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To get her involved?

(10 Posts)
Motherofdragonss Tue 26-Mar-19 09:43:27

My best friend of 20 years is getting married this year.
I’m her bridesmaid and have the job of organising the hen. Not a problem, I thought, made a group of those who were invited (close friends from uni).Came up with a few ideas on what everyone wanted to do and said I would be booking the different activities on specific dates.
It’s not a great deal of money what needs to be pulled out but I posted in the group 3 times within 2 weeks letting everyone know when I was booking and if anyone had any problems/ couldn’t pay just inbox me privately and I would try sort something as their was limited places and I needed to get the tickets ASAP.
Friday I put my details up and asked if people could pay their money so I could get the tickets. One person out of 18 paid the £6. A couple of others said they couldn’t afford it and the others completely ignored me. And this has been a common theme, they just don’t seem interested at all even though they are her close friends.
I’ve not been any kind of pushy, I’ve paid for most things myself (sashes/bags) and haven’t hounded them nor have they asked me if I needed any help.
It’s the hen night in 3 weeks and although the location is sorted nothing else is as I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall. I really didn’t want to bother my bf as she does so much for everyone else that I didn’t want her to worry about this.
My question is aibu to get her involved now and say I have tried my best but I’m getting nowhere and let her take over?

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts Tue 26-Mar-19 09:49:28

It's a difficult one. How will the bride take it? Will see be upset by how everyone is being? Or is she easy going? Have you tried messaging people individually?

whitesoxx Tue 26-Mar-19 09:52:31

Have they already paid out money and now you are asking for more?

Nothing worse than agreeing to an event that "will cost 50 quid" to then be asked for "just 6 quid for this and another 10 for that" etc

Motherofdragonss Tue 26-Mar-19 09:56:04

Yeah they have had to pay money out as we aren’t local.
When I was coming up with the ideas weeks ago, I put a list up and everyone decided on this. Again I put a couple of more posts leading up to it asking if everyone would be able to manage and if not just let me know. I haven’t sprung it on them.

whitesoxx Tue 26-Mar-19 09:59:00

I think the mistake you made was booking everything separately.

People like to agree on one set price and pay that rather than being asked for dribs and drabs.

Do they actually want to do this activity? For 6 quid it can't be that exciting surely? Have they just picked the cheapest from your options? What is it?

At least 2 of them have told you they can't afford 6 quid so they are unlikely to want to pay for anything else!

Motherofdragonss Tue 26-Mar-19 10:01:41

That’s the deposit to reserve the tickets.
My friend had hinted at this activity to ger other friends, I hadn’t realised she had actually wanted to go until they had told me.

user1474894224 Tue 26-Mar-19 10:02:32

Can you be a little more specific....what was agreed to? What's the activities? Is it all one day or multiple days. - This will help us advise. But if you are under time pressure message each person individually....along the lines 'i notice you haven't transferred the money. I had you down as one of the people that wanted to do this activity. Am I mistaken? Would you prefer not to come along to the hen do?....' Find out what you are dealing it genuine money issues, are they not actually that close friends, have you picked an activity they don't fancy, do they have young kids etc and you guys don't and lives and times have changed? Have they all accepted wedding invites already?

Didntwanttochangemyname Tue 26-Mar-19 10:06:50

I'm currently organising a stag (even though I'm female!) and the only way I got more people to pay up was to make out like everyone else had paid - try a message along the lines of 'thank you to everyone who has paid, if you still want to come on the hen please transfer your money to blah blah account details before next Monday'

That got them moving!

whitesoxx Tue 26-Mar-19 10:10:35

They've told you they can't afford 6 quid and that's just the deposit. Be careful here! What makes you think they'll be able to pay the full amount in 3 weeks time?

Get a total cost together and send a message saying you need x amount transferring by x date but won't be able to book without the money.

FineFanks Tue 26-Mar-19 10:43:20

Start imposing deadlines.

Right a message saying "Hi all, please transfer £XX by [DATE], if I dont recieve I will assume you can no longer make it. Thanks!"

Anyone that doesn't transfer, remove them from the WhatsApp group, they can message you directly to chase you for their money back if they have paid some amount and no longer want to attend.

You've gone wrong by giving too much choice. The only way to organise these things is total everything up, ask people to transfer the total amount and then book all the separate bits with your total pot of money. People can't be bothered to transfer a fiver here and there.

When I've organised hen parties, I've actually rounded up on all the activities, totalled it up and asked people to transfer. Then there's a little leftover for the 1st round of drinks/bottle of prosecco or something to get the party started.

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