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to be scared (and irrationally trying to find solutions)

(7 Posts)
rabbitheadlights Tue 26-Mar-19 02:10:17

i have seen and read several stories over recent days and weeks re knife crime and and just crime in general ... im a mum to 6 soon to be 7 and have spent the past 3 hours seriously discussing with dp how to get away and raise our kids as far away from anyone else as possible.
I'm so scared of what they might encounter going to the park or walking to the shops at some point in the future .. i should add I do have diagnosed anxiety but this is usually health related .. I'm honestly feeling sick and shaking and feeling totally helpless my dc are 13,10,5,3,2 and 8 months.
I know there are good and bad everywhere and I can teach my dc to turn the other cheek walk away etc .. buy what I can't do is teach others if they choose to carry a knife or weapon etc ... then a disagreement soon becomes something else and my children will be ill equipped to deal with it as I was always taught to be firm fair and reasonable talk problems through, find a solution, there's always a common ground it's just a case of finding it!
but that isn't the case anymore is it ??

Hidingtonothing Tue 26-Mar-19 02:25:29

I'm not going to be much help here OP because I feel exactly the same. I know I'm supposed to strike a balance between caution and over protectiveness and not let fear stop me/DC living our lives but it's bloody hard when you live in an area where a young person is stabbed every few days. I wish I knew what the answer was sad

Monty27 Tue 26-Mar-19 02:31:05

How far?
You can't wrap them up from society. No matter where you go.

rabbitheadlights Tue 26-Mar-19 02:32:31

exactly my point hidingtonothing I know i should be rational .... but what is rational about the situation atm ... what do i tell my dc about how to be prepared or wary? when I was young it was simple advice don't go looking for an argument, be respectful, keep yourself to yourself, never leave your drink down ... i can't help feeling that there is no way to avoid this it feels like a lottery and just down to luck ... we live in a very busy city and the reality is if we stay here as my dc get older they WILL come across it and I am genuinely scared

rabbitheadlights Tue 26-Mar-19 02:34:37

i know this monty truly i do ..... but my anxiety is through the roof .. ho do i prepare them, warn them? give them the tools necessary to avoid or deal with such situations?

FeralBeryl Tue 26-Mar-19 02:36:44

I have just seen the very distressing episode of 24hours in police custody so totally get where you're coming from.
I send some of the kids to a MMA class which teaches self defence including disarmament and though it makes me feel better, in reality it probably wouldn't do much!

The common factor seems to be that carrying a weapon makes you more vulnerable to an attack. Same for being part of a gang.

I think just encouraging confidence, reliance on their senses, a good friendship circle, strong role models and ambition goes a long way to keeping our children safe.
Regular, transparent conversations with engaged, respected parents and an awareness of consequence.
There were plenty of awful people as I was growing up (not often armed i admit) but lots of the above kept me clear of most negative attention - I'm sure your lot will be fine, pleas try not to worry too much thanks

Monty27 Tue 26-Mar-19 02:47:49

@rabbit I felt the same believe me.
If you're in a position to do it good luck to you, do it.
One of my sisters did it. She could afford to. However she didn't have to work so could helicopter them.
I worked full time and was and still am single.
There's been a few issues over the years but they are now in their 20s, educated and still live with me. They wouldn't move away from this city.
My sister's DC's on the other hand are the same age as mine and both have left home, she's heartbroken and very lonely.
It's a difficult one. flowers

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