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To be really upset with ds

(90 Posts)
Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:23:54

He is at college and like alot of 18 year old likes to go out spending with his mates.
He was having trouble finding a job but then did a retail job for a while but got fed up of never getting a day off and it was interfering with his social life I know what people on here will think oh that's life etc and so do I.
Anyway I made him come down a agency office with me and they got him a job between Monday and Thursday on nights but only until 1am at the latest seemed so ideal for him and he accepted it.
Last night was his first shift and I had to go with him yesterday to get safety shoes in preparation he was in a foul mood all around the shops saying I don't want this job I don't want to go swearing etc I kept my cool and said we will get the shoes in case. Fast forward to time to leave for shift and he has a meltdown because he had forget he needed a fleece jacket so he stormed off to his room and didn't go.
Please go easy on me because I'm really upset abt all this.

I

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:26:04

He was meant to call and book this first shift but took his time and had a attitude abt it apparently according to him the agency called him and he said they where rude to him.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:27:15

His dad is refusing to subsidise him any longer and I can't afford to keep doing it

TidyDancer Tue 26-Mar-19 10:28:52

Would he be working until 1am four nights a week in addition to college? I do think that's a bit much tbh.

His attitude stinks but then again I don't know how much pressure he's under so it might be more understandable if he's stressed.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:30:00

He only needed to do a couple.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:30:55

He kept on saying he was gonna be working with a load of rough necks and chavs

SweetAsSpice Tue 26-Mar-19 10:31:14

How many days and hours is he at college?

He is 18, legally an adult. If he doesn't want to earn his own money, and you can't afford to keep subsidising him, then stop. He will quickly learn!

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:31:51

He had to pass a 3 hour assessment to work there and he passed easy

AllStar14 Tue 26-Mar-19 10:32:05

Do you give him money for his social life? If you do, stop. He needs to realise that in order to have a social life he needs to work to earn money for it.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:32:55

Hours at college are full time more or less

Sicario Tue 26-Mar-19 10:34:53

Close the mum cashpoint. Stop giving him money. When he starts demanding, tell him to go and shake the money tree.

You don't earn? You don't eat.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:35:03

I'm not sure what's going on with him
He had a exam yesterday and said he thinks he failed and he couldn't get tickets to a Wembley game with his mates so I don't know if that had any bearing.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:36:26

Sure as hell don't know what the agency must be thinking because they where not informed.

c24680 Tue 26-Mar-19 10:40:14

That seems like long hours as well as college.

Does he get any money for going to college?

FooFighter99 Tue 26-Mar-19 10:42:40

You need to stop babying him. He is an adult and you are doing him no favours!

It's time he grew up, if he wants money for going out with his mates then he'll have to earn it.

He's going to end uo living with you till he's 30 if you don't teach him some responsibility

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:43:51

He would just need to do 2 four hour shifts a week from 8.30pm until 12.30am.
We get child tax credit and child benefit that's it.

Sparkletastic Tue 26-Mar-19 10:45:19

4 nights until 1am is not a suitable job for an 18 year old in full time education. It's his responsibility to find a job that is suitable though.

Drogosnextwife Tue 26-Mar-19 10:48:20

What is the job OP?

JenniferJareau Tue 26-Mar-19 10:55:39

4 nights until 1am is not a suitable job for an 18 year old in full time education.

This ^^

He should get anther job though. You need to stop subsidising him.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:55:47

Parcel loading he didn't have to do 4 nights he only had to do 2

NutElla5x Tue 26-Mar-19 10:55:53

Ideally an 18yr old student should have a part time job, but do you really expect him to work 4 nights a week until 1am and be able to function properly at college too?!!
I encourage my college age kids to get a job,but don't force. However apart from paying their fares to and from College I do not help them out with money in any way,so if they want anything they have to work really.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:56:53

He has applied for loads of jobs but nobody gets back to him.

lablablab Tue 26-Mar-19 10:57:35

I did 30 hours a week in a supermarket when I was at full time college and then again when I went to university. My parents simply couldn't afford to give me any money.

I worked hard, I survived and I did well.

He's 18. He's needs to do a job of some kind! He needs to take some responsibility for himself.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 10:57:43

Again he didn't have to work 4 of them

thefirst48 Tue 26-Mar-19 10:59:35

If he wants money he will need to find a job simple. Close the bank of mum and dad.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 11:00:14

I honestly don't know what to do with him. First job was weekends in retail £4.20 an hour he was popular with all the staff and did okay with the job but he moaned abt the pittance money and lack of social life.

Fairylea Tue 26-Mar-19 11:01:02

Hmm you will get a lot of replies telling you that you shouldn’t expect him to work more than a day a week if he’s at college full time. I can sort of see where people are coming from, college is a big deal - but when I was 18 I worked part time as bar staff in a pub 25 hours a week and I LOVED it, it gave me so much confidence and I enjoyed the extra money. I still passed my A levels with As and got accepted into the university of my choice.

But - we are all different. How dedicated is he to the college course? Is his attitude to that similar to work?

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 11:01:59

Now he is saying he will do till work again just not where he worked before.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 11:02:56

He seems to enjoy college and take a interest

BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney Tue 26-Mar-19 11:04:06

I don't know how many time the OP has to say it isn't four nights, it's two and it's only four hour shifts! Hardly incompatible with college!

The mode worrying part to me is this:

He kept on saying he was gonna be working with a load of rough necks and chavs

That's a really nasty attitude problem and I think he needs to seriously check himself. He sounds quite condescending, snooty and mean.

He's being lazy and moody, stop funds till he finds a job that he'll deign to do.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 11:04:08

Hell I know I'm gonna end up giving him money

IHateUncleJamie Tue 26-Mar-19 11:04:41

Would you like to work full time AND do two half-night shifts on top, OP? I wouldn’t. confused That’s what you’ve asked him to do.

It’s simple. If he wants going out money and you can’t afford to give him any allowance while he’s at college, he needs to get a p/t job. However, that needs to be one with reasonable hours on non-college days (so 8 hours on a Sat or Sun, I expect). That still leaves him evenings to do college work and go out, which is reasonable.

Just tell him that’s the score and that he needs to find a suitable job for himself. If he chooses not to, then that’s fine but don’t subsidise his social life. But expecting him to work half-nights and go to college in the day is not really reasonable.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 11:05:28

Yes I know babydarling but he is completely different in company.

tinytemper66 Tue 26-Mar-19 11:06:05

If he has no job how is he going to finance the Wembley tickets if he was successful?

IHateUncleJamie Tue 26-Mar-19 11:07:31

First job was weekends in retail £4.20 an hour

Now he’s 18 that should go up to £5.90 an hour which is a bit better. Does he know that?

Beebumble2 Tue 26-Mar-19 11:07:56

I agree with not giving him any money. He does need to become more responsible for himself and I realise this does not happen over night.
It can be tough on everyone, but worth it in the long run.
My DS did similar jobs, while students, it certainly did not harm them, they are fully fledged adults and responsible family men.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 11:10:25

Ihateuncle what I meant to do he then moans about working every Saturday and Sunday and no day off to chill then he winges about going to his football matches on Saturdays as he has a season ticket.
He is up until after midnight tatting on his phone anyway.
He even said some days he doesn't have to be in college until 10am.

SweetPetrichor Tue 26-Mar-19 11:11:08

I'd stop funding anything beyond his basic requirements like food and board, so he has to take some responsibility if he wants to go out with his mates etc, but a night job like what you mention sounds like a terrible option for someone in full time education. If he want money, he'll have to find himself something suitable. Don't subsidise him!

yearinyearout Tue 26-Mar-19 11:12:12

Tesco's is great for part time jobs, has he checked their website and signed up for email alerts? They pay the same rate no matter what age and they have short contracts with the chance to do extra hours if you want them.

IHateUncleJamie Tue 26-Mar-19 11:13:46

he then moans about working every Saturday and Sunday and no day off to chill

Well yes, I would want one day off a week. Why does he have to work Saturday AND Sunday?

I’m not unsympathetic OP but I don’t think wanting 1 day off a week is unreasonable.

MaMaMaMySharona Tue 26-Mar-19 11:14:32

I worked at a cinema while I was at college, evening shifts were from 6-11pm and I did that twice a week plus a weekend shift. I also worked throughout university at a pub.

It made no difference to my grades, but a huge difference to my quality of life as I could afford to do the things I wanted to without begging for money from my parents. I think it's reasonable for him to work 2 evening shifts a week.

hahshbsbskao Tue 26-Mar-19 11:15:22

Definitely stop giving him money for extras OP, when I was 18 at college I didn't work (As college was full time & hard work to get good grades!) and as long as he has a roof over his head and eats food that you buy for the family each week he can survive just fine. (My parents never charged me rent or food).

If he wants extras for tickets to things/time with mates etc he needs a small job. Can he not do any weekend retail work or freelance stuff? If he's smart he could tutor a few hours a week?

Honestly the pay for young people is not very encouraging and I have quit jobs in the past due to hard work but only being paid £5.90ph as a student. It's not enough motivation + I live away from home now and have to pay rent, bills etc. (20 years old).

I really think young people, doing the SAME if not MORE work than their fellow older colleagues should all get paid the same. Plus the minimum wage needs to rise anyway. I had a job at 15 before college where I got paid £3 an hour and all my older colleagues made me do their jobs too as I was vulnerable. They got paid £8 an hour to sit around.

endofthelinefinally Tue 26-Mar-19 11:16:44

Back when I was a student nurse in the 70s we had so little money we all worked as waitresses/barmaids on our days off. It was the only way to get by. That was on top of a 35 hour week on the wards plus studying.
2 x 4 hour shifts a week for an 18 year old at college is not unreasonable.

Birdie6 Tue 26-Mar-19 11:21:09

Your son sounds like he is about 6 - you pay for him, take him here and there, make sure he does things . Stop babying him and he'll have to do it himself. And stop paying for his lifestyle - you're not doing him any favours and I'm sure you need the money more than he does.

Purplecatshopaholic Tue 26-Mar-19 11:23:21

You need to stop subsidizing him. If you keep giving him money what is the incentive to get a job. He needs to enter the real world where we all have to pay our way!

missbattenburg Tue 26-Mar-19 11:24:52

Another person here who worked all day Sat & Sun throughout 6th form and then worked 18-20 hours a week throughout uni. It is entirely manageable and leaves plenty of time for study and socialising.

Pay for his home and meals eaten at home. Let him pay for everything else himself.

Flaverings Tue 26-Mar-19 11:25:39

Hell I know I'm gonna end up giving him money

Well, if you can afford to do that, is there really a problem?

MaybeitsMaybelline Tue 26-Mar-19 11:34:36

Been there done that, the only think that works with entitled teens is cutting off the gravy train. When the cash stops the social life stops and the sooner he learns the better, do it now before its too late. He should have been working part time for two years by now.

Both mine worked sat and sundays 2x6 hour shifts, DD at River Island afternoons and DS at Tesaco Sat & Sun evening until 9pm, they got weekend lie ins and still went out every Saturday night.

Onestep2 Tue 26-Mar-19 11:38:20

I worked in pubs and clubs when i was at uni until 1am - 2am sometimes later. did not do me any harm. And at that age i would take a guess saying hes up to that time anyway.

Its 2 days a week and he keeps his social life. its a win win for him.

shut the cash point. make sure he knows he will get no money for you to go out at weekends. hel soon get another job.

BarbarianMum Tue 26-Mar-19 11:42:29

It's really simple OP. As long as you bankroll him, he doesn't need to work.

sillysmiles Tue 26-Mar-19 11:43:11

How much do you give him a week/month? Is it regular and why do you give it to him? Honestly, the pouting and stropping he was doing about getting a job and shoes etc would have meant that I would have been inclined to stop supporting him and let him fail.

He sounds as though he believes he deserves a nice life - social life and trips etc - rather than seeing that those things come at a cost.

I wonder if he sees it as though he's in uni and you should be paying for his social life because of that, rather than seeing that he is in uni for his own sake and his own future and he needs to take ownership of that.

Happynow001 Tue 26-Mar-19 11:43:14

Hell I know I'm gonna end up giving him money
Why? What incentive has he to shift a bit for himself if he knows he can just get money from you - even if you can't afford to? His father has stopped subsiding him - maybe you should too.

Once he realises you are not covering anything but the basics, housing, food, utilities etc he'll focus more - even with poor grace. Don't baby him and make a rod for your own back OP.

Dragongirl10 Tue 26-Mar-19 11:43:33

Op at 18 both my brother and l subsidised ourselves through ft college courses. We lived very rurally too so had to bike long distances but still had FT summer jobs and Saturday jobs.
Our parents gave us no money whatsoever and we didn't expect it...
.Had l sworn rudely about a potential job, my father would probably have hit me across the room for being so rude and entitled.
That work ethic has stood us both in very good stead.
Your son is being an entitled brat , yet he is a man and needs to behave like on.

First step is to stop supporting him, do you have any good male role models who can give him the proverbial kick up the rear he needs?
He is much more likely to listen to a man at 18......

IWannaSeeHowItEnds Tue 26-Mar-19 11:45:35

I think 2 x 4hr shifts is better than working in retail at the weekend. Lots of shops want kids to work Sat and Sun as well as some late afternoon shifts. Much better to have set evening hours and weekends free. 8.30 -12.30 is the same as a night out, so if this makes him too tired for college, he would be too tired to go out with his mates!

HoozThatGirl Tue 26-Mar-19 11:45:53

All these people saying he's an adult. No he isn't, he is in full time education and the OP will get Child Benefits for him.

I agree that some part time work is a good idea but he's never going to pass his exams if he's out working until 1am.
College isn't just about the hours spent in class, they should be putting the same amount and more into studying as well.

MissCharleyP Tue 26-Mar-19 11:48:59

I wouldn’t imagine the college would be keen on him working nights. I worked in two sixth form colleges and working late evenings/nights was strongly discouraged. Most students did 3/4 A levels and so were expected to do 15/20 hours at home as well as in college. It is hard with the money side though; when I started my study leave for GCSE the guy I worked for on Saturdays (all day) offered me a shift on Fridays 1-5 pm, I snatched his hand off. When I started 6th form they refused to rearrange my timetable so I could still do that shift as we used to have Wednesday afternoons free for any extra curricular stuff (drama group, sports teams, subjects that weren’t A Level) but the shifts weren’t available on Wednesday! They then used to have a go at me for not going on ‘essential’ trips but without the extra money I couldn’t afford it (DF unemployed, DM in p/t to try and keep us afloat).

The trouble these days seems to be there aren’t such things as ‘Saturday jobs’ anymore, no one seems to think it worth their while employing someone for one day and expect all staff to be able to cover all shifts as/when.

Barrenfieldoffucks Tue 26-Mar-19 11:50:51

At 18 and in full time education I would expect to pay/facilitate travel, food, toiletries, lodging etc. New, essential clothes when others wear out. But no money for frivolities unless you can afford it.

HappyGoGoLucky Tue 26-Mar-19 11:50:55

People say it is too much.

When I was 18, I worked 7 days a week as a community carer and I was at college 4 days a week. I went college 9-5, then went straight to work from 6-11pm, then get up the next morning to go college and on my "days off", I would be working 7am-10.30pm. I barely had a social life or time for revision because I had bills to pay for!

I'm not trying to say I'm a saint or that I'm amazing, but what I am saying is he needs to stop whining about it and grow up. At 18, he should be fending for himself or at least have some sort of responsibility.

Purplecatshopaholic Tue 26-Mar-19 12:01:20

Well said HappyGo - the millenial generation is alive and well!

Acis Tue 26-Mar-19 12:02:26

Hell I know I'm gonna end up giving him money

Just don't. Why should you have to go without and struggle to pay bills because he can't be bothered to do what thousands of kids in his position do? Simply say to him that you have not got the money and, if he needs it, it's up to him to earn it.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 12:07:21

Yes the problem is that if you work Saturday they also expect Sundays as well.
I do understand what you all mean by saying don't substitute him.

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 12:09:15

I was giving him roughly £35 a week.
His dad as well as giving him a hundred funds his bus pass and playstation membership and phone.

slashlover Tue 26-Mar-19 12:11:26

When I was 18, I was at uni full time and working 2pm-11pm every weekend. My social life was from June - September when the uni was off, although I also did loads of overtime at my job.

He has to think about after college, he's going to look better to recruiters if he has experience working.

Also, saying this kindly OP, he can't be arsed to get a job while you are paying for stuff. You are contributing to the problem. You made him go to the agency, you took him to get shoes.

Don't give him any money.

IHateUncleJamie Tue 26-Mar-19 12:13:20

£35 a week AND £100 a WEEK from his Dad? Or £100 a month?

SharkSave Tue 26-Mar-19 12:20:16

Most places are pretty understanding I've found in regards to college etc. Supermarkets, fast food places etc are all quite accommodating, one weekend day and a couple of short evening shifts seems to be the norm.
I agree with the others, stop funding his social life and he'll have no choice but to work

Purplecatshopaholic Tue 26-Mar-19 12:20:59

So he is getting money from you and from his Dad..and playstation membership, WTAF?!!

NutElla5x Tue 26-Mar-19 12:24:30

I was giving him roughly £35 a week.
His dad as well as giving him a hundred funds his bus pass and playstation membership and phone.

If I was given all that plus bed and board for nothing I probably wouldn't bother working either.

Nameusernameuser Tue 26-Mar-19 12:41:05

I'm only 21 so not even far from 18, at that age ALL my friends had jobs and worked, certainly more than 8 hours a week on top of full time college courses and university. Some friends worked full time hours on too of studying.
DPs friend has a girlfriend that's 18 with no job because she says there's no point in working, and guess what, her parents give her money. You can't just not work shock

Lobsterquadrille2 Tue 26-Mar-19 12:42:39

He sounds very pampered and it's not in his best interests, long term. I can't remember the last time I gave DD any money. She's 21 and in her final year at university and insists on paying "rent" to me in the holidays when she is home (I save this without her knowing) as she wants to contribute towards household expenses. This week she bought a new washing machine and just let me know when it would be delivered.

Your DS should be understanding budgets, the cost of living and the fact that money doesn't grow on trees. As PPs have said, where is his incentive to find a job when both you and his father keep subsidising him? He's not learning about life in the real world.

RSAcre Tue 26-Mar-19 12:55:07

Hell I know I'm gonna end up giving him money

Why?
He doesn't need money, he needs a good talking to about his work ethic & a better understanding that people who want a social life have to pay for it themselves.
How has he reached 18 without realising that work is a necessary evil, & that he is not entitled to have his social events funded?

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 13:38:48

It's a hundred a month not a week

MollysLips Tue 26-Mar-19 13:43:50

It sounds like he was scared of the people he'd be working with.

So why not go out for a drink with him and find out the sort of place he would like to work? He could do evening and weekend shifts at pubs and restaurants, where he'd get minimum wage plus tips, and the work is much more people-focused, sociable and fun.

Or could he steward at his football club?

Where do his friends work? They must have jobs. Does he fancy the sound of any of those? Is something (Fear, lack of confidence, shyness) stopping him applying for the job he thinks he would like to do?

Stop giving him money but start trying to encourage and support him like you would a friend. (I know how hard that is.)

nauseous5000 Tue 26-Mar-19 14:12:54

OP, I make that £60 a week tax free disposable income from you and his dad, plus his bills covering. That's more than a lot of FT working adults get and I quite understand why he wouldn't want to work with that much cash for free. Sorry, but think you have to cut off the money pipe. Otherwise why would he work?

Yogagirl123 Tue 26-Mar-19 14:13:40

Feeling your pain, OP, in a similar situation with my DS, absolutely no interest in getting a job. Hasn’t got a clue what he wants to do.

It’s really difficult. I don’t want to be on at him all the time, but once his May exams are out of the way, going to be a lot tougher with him. And he will have to get any job he can.

mymadworld Tue 26-Mar-19 14:14:07

Bloody hell £135 a month to spend on socialising and treats no wonder he's work-shy shock

Op you either need to accept the fact that he's at college and you will bankroll him, or stop plying him with cash and force him to get a job. If he doesn't like working 2 x 4hr shifts (hmm) then he needs to find something that does suit him. Ffs he could flyer the neighbourhood and probably find a £25 babysit once a week if he put the effort in - possible but the most glamorous job but ideal for a student to earn whilst studying.
He sounds I'm like a like entitled brat but I don't blame him in the slightest with that allowance & extras.

Ragwort Tue 26-Mar-19 14:19:38

You are.far too generous towards your DS, I have an18 year old & he gets £50 a month, that’s for his clothes, ‘social life’, treats etc. He has to get part time jobs if he wants any extras and he fully understands that. He has had quite a few p/t jobs & has saved up a lot (4 separate bank accountsgrin) so now he is concentrating on his A levels.

Just stop being so generous!

missbattenburg Tue 26-Mar-19 14:53:37

£35pw + £100pm = £250 a month.

I've changed my mind. I'm going to quit work and come and live with you, OP. Sounds like a brilliant gravy train to be on...

Worzilgummidge Tue 26-Mar-19 15:05:08

Yes I'm soft I know

lyralalala Tue 26-Mar-19 15:25:23

You mentioned tax credits and child benefit so is his course still a qualifying course for that? If so then his Dad should still be paying maintenance.

I think expecting him to do full time at college then work all weekend, or work until 1am when he has college the next day are both unreasonable when you are still getting child benefits for him.

By all means cut down what you give him if financial circumstances have changed, but working until 1am isn't going to help his college results at all. (and all my teens have PT jobs around school/college so I do advocate working if they can find it, but it has to work aorund the course or school).

missbattenburg Tue 26-Mar-19 15:40:03

Yes I'm soft I know

Then stop. If you don't want to do so suddenly, tell him he's going to get £30pw for a month, then £25, then £20 and so on until he's getting nothing.

And leave him to figure how to get a job he'll be happy with. Or not.

As I said previously, I worked all day Sat and Sun throughout A'Levels. This is because I like money. My brother didn't work, because he likes having free time. We both got the same from our parents (£20 per month) and were left to make the choice of whether or not to get a job to top it up.

Interestingly, 20 odd years later I work in a 9-5 job that pays well but is stressful and requires lots of commuting. He earns less working as a freelancer with no stress and the freedom to work from wherever in the world he is at that moment and to set his own hours. Being able to make decisions in which we weighed up the options and chose what suited us personally, when we were young supported us in being able to make them when we were older.

At 18 he's really now old enough to make those decisions and you won't help him by trying to make them for him.

IHateUncleJamie Tue 26-Mar-19 16:14:55

From your DS’s POV, he doesn’t need a part time job for the money so no wonder he isn’t keen to knock himself out for minimum wage. He’s got no incentive to get a job, particularly one with shit hours.

If you are insistent on him getting a job because you can’t afford to keep giving him £35 p/w then just tell him you can’t afford it. Even that without the extra £100 from his Dad is quite a lot; my dd is at uni and only gets £40 a month plus her £11 phone bill paid by me.

Upshot is if you want him to get a job, stop giving him so much money.

Barrenfieldoffucks Tue 26-Mar-19 16:58:48

I don't think you're massively soft.

FullOfJellyBeans Tue 26-Mar-19 17:01:00

I don't think you should force him to get a job he doesn't want. Tell him how much money, if any, you'll give him and he can work the rest out for himself.

SandyY2K Tue 26-Mar-19 17:14:10

To be honest with you... I'd much prefer my child fully dedicated to their studies, than having to work as well.

My DD is 16. She has a job, as well as doing her A levels... I wouldn't force her to work if she didn't want to... as long as she was studying.

I see a child in full time education my responsibility as the parent.

I have a DC in university. She doesn't work and in addition to the student loan, we support her financially. I had a job as a student, but it could be annoying having to work when you have coursework due.

I understand that if finances are difficult, you want him to ease things a bit for you. Does he know that you're struggling financially?

Ragwort Tue 26-Mar-19 17:35:50

Unless your DC is studying medicine or another course with a lot of hours I don’t think a part time job is too much to expect for university students (I am talking around ten hours or a couple of shifts a week). We have told our DS that we will give him a certain amount to top up his maintenance loan but we also expect him to find some part time work. He is doing a course which will leave him quite a lot of unstructured time, he will plenty of time to follow his sport, have a social life, study and find a part time job.

RedHelenB Tue 26-Mar-19 17:38:52

My view is he still gets money from you as he's still considered a child re tackle credits. However, if he needs more than you are prepared to give her needs a job. However as exams are getting nearer then he should be 100% concentrating on them.

Flaverings Tue 26-Mar-19 18:11:42

What do you want from this thread?

Ragwort Tue 26-Mar-19 18:17:11

The OP has already said that her DS doesn't want to work in retail because 'it affects his social life' and he is still going to football matches with his mates ................ let's be realistic, there aren't many students who are concentrating 100% on their studies, or at least not in my 18 year old DS's circle grin.

CantWaitForSpring1 Tue 26-Mar-19 18:25:24

I worked in pubs and nightclubs all through sixth form and university. I survived. You have far more stamina at that age! He’ll be fine doing two shifts per week!

Starlight456 Tue 26-Mar-19 20:39:10

well his lifestyle will drop significantly if you don’t replace Dad’s money however as pp said you are still entitled to maintenance.

Just curious why is dad stopping paying?

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