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To be really upset with ds

(90 Posts)
Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:23:54

He is at college and like alot of 18 year old likes to go out spending with his mates.
He was having trouble finding a job but then did a retail job for a while but got fed up of never getting a day off and it was interfering with his social life I know what people on here will think oh that's life etc and so do I.
Anyway I made him come down a agency office with me and they got him a job between Monday and Thursday on nights but only until 1am at the latest seemed so ideal for him and he accepted it.
Last night was his first shift and I had to go with him yesterday to get safety shoes in preparation he was in a foul mood all around the shops saying I don't want this job I don't want to go swearing etc I kept my cool and said we will get the shoes in case. Fast forward to time to leave for shift and he has a meltdown because he had forget he needed a fleece jacket so he stormed off to his room and didn't go.
Please go easy on me because I'm really upset abt all this.


Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 11:00:14

I honestly don't know what to do with him. First job was weekends in retail £4.20 an hour he was popular with all the staff and did okay with the job but he moaned abt the pittance money and lack of social life.

Fairylea Tue 26-Mar-19 11:01:02

Hmm you will get a lot of replies telling you that you shouldn’t expect him to work more than a day a week if he’s at college full time. I can sort of see where people are coming from, college is a big deal - but when I was 18 I worked part time as bar staff in a pub 25 hours a week and I LOVED it, it gave me so much confidence and I enjoyed the extra money. I still passed my A levels with As and got accepted into the university of my choice.

But - we are all different. How dedicated is he to the college course? Is his attitude to that similar to work?

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 11:01:59

Now he is saying he will do till work again just not where he worked before.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 11:02:56

He seems to enjoy college and take a interest

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Tue 26-Mar-19 11:04:06

I don't know how many time the OP has to say it isn't four nights, it's two and it's only four hour shifts! Hardly incompatible with college!

The mode worrying part to me is this:

He kept on saying he was gonna be working with a load of rough necks and chavs

That's a really nasty attitude problem and I think he needs to seriously check himself. He sounds quite condescending, snooty and mean.

He's being lazy and moody, stop funds till he finds a job that he'll deign to do.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 11:04:08

Hell I know I'm gonna end up giving him money

IHateUncleJamie Tue 26-Mar-19 11:04:41

Would you like to work full time AND do two half-night shifts on top, OP? I wouldn’t. confused That’s what you’ve asked him to do.

It’s simple. If he wants going out money and you can’t afford to give him any allowance while he’s at college, he needs to get a p/t job. However, that needs to be one with reasonable hours on non-college days (so 8 hours on a Sat or Sun, I expect). That still leaves him evenings to do college work and go out, which is reasonable.

Just tell him that’s the score and that he needs to find a suitable job for himself. If he chooses not to, then that’s fine but don’t subsidise his social life. But expecting him to work half-nights and go to college in the day is not really reasonable.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 11:05:28

Yes I know babydarling but he is completely different in company.

tinytemper66 Tue 26-Mar-19 11:06:05

If he has no job how is he going to finance the Wembley tickets if he was successful?

IHateUncleJamie Tue 26-Mar-19 11:07:31

First job was weekends in retail £4.20 an hour

Now he’s 18 that should go up to £5.90 an hour which is a bit better. Does he know that?

Beebumble2 Tue 26-Mar-19 11:07:56

I agree with not giving him any money. He does need to become more responsible for himself and I realise this does not happen over night.
It can be tough on everyone, but worth it in the long run.
My DS did similar jobs, while students, it certainly did not harm them, they are fully fledged adults and responsible family men.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 11:10:25

Ihateuncle what I meant to do he then moans about working every Saturday and Sunday and no day off to chill then he winges about going to his football matches on Saturdays as he has a season ticket.
He is up until after midnight tatting on his phone anyway.
He even said some days he doesn't have to be in college until 10am.

SweetPetrichor Tue 26-Mar-19 11:11:08

I'd stop funding anything beyond his basic requirements like food and board, so he has to take some responsibility if he wants to go out with his mates etc, but a night job like what you mention sounds like a terrible option for someone in full time education. If he want money, he'll have to find himself something suitable. Don't subsidise him!

yearinyearout Tue 26-Mar-19 11:12:12

Tesco's is great for part time jobs, has he checked their website and signed up for email alerts? They pay the same rate no matter what age and they have short contracts with the chance to do extra hours if you want them.

IHateUncleJamie Tue 26-Mar-19 11:13:46

he then moans about working every Saturday and Sunday and no day off to chill

Well yes, I would want one day off a week. Why does he have to work Saturday AND Sunday?

I’m not unsympathetic OP but I don’t think wanting 1 day off a week is unreasonable.

MaMaMaMySharona Tue 26-Mar-19 11:14:32

I worked at a cinema while I was at college, evening shifts were from 6-11pm and I did that twice a week plus a weekend shift. I also worked throughout university at a pub.

It made no difference to my grades, but a huge difference to my quality of life as I could afford to do the things I wanted to without begging for money from my parents. I think it's reasonable for him to work 2 evening shifts a week.

hahshbsbskao Tue 26-Mar-19 11:15:22

Definitely stop giving him money for extras OP, when I was 18 at college I didn't work (As college was full time & hard work to get good grades!) and as long as he has a roof over his head and eats food that you buy for the family each week he can survive just fine. (My parents never charged me rent or food).

If he wants extras for tickets to things/time with mates etc he needs a small job. Can he not do any weekend retail work or freelance stuff? If he's smart he could tutor a few hours a week?

Honestly the pay for young people is not very encouraging and I have quit jobs in the past due to hard work but only being paid £5.90ph as a student. It's not enough motivation + I live away from home now and have to pay rent, bills etc. (20 years old).

I really think young people, doing the SAME if not MORE work than their fellow older colleagues should all get paid the same. Plus the minimum wage needs to rise anyway. I had a job at 15 before college where I got paid £3 an hour and all my older colleagues made me do their jobs too as I was vulnerable. They got paid £8 an hour to sit around.

endofthelinefinally Tue 26-Mar-19 11:16:44

Back when I was a student nurse in the 70s we had so little money we all worked as waitresses/barmaids on our days off. It was the only way to get by. That was on top of a 35 hour week on the wards plus studying.
2 x 4 hour shifts a week for an 18 year old at college is not unreasonable.

Birdie6 Tue 26-Mar-19 11:21:09

Your son sounds like he is about 6 - you pay for him, take him here and there, make sure he does things . Stop babying him and he'll have to do it himself. And stop paying for his lifestyle - you're not doing him any favours and I'm sure you need the money more than he does.

Purplecatshopaholic Tue 26-Mar-19 11:23:21

You need to stop subsidizing him. If you keep giving him money what is the incentive to get a job. He needs to enter the real world where we all have to pay our way!

missbattenburg Tue 26-Mar-19 11:24:52

Another person here who worked all day Sat & Sun throughout 6th form and then worked 18-20 hours a week throughout uni. It is entirely manageable and leaves plenty of time for study and socialising.

Pay for his home and meals eaten at home. Let him pay for everything else himself.

Flaverings Tue 26-Mar-19 11:25:39

Hell I know I'm gonna end up giving him money

Well, if you can afford to do that, is there really a problem?

MaybeitsMaybelline Tue 26-Mar-19 11:34:36

Been there done that, the only think that works with entitled teens is cutting off the gravy train. When the cash stops the social life stops and the sooner he learns the better, do it now before its too late. He should have been working part time for two years by now.

Both mine worked sat and sundays 2x6 hour shifts, DD at River Island afternoons and DS at Tesaco Sat & Sun evening until 9pm, they got weekend lie ins and still went out every Saturday night.

Onestep2 Tue 26-Mar-19 11:38:20

I worked in pubs and clubs when i was at uni until 1am - 2am sometimes later. did not do me any harm. And at that age i would take a guess saying hes up to that time anyway.

Its 2 days a week and he keeps his social life. its a win win for him.

shut the cash point. make sure he knows he will get no money for you to go out at weekends. hel soon get another job.

BarbarianMum Tue 26-Mar-19 11:42:29

It's really simple OP. As long as you bankroll him, he doesn't need to work.

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