
My DH occasionally needs reminding to sweep the floor or hang out washing, but he knows bloody better than to try sitting on his arse while I'm doing housework!

[AmyUnreasonable]

Happy to take on board all opinions however harsh (I don't think anybody has been unreasonably harsh fwiw)

Me and DM were happy to just get on with it, it's when we kept having to stop and pop out to DS who was 2 FT away from OH that I got irritated.

If I would have asked him to move the furniture he wouldn't have refused, I've just got the hump that he didn't think "maybe I should help my heavily pregnant partner and her mum move them"

When he plays the xbox he gets completely absorbed in it.

[adaline]

Why do so many women tolerate shit like this?

[AmyUnreasonable]

I think my reason for posting was to gather opinions as to whether he should be left to his own devices to wind down after work, or should pull his weight and help out more with things that need doing despite having worked a 12 hour physical shift.

I have no concept of working a job like he does, before I became a SAHM I was in a generic 9-5.

[TheABC]

And what's going to happen when you are juggling a newborn and a demanding toddler with him on the Xbox?

Have the conversation now.

[HennyPennyHorror]

Am I the only person who thinks that the DH had just come off a night shift...working all night and was probably absolutely knackered?

OP presumably knew he was due in...why would you start moving furniture at that time? Couldn't you just wait till' he'd been to sleep and then he'd have helped? Was there a touch of Martyrdom in your actions?

[Megan2018]

My DH threw a fit over the weekend when I lifted a bag of chicken feed. He's told me not to lift anything like that again and was properly cross!
There is no way on this earth he would leave me to lift furniture!

He also does far more of the housework than me, DIY, cooking etc etc as I have a longer commute. It's being a proper adult and a responsible partner.

[AmyUnreasonable]

This is how the morning went.

He came in, me and DM were about to start the bedroom (I said I was about to move the furniture) so he loaded the Xbox, had a quick game, stopped and made toddler some breakfast then when he'd finished eating he put him in the travel cot and went back on the Xbox.

[EleanorLavish]

Oh he thought it OP. He just told himself that he had worked all night and knew you'd do it anyway.
That's what makes him selfish. Prioritised himself.